So I was reading about toilets yesterday, and how to sit on them properly. You might think that you learned how to poop properly decades ago, but the revelations that appeared in the book I was devouring were certainly shocking. The correct posture in crapping perfectly is by most people seen as below. You  lean forward, place your feet steadily on your ground, elbows on your thighs, back as straight as possible. This seems OK, logically it should give you some kind of leverage, right?

Nope, it's about as helpful as using a toothpick to open a tin can with baked beans and tomato sauce. To properly open the correct channels you should instead sit in a victory pose, demonstrated below (though the proportions look a bit stupid, ignore the legs). It propels the crap downwards and is about as efficient as jumping without a parachute would be in terms of reaching the ground as fast as possible.

Did you learn something? Hope you did! It would be great satisfaction knowing that my newly gained knowledge quickly improved the life of many people, maybe even saved lives. Who knows, Elvis might not have died in that constipation incident if he had read this. Pictures by me btw. Have a great day!