2009 - January
01/01
A new day! A new month is in the making! And even more, a brand new year! I wonder how many times I'll say 2008 before the nine sticks in my head this time? In a few ways this year is special, and not only because it is a year. You know, 365 days, one of the few collective lifespans you can experience during your short stay on planet Earth (to our knowledge, which is undoubtedly very unvast and limited), most people only get to see 60.3 of these special sequences, be sure to treasure and respect each one I get.
01/02
I woke up pretty late today, somewhere around ten, lay in bed until twelve, ate a fiveminute breakfast, took a quick walk with my moms, at a fifteen minute lunch, and here I am, jotting down this days fantabulous events (new word, woot woot!). I don't feel like the grail of all hope today, head is thumping a bit, feel a bit cold, tired, seems like my ten hour sleepin since two last night after a fifty hour newyears wake does take it's tolls, but I'll be as full of energy as ever after this nights fulfilling rest, see you then.
01/03
So far the new year resolutions I set to myself are going pretty swiftly. I've written a poem each day (and more), submitted two flashes each day for the Jukebox January project and I'm posting like a madman over at the NG forums to get up to 20K posts as quick as possible so I can focus on the more important things in life, which makes me wonder if achieving the 20K reviews and posts really was such an important marker for this great year? But whatever, a little online professional procrastination at times can't hurt you, right?! So, day three.
01/04
I've been counting the new days this year, each one is important, each one filled with with new visions, hopes, projects and works in the making. Every single new day this year so far has to be unique, and has been unique, and they won't just be hasbeens unique, and today twas no exception. I spit out poetry like clouds of dust, never will I let my ingenius mind rust. The flames of fury I trust and combust in nothing so disgusting as spewn mountain dew. BURGH! Whenever will I learn? Whenever will I hear it? Whenever will I.
01/05
Another day passes away, the sky wasn't cloudy, the sky wasn't grey. The ground wasn't muddy, potholes filled with rain, stead it was covered by frost and it hovered again. Like a mist in the sky, cold stings my dry eyes, water. Doesn't really matter I live winter more than autumn. This entry can be sung if you understand the melody, but I suppose that only me can sing this as my remedy. I was seventeen, two years ago, still eighteen in my mind. I haven't been blind, just procrastinating timeless times, time to get my fate in control. Track.
01/06
I fetch what is peachy. I reach for what I see see. I believe in demons yet not demons in the sky. Sure, demons can fly, and demons can read minds, but it's not very often I demons in my peach tree find. Or maybe I was blind, then, when I couldn't see the stars past the citylights. Maybe they were all still shining, even though I wouldn't get very far with my my imagination out. Knowing what I fear and doubt, living life till lights go out, and we fall down down into the grim well of darkness and despair, nothing to be found there but nightmares.
01/07
I light a candle every morning, maybe because it glows, maybe because it's warming? It rests beside my computer pride, and there it shines, it's sheds it's light. As I type, and as I see, I see the candle, shining at me. I like the shine, I see it gleam, I seem to mind my shining stream, more than the screen, more than my work, at times the flame fludders and goes berserk. I hear it beam and I see light stream as the fire screams, only in my dreams. Only in my vivid, imagined, notions. I see the fires, flaming, oceans.
01/08
Oh how the days pass. I've been waking up seven each day, yet I've managed to throw all the days away. When you achieve much of the same thing it doesn't seem like much of an avievement anymore, what I am speaking about is forum posting. During this week only I've managed to post well over 500 posts at the same forum, which is a lot, especially considering the amount of words I put into each one. Still, when it's all the same thing it seems like nothing! Sure, I've taken walks, cooked lunches, worked on my sites, played,
01/09
I took a trip to Norrtälje today, after a nice sleepin all the way to eight and something, awoken upon request by my moms. Submitted the daily poetry and flash and then went out to town in a quest to find Björn and with him take the 676th bus to Norrtälje. Trip was quick, we arrived, ate lots o good food, took a long calming walk through the vast slowly melting white scenery and watched a couple of decent movies after early nightfall around four. Overall it was a great day, not so highly efficient but with much entertaining matter...
01/10
... and appraise. The good food I ate will last for days! Watched another movie the next day before leaving the place to stay, Star Trek: Nemesis (2002), much better than I had anticipated. I have never watched any Star Trek material before, and I'm unsure if I ever will again, but despite the crappy first seence of Kirk with pointy ears and parodies featuring not much more than crappily animated ships colliding in outer space and crews sitting down with a shaky cam trying to sound as dramatic as possible I really liked this, wellmade with interesting characters and concept too.
01/11
I woke up extatic. Had a killer migrane yesterday, or a regular headache or I don't know what it was really, but it had me tired down to the point where I fell asleep easily and awoke even more so at four in the mourning. Bit tired eyes when I opened them, but after adjusting to the light it seems I'm just superenergetic today (mentally at least, with the headache gone away I feel super). Now it's 5:48 and I'm sitting by my screen trying to not disturb the others still sleeping all too much waiting for the walk I may have to take myself while others deeply sleep.
01/12
This day has not yet passed for me, I woke up early and sit by the blazing screen thinking about pastimes and what the past means to me. I see what I see. I breath what I breath, the clean swift air that flows and lingers still in the still atmosphere I see, with clouds hanging low and a moon that still glows and a darkness that lingers despite my quicktyping fingers. I'm amazed, I could watch just the sky for days, no other place that amazes me so, as the Earth on which we flow, and all that passes, that past as time lasts is, decadence.
01/13
The thirteenth, the for some peoples unlucky number, for me all but so. In difference from the previous day I awoke early and started the day off with a nice fresh walk through the clear morning air. proceeded to work the day away on my websites, a few projects, and ultimately not really doing nothing at all. I am a professional procrastinator. Wrote my daily poem and snapped together the two daily flashes first thing after seven as well, it feels good having a regular routine to follow. Not as much to think about, everything goes on as it goes.
01/14
Awake up early this day too, started out the morning with a walk and a cup of tea, the clouds are grey and the clear air I barely see, still it was refreshing and the world grabbed a hold of me. At about three, took a trip to Maud's place for a cup of tea, ate bread, cake and more at a pace so ferocious see, it was all so delicious and the tastes grabbed ahold of me. Mild yet wild and fine like smidden fangs from ancient times we ridden. Never through, but I hope we visit do, this.
01/15
Place sometime again, when the chimes be them, heard in rhymes you say, portray it was mine this day. And you do know I love cake, though the greatest in the world I doubtlessly cannot make. Would you mind making some for me, for my sake? I'd be happy as a grind in wake, get back to you sometime in fact, all my rhymes are grime intact, smile like lime inside my whack. HEAD spinning thoughts and ideas twisted like fire, I admire myself and I just rise higher. I wouldn't want to be someone else for the world, still.
01/16
I'm not truly me and I'm not truly worth, all that the world obtained on this earth. Doctors may have me ordained for secondary checking, but I reckon they won't find much in my speckled mind. Doctors lock all doors, clear the changeable sweep the floor, I don't trust you any more. I don't like the hospitals disgusting, smell. So I bid you farewell and I hope I won't need to see you for years to come, I won't sprain my angle or twist my thumb, or do anything overly stupid. Just to be, just to be me. Just being human.
01/17
Tired, Walk, Breakfast, Computer. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Work, Lunch. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Tired, Work, Dinner, Tired. Tired, Work, Fun, Tired. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Routine.
01/18
The days go days flow days fly days low days high days slow days fast days no. One can ever reach me. I sit there on the beach see. Drinking margaritas, sipping on the sunshine, somedays the whole world is mine, somedays I throw it down the drain, grind it down like even grain, sometimes I wish that I will never need to see this world again. The days pass days last days strike days harass days try days might. To outlast the coming dawn and night, sometimes it seems like I am home, sometimes it seems like all I know.
01/19
I just took a trip to Rhymster, a poetry website I signed up to about two years back to which I quickly ported two hundred of my poems in hopes that they would attract more visitors to my website, which they did, now, the downside is that they suddenly don't exist anymore. I admit, I could have been just a bit more active, maybe read some of the site news, maybe read some of the other users poems, but it's just depressing when a site you spent at least an hour or two porting poems too suddenly vanishes, Googles nothing.
01/20
Was maybe planning to take a three mile (Swedish miles, not English, IOW 30 km) from Jakobsberg to Bro today, was perfectly planned out, Andreas was taking the car to Jakobsberg, leaving it there with his moms and we two walking home, stopping for a grand buffe at the commercial Gymnaisum nearby. All depended on his mood though, and it seems he's just too lazy to pull through with it today, even though the sun is shining and everything is fine. No wind, sunshine, snow on the ground, Wednesday (thus they would serve a fish buffe), and...
01/21
...I could use a long challenging hike after the big bag of chips I ate yesterday, but no, it seems he backed down. It disappoints me a bit, though I really wasn't expecting the long walk on his party, and I shouldn't put all my visionry onto someone else with unsimilar mind, if I want a long walk I can take a long walk myself, but it isn't the same without company. Infact walks without company are pretty boring. Anyhow, will probably spend today catching up on some computer work, things go and things flow, some slow, some no, go go.
01/22
The days keep going, the days pass by, it seems that too one hundred words all I write, is about days passing, and about grim nights, and about death harassing and about cat fights. The days keep flowing, the days go on. I see the sun rise when it's early dawn. I see the sun fall when the dawn is late, and then I ask to myself, is this really my fate? The days keep running, the days don't stop, I can't slow them down, I can't put a lock on, I can't cap a Glock from, my window up here. Cause the world is past tense and I'm obsessed with fear.
01/23
When there is time, there goes time, away and out the window. There is this time, and there are those times, and there is time left over sometimes. Sometimes the rain comes, sometimes the sun shines, sometimes I rise and walk outside, and rinse my mind and think about all of the fine times I left behind. And when to go to work I think to myself, I think about just about everything else. All the things I could be, all the things I could do, all the time I could spend, just chatting with you. I think about the rivers, the riviera of all hope, which said to me "come" and I just replied, Nope.
01/24
If this was December, it would have been Christmas all over again today! Assuming, of course, that there had been an irregular December before it as well. However, it is not Christmas, and therefore I spend the day mostly just sleeping away and siting infront of my screen wasting my pace. Got some work done, sites, etcetera, and watched a movie before fading into silence abliss, daydreams amidst, flowing over as my eyelids grew heavier. Sometimes I wonder if any better alternatives to PayPal are going to be arriving soon, they are damn well expensive, especially for the less users.
01/25
I stayed up until four fortyfour watching movies the other night, a nice and even number indeed, but at the time it didn't feel so to me. Daylight was slowly rising up over the rooftops, shining in through my curtains, and I didn't really feel tired at all, a feeling of carelessness sweeping over me, it felt nice. Soon after I shut down the TV and started daydreaming about a deserted island aliens had sent me to I fell asleep, and woke up maybe five hours later, fell asleep again, and returned to my not fully awake and halfdrowsy state.
01/26
It's just morning, I woke up 54 minutes late. Seems like I've learned the arts of shutting down alarm-clocks in my sleep, it was lying right next to me when I woke up, a splinter in my side. I rushed downstairs and consumed a quick breakfast, and twenty minutes later than usual my mom and I departed on a short walk out in the wilderness. The wilderness itself was nice and wet, but the roads running through it were all paved with ice, so after gliding slowly for ten minutes we headed back. On the brightside, we returned earlier.
01/27
Oh my, the days just fly by! Can't say I haven't achieved much this month, though I know I could have achieved more, and at the same time the only way I could achieve more is if I slowed down and allowed myself to rest once in a while instead of straying myself to the point where I HAVE to take a day off due to either intense headache or just complete and total lack of motivation. But anyway, it's been a good month, and I have achieved more than a regular person would in the same time amount.
01/28
Woke up with a heavy head today, seems like I slept for longer than I have done any of the past days this week, even the day when I woke up with my alarmclock in hand, or the third day I woke up after going to bed far after 0:00 trying to keep my routines alive, but whatever, I slept for 11 hours and I felt like shit, my head was thumping and after the long morning walk it was thumping even more than before. So, I had a headache, I proceeded to take a long shower, followed by some...
01/29
...zone therapy and finally a try at drinking some strong coffee, I then tried eating some diced and upwarmed pancakes coated with honey, but it made me feel nauseous so I made my way upstairs, closed the curtains and swept myself in blankets with a bucket beside the bed. Whilst lying down the aches were mildened a bit, and I closed my eyes and half daydreamt/half slept through another three hours of the day. Woke up when the darkness had arrived, feeling a bit clearer inside than I had before. Sat down by the computer to complete a...
01/30
... few daily routines, and whilst the headache slowly returned (though not to the same degree of intensity as it had previously reached) I made my way through the chores and ate a tiny dinner before once again returning upstairs to sit by the computer and accomplish. Then, poof, my headache was gone. So I sat typing things for a few hours and I am now tying this with all my power, and I will be watching a great action movie (well, according to IMDB it sucks, but they're never right) the rest of this nice and refreshing night, yay people.
01/31
The thirtyfirst, the last day of oasis, I've heard many calling and surpassed many phases, but never until this idea I would have known. That there rested a place for me up on this throne. So high up, up in the skies it kept calling, crept for my fall, wept and stepped walling. Over foreign Dalmatians, oceans and new nations, they stepped in, letting my fleeting heart get thing. I waited, I waited, I waited for the signal. Kept weaiting, growing stronger, for each day that they gave. Then when it was my time, to the great world save, I slept late, and missed the chance that they gave, me.
