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2009 - March


Ah! A new month starts! Once again from the past we depart and focus on the lucid future ahead of us. I'll stick to this place, keep writing a bit, letting go of the surrounding world, typing down my thoughts, scribbling sensefully, never without mentioning me, because this is like my blog, this is my place, if I say a joke I gain a smile on my face. I don't know about you, if you read this like I do, not when I write it least I fuse together my mind and leave me, try and believe me, pretty please.


The second, a second, it beckons, me forth, with all its power, all for cowards, and without no, remorse. It does happen, slippers tapping, losing grasp of, all the facts within, I'm exact as a little fluffy cat, trying to get my life back infact reacting on a whim. I can't see through the shadows, can't see the sun within, I keep chasing my paws but I can't find anything. When nothing is to raw, all the world can do is stare in aw, with vices gainst my paw, nothing to gain, but the world is so small. At all.


Went out shopping yesterday, bought this bendy stretch thing you bend to stretch your limbs, powerful, and also a couple of wristweights on 1 kilo each, had them on while jogging later on that day and they really do add a little extra, but I wish they sold heavier weights nevertheless. Anyhow, played a little Chess with my buddy Andreas to spend the time I really should be using for more usable assignments such as, humm *cough* my studies? It was fun though, he won two, won one, yattah! Anyhow, times flies, will be mashing up studies & school, today.


Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, He doesn't have Jack or shit. Bam, Bam, Bam, he doesn't have Jack of Spades. Bam, Bam, Bam, he doesn't trackback or persuade. Bam, Bam, Bam, he doesn't lack crack or crave. Anything else, than the world he's in, anything else than the birds of sin, that fly through the night with their limbs heaped high, and let themselves fly up in bloodred sky. Purple on purpose, red dreadful dead beheaded sentences to death led content with credit, don't see your dreams I sleep peacefully, not an evil beast but I sure like to feast. Party!


Day started a bit slow today though, I woke up at seven but didn't have the guts to get straight out of bed, stayed there a while daydreaming, thinking about the future, about the past, about how the day was going to go. It was a great time, it lasted a while, it was good, it was funky, it was groovy, it was something, it was moving, it was abusive, it was llucid, it was confusing, it was asstounding, it was obtuse, it was an excuse, it was just me, my needs, my breath, I bleed, just like everybody else, not just me, not just myself, whatever, December, remember me, when I go.


Oh my, I got to get a grasp on my studies, the days keep going by and I am just getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE! I walk, I write stuff, I listen to music, I watch movies, I don't sit still for a moment but still the time just flies by and I still haven't managed to get jackshit accomplished, I'm so far behind I fear accomplishing anything and sending it in since it might be too late to be accepted, but it really doesn't get better the longer I wait. I'm waiting for my books too, here on Monday.


Gasp, seems like all I speak about is how time flies away, but it seems that really is all I have the time to notice. I haven't even had the peace of mind to read through any of the entries I've posted here earlier, much less the other content I submit to various locations on the net. It feels like I'm just wasting away my time at times, but when I am "wasting my time" I don't feel bad about it all, feels like I'm doing good, and that's a good think, so, it's all good, it's all great, yeah.


On this boulevard, with a thousand homes! A man once lived, and still lives all alone. In his still stoned tomb, he lies a pile of barren bones, until the reanimator, comes and wakes him up to cater, living tissue to those who need it, all the corpses that keep on bleeding, I don't know what, I don't know why, I don't know where, but this is my sky. What do I care, if you see it too, but it just so happens I saw it first, and it might cure my bloody first, to leap anew, the avenue, of cold brown bones frown, listen, crash, glisten, stash, your memories here, safely.


Another Monday comes! I sat up a while last night, playing Advanced Wars, until my battery indicator switched from green to red, and my clock from 11:50 to 6:22, was at the verge of beating the game, but suddenly I just lost motivation, so I shut down my GBA and went to sleep. Woke up a few hours later, four, namely, and I don't feel that tired at all. My back feels like shit though, seems like I was lying in a strange position for seven hours, but no matter, it seems like the start of a brand new great day now! Woot.


Blurgh, studies, it's what this week should be all about, haven't received the books needed to achieve this studying yet though, so I spent the day outside bathing in the soft mushy slushy snow instead, throwing snowballs around, without aim, with aim, building snowcastles, a little bit of everything, and then a few rounds of Chess to finish the day off, and them some movies, and then some music, some days feel great, this one of those, a vanquish without work or foes, delimited by those who know. It's all good, like a big mushy puddle of inconsistent frequencies that never listen to you, forever.


Oooh, my books arrived! Finally, at 17, afternoon, after a nice quick ride down the hills still coated with snow and another half day spent with my Buddy Andreas, managed to read half a book before falling asleep later this night as well, the books disappointed me a bit, not as thick as I thought they would be, which is, well yeah, a great thing for me, but in terms of payment for paper it seems like a minor loss, the last book I bought was as thick as all of these combined but still didn't cost more than half.


Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Noh, Doh, Oh, Oh, NOH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Noh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Noh, Doh, Oh, Oh, NOH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Noh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Noh, Doh, Oh, Oh, NOH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Noh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Noh, Doh, Oh, Oh, NOH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Noh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OH, Noh, Doh, Oh, Oh, NOH, Oh, Oh, Oh, Noh, OH,


It's Friday! The thirteenth! A day said by many to bring eternal damnation and bad luck to those people who wake up this day and go to their normal lives, I admit this day specifically wasn't one of my best days, nothing bad happened, but I didn't feel content with anything that happened really, so maybe there is some truth to the saying they've been conveying? My buddy Andreas had a work interview today too, haha, wonder how it went, hope he's not in the hospital or something now due to daily circumstances of lesser luck. Inter esting.


Oh man I felt out of place yesterday, watched Bedtime Stories, a pretty good Disney family movie, comedy, starring Adam Sandler as the main character, sure it contained comedy, and I wasn't surrounded by six year olds like when I watched the story about Despereux, infact me and my buddy Björn were all alone in the room, cept for three younger teenage girls sitting behind us. It was a good movie, but eh, it was just a movie, very predictable, good ending, comical insight, but nothing more, was a bit disappointed, maybe I grew up? Nah, blasphemy.


And I thought I could fly. I jumped through the building, the rooftop, but I couldn't just glide down swiftly as I had wanted to, instead I rose back up to the skies, up and up, losing foothold on reality, the threshold in my dreams, I couldn't hear myself, my screaams, just faded away into the darkness. Or was it light? The world was growing dark, onto a distant journey I quickly embarked, rose higher and higher, and higher some more, until I forgot the reason I jumped for, and then I was there, at the gates of hell. Without reasons.


Oh my, it's Monday again! An old song from the good ol eighties starring the Bangles as lead singers pops into mind, a catchy tune, a not too well fitting lyricalistics though, I don't feel depressed over this weeks start at all, new possibilities have opened up for me, and the alternatives available here are endless. There is so much I can do, so much I need to do, so much I have planned to do. On the other hand, there is so much I would like to do but shouldn't do, so many things I won't have time with.


Argh, reading, studies, illiterate scripts that I tread on. I'm amazed at how bad Swedish books can really be, specially the universital course literature here, they write using as complex phrases as possible, as many synonyms as possible, and with as many repeated descriptions as they can without saying more than could have been summarized in just a few pages. Is there a reason why we have to read overly descriptive, crappily summarized texts that teach us the same things as a quick skim on Wikipedia would do in a tenth of time the time, doesn't seem within reason at all


Relating to last days postation, the reason I study is to learn things, amazingly, now on universal level I take courses I am actually interested in, and they push upon me mounds of books that transform this educationary goodwill and make it ten times as timeconsuming as it could be. I'm not interested in plowing through unnecessarily descriptive jibberish, all I want to do is learn as much as possible as quickly as possible, and the current universal litterary pieces don't help much, infact the whole educationary system in form of text on this higher level seems to be dedicated to prolonging our years of study, undermining our lifely funds and causing overall social malfunction.


So, I logged in to 100words today, was planning on writing away a few lines, read a book, packed my bag for the coming vacation, took a walk, sorted some files, checked out some blank CDs that have been lying around, then I came back too 100words, typed in a long poetical message and pressed "PREVIEW", no preview came up, instead a capitalized error message saying that no SIGN UP INFO COULD BE DEFINED or something, so I hit ALT + BACK to go retrieve my message, no way, it was gone, tried resending the information instead, Nope.


No such luck, went back a few more pages and eventually I couldn't visit any of the member pages without error messages popping up. Turns out my sessions had timed out, bad luck. I don't know if it's my browser or this website, but whomever it was, made me pretty discontent. Am typing in two hundred word messages with continual context to fill up some space now that a long array of uniqueness has just faded away. But it could be worse, I suppose, it could have been five hundred words instead of just one hundred, right? Oh well, farewell.


The ending phrases to these messages don't always turn out as I'd like them to, sometimes the amount of words mount to 100 exactly when I stop typing them in, and that really makes me happy, presuming I've finished writing what I was plotting to write. If I write more than enough words, I either split up the entry in two and prolongue both parts so they both reach a hundred, or try cutting out some words that don't much matter, if there are too few words, I add some, but if it's almost done, it gets abrupt.


This was the day which I phrased in green and grey, poetically, unalphabetically, but then it all just faded without say. It had me a bit confused, now that those words can't be reused, I don't remember half of the words I chose, but they turned out good, and now they're vamoose. So this entry, it won't be the same, it won't have the same content or the same name, but who am I to these unjustices claim? For I am as unjust as any of them, the ones who wander around, aimlessly, no goals in sight, no destinations, ablaze.


I had almost forgotten how good movies can be, how deep into your soul they can reach. I watched The Big Hit (1998) yesterday, and Leon (1994) today, and I don't know if it was my temporary ample agony or the fact that they just made better movies during the nineties than they will ever manage to make again, but I really enjoyed them. Unlike most cinematical flicks I've seen these past years these wouldn't let me skip through not even a minute of it. Despite every scene not being entirely filled with action or witts, everything flowed together indifferently.


I’m leaving tomorrow, travelling by car, plane, car, foot up to the Northern Norths of Sweden where the soft snow yet coats the barren ground, the alternative trace of transport being subway, bus, plane, taxi, bus, other bus, foot. Hopefully the first tactic of transportation will be available through two relatively common relative benefactors . . . I need to get my drivers license. My intensive session of studies this past week has been OK, I’ve read through all of the books needed to be readed (cept two, which I will be bringing with me on this one week vacation, and for you


grammar nazis yes I realize readed is an imperfect grammtical formation, but it rhymes) and I have completed most of the assignments needed to be met before the days to come yet.

Some stuff, including the big finalizing project for one of my courses, is still left undone, but it can’t be helped (it could have been helped, could have skipped the hours I spent playing Need for Speed or watching movies while dismotivation swept upon me at times and maybe finished it in time, but on ther hand working 24/7 is an imposibility even for the most visionary efficiantive in existance), I will get started on it as soon


as I get back, which will be the 31st of Marsh, just in time to play one or two April pranks on my websites (I’m assuming people never read these blogs of mine anyway, hehe, those who do, you will be benefited with the absence of terrification when the day comes). Anyhow, other than studies I’ve recently laid hands on a little NAS box, with RAID support, and two mirrored 1 TB SATA 3,5 HDs, to which I’ve been transferring about half of my computer material to today, need to get the rest of it sorted out when I get


back as well.

The primary purpose of a setup like this is to either share files with multiple users connected via a local or internetal network, but I’m using it as a personal backup entity. The ethernet connection, that according to the description seemed to be eternally speedy, didn’t turn out to be as fast as I hoped and I’ve had file transfers running throughout the whole day, and of course many files still remained un-up-backed, haven’t even gotten through the first of my two external 500GB drives yet. A few bugs on my websites I would have loved to


get fixed before I left, but it seems I won’t be able to depart on my vacation as fully content and finished with everything as I had hoped I would be. Still, I’m happy, I got a shitload of work done this week, and almost beat the newly bought Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 for my previously unused GC (oldskool like I am), bye bye now! See you in seven and a few days!

Oh and yes, of course this multiple start was written in many many parts, completed completely without regard to the vibe or the shard, I


just write day and night on return from my flight.

It was a great trip, I've been plowing through meters high of snow ever since I arrived, but oh how it stretches my muscle span upon impact. Feels great working out for a change, instead of sitting infront of the screen fulltime. Of course I've missed out on some heavy one hundred word action, experience deposits and a little bit of everything during my short leave, but it doesn't really matter to me, somehow my secondary life this week seemed to me so much realer than this one will


ever be. Standing on the balcony dusting carpets and looking out upon the vast colorless landscapes coated with snow absorbing nothing but fresh air and silence I realize what a vacuum this current life I live really is, and I long back to the northern norths were total darkness commences each winter and eternal sunshine envelops each spring. It truly is wonderful. I wish I could stay there forever, working without income, doing so much still gaining nothing from it, living with the balance with which we were truly born to unite with, but that won't be life anymore, not


with civilization in the midst. The civilization that does what, for us? Throws us deep down into the thresholds of agony? Spikes us with needles? Devours us like the blue whale sweeps in charades of plankton with each breath? It means everything to the modern world, yet it has no value, no future, no history, nothing unless it is written down, it is not anything that can be seen in the world as it is or that will be remembered when it goes away, it is just a decades laid to waste, as are the words I am typing now, upon my agile return from the wonderful lands which mean to me all that matters.

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