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2018 - February

02/01

Today's the day I open my chocolate calendar.

It's one of those calendars you're supposed to open before Christmas, to count down the days before that one special day... but I bought it on a sale a few days later, and thought I'd eat it in January instead... but January came and I felt like I'd eaten quite enough sweet stuff, so I said February... now February is here and I once again feel like I could've been living a bit healthier the past few weeks... but OK then! It's just one chocolate a day, and I'ma EXERCISE!

Like crazy.

02/02

My 100 Words routine is going way better than my diary recently.

Even though I bought a book with reduced space for each day (because each page is supposed to fit the same day for three different years) I'm having trouble keeping up. I fall behind, and once I start falling behind it's easy to fall even further... until one morning I get a grip again and catch up. With a few days, at least. Like today. I plan on writing down the rest of them at the end of it...

So... should I really keep a diary? Don't know...

02/03

My candy calendar routine is going good.

I thought I might actually forget a day, maybe, and lose track of the chocolate pieces altogether, but how could I have been so naive? Just a couple days in and I'm already sucked in... addicted. I'm still opening just one hatch per day... except when there's more than one hatch for that particular day! Like today.

Each chocolate has its own name, and unique flavor, and it really is a fun way to start or end each day. Depending of it's a work day or weekend. Great chocolate; I'll keep on eating...

02/04

I got the day free!

All caught up with the diary, and haikus, and reviews, and blogs to spare... the day is really here. Ready to be used in whichever way seems like the best way. It's not often a day appears with so much less gray. No dues left over. No leftover stress tray. Just do and get over. And dude you better solder, like a soldier, and yes May will be just as free as you want it to be! Till that day...

That didn't really turn out how I wanted it to be, but today: sure will.

02/05

I tried some Vietnamese food today. It was amazing. Glass noodle salad with shrimps, and the main spice was lime and lemon balm. Delicious. Fantastic. I don't really know what more to write about that so I guess I'll write about something else...

Out in the forests. Up in the mountains. Over the clouds. Keep holding your mouth: if you have something to say but you've been told not to fold/let it out!

Listen to this stuff. I'll script up a picture. I thought I was good but... prescriptions I picked up. Now dark like a Sith, huh...

02/06

The new Star Wars movie was disappointing though.

It feels like it's all the same thing all over. They're going in circles. Their bringing in new characters just to kill them fast. They're sacrificing old characters just to add drama. They're putting the new characters in harm's way as much as possible too, just so they seem selfless; just so you have something to sit at the edge of your seat for. Then cute fantasy critters just to appease the audience for a few seconds because they know they messed up the main movie entirely? It wasn't... like I hoped.

02/07

I wonder if I'm going to look back at these 100 Word posts someday and regret some of the stuff I posted... nah, I can't regret who I was if I change and become someone I want to be, can I? Our post history shows how we've evolved, for better or for worse, and if for some reason I seem to be evolving to the worse then I'd better get my game on, and burn out like a gray lawn, then color me up in crayons, inspiring like each new sunray's... dawn.

That's the fawn I want to be. The spawn of fate.

But now... it's just yawns of late.

02/08

Lovebug Starski died today. One of the main three pioneers of the hip hop genre, along with Grandmaster Funk and... another guy I hadn't heard of either.

Say what? Yeah. I didn't know who this was until today, and in a way it's sad how I get to know about iconic people like this first on the day they die... but at the same time I'm happy I'm getting enlightened now. A legend lived. Until today.

I'll catch up on his music now and hope his legacy lives on through these newfound memories, and immortal melodies.

May he RIP.

02/09

It's strange to think about how new a genre hiphop really is.

Fifty years ago it didn't exist. Fifty years ago the people who first pioneered it were born, and grew to introduce to music a style of their own... which in its early days didn't even have a genre. Well, it was a different genre. It stood out and made it's own, and somehow a whole new world of storytelling and lyrical melody was born...

What would the world have been like without these guys? Would there be no hip hop? Or would another legend have taken their place?

02/10

I feel my writing skills today are... mediocre. At beast. At best. At least: was what I started writing before I found myself...

Well no, I still haven't found myself at all. I'm still as lost as ever. I'm still partaking in a multitude of creative activities just to feel like I'm bringing something to the world, though I'm not sure what my thing is. I haven't found my passion. I haven't focused on my passion? I haven't found my passion. I tell myself. Resistance? I can't resist my PASSION... I tell myself.

But that's what separates the pros... from.

02/11

I want to break up with rut. It doesn't take much. It doesn't.

I get up these days and I vote, and I write my haiku, and I write my hundred words, and I do other things I feel like I should do, and I wonder if this is the life I'm really destined to lead...

Of course it's not. These are just side-hobbies. These are those little things I'll keep doing continuously to grow, and so they grow while I focus on the things that take me further.

They shouldn't take priority. I do. Then the day: begins...

02/12

I'm getting somewhat bored of my chocolate calendar.

I'd expected a new flavor every day, but after a while they started repeating them. It's been a week now since I had anything new, and they really weren't all as delicious as I'd hoped.

None with creamy filling. None with soft chocolate that just melts in your mouth... it's been the grainy kind, with varied but still familiar and similar flavors for all.

Simple Chocolate <- that's what the calendar's called. It's overrated. I don't regret buying it, but if it hadn't been sold at a rebate... I think I would. 02/13

It's time to get revving for a three day long Birthday celebration marathon!

it's my dad. He's hitting 75, and since I work tomorrow we'll be celebrating today... yet since tomorrow is the official birth date of course we'll be celebrating a bit then too, with a good dinner and what-not, and since a few relatives wanted to celebrate as well we're doing that bit the day after.

I just wrote an early morning poem and should probably start packing in my presents soon... and maybe get a semla, because it's Fat Tuesday too. Good times getting started soon!

02/14

So it was back to work again today, a pause in the party, and the first day in a month now I woke with a massive headache. Ugh.

I didn't make a fuzz of it though, just felt down for the count most of the day, waded through work in a painful daze... but made it through, and it vaporized. Poof. Dinner. Felt better.

And that dinner was the best dinner we've had in a while! The one piece of the party today, on the official day of celebration. Fish gratin with horseradish, shrimps and spinach. Great meal, drink; day.

02/15

Third day of the party!

I've been playing racing and minigolf today, eating great food, and walking, and preparing before that... and trying to get things done but somehow feeling too out of balance to do anything, and so here I am at the end of the day and the three day party session: feeling content but still not really on the roll I wish I was...

Can't seem to get into the rhythm. Write this with many pauses. Eat a mandarin but gain no energy. Tastes sour. Guess I'll just watch a movie and be done with the day.

02/16

Just one of those days.

You get up early... actually half an hour earlier than you expected to get up. But you're not so tired you can fall asleep again so you get up right away, and manage to speed up enough to get to the train in time... a train earlier than planned, since they go each half hour.

At work: all goes well. I stay seven hours.

Back home. Dinner. Pick up a package. Feel like I should do something useful but... ugh.

I read some Lucky Luke before bed. Write though I have nothing to say.

Goodnight.

02/17

I'm hesitant today. Hesitant about what to spend my day on. So many things, but of course I hesitate because: I know that the things I'm thinking about doing aren't really all that important, and there are other things I should do instead... that I don't really want to do. The things I will do instead aren't not all NOT important, but they're not so important that I don't know I really shouldn't be doing them. But I want to do them more than I know I should do the things that ARE important... so there we go. I hesitate.

02/18

Ugh. It's just another day with the head... I thought I might wake up fresh but now I see red instead... I just want to sink down deep in my bed, but I know if I stay asleep it won't better it'll just get heavier and heavier until my head is like led...

So I am up and I'm sitting here to be grim! In the early dawn even as my eyes slowly dim. Bout to get serious work down, bout to eat a bowl... of breakfast casserole... then maybe take a walk so that you know. That I know.

02/19

Words today. What should they be about?

I feel like I've been doing the right things today. The one thing I haven't done right is exercise. I mean I haven't. I've been going up and down plenty of stairs but that doesn't count, does it?

I feel like I should really take a really really really long walk someday... lifting a little weights now and then doesn't cut it, and normal walks aren't enough. I need something to really loosen up the skeleton.

I'm eating chocolate too. Too much. But it's so good.

It's been a good day! Gooday.

02/20

I woke up 10:59 today!

Was going to write eleven. Same thing.

Any normal day I would probably have been a bit depressed about getting up this late, because it'd leave me with less of a day to work with, and probably imply that I went to bed a bit later than I should have, but yesterday that really wasn't the case!

I went to bed around 1, wrote my diary entry, closed my eyes right away and fell asleep like a log. Which means I slept just about ten full hours! And I needed that.

I feel great today. Rested. Ready. Awesome.

02/21

The days blaze by in a daze... some days go slow, but I don't feel like I accomplish everything I set out to do anyway.

I go to work, or I stay home, and when I'm home I feel like I'm not forced into the routine anymore. I take it easy. I slow down. It's like I need the workplace to speed up and accomplish things, and start taking the opportunities when I'm not there to rest up... but I don't need to rest up! I need to get other things done. And get outside. And LIVE.

The days blaze...

02/22

Should I talk about stress again?

Questions. No answers. Well I guess I'll answer when I start writing... like right now.

It comes and goes. I feel like I grow more and more stressed towards the end of the day, where I become more and more sluggish with what I do, and realize more and more that time is nearing a close and I won't be able to accomplish all the things I set out to do... and I feel even more stressed when I know I've been doing things I didn't need to.

Bedtime. Angst. What am I doing.

02/23

I'm thinking about writing a bit on impressions. The little things. The details you notice, and might be able to elaborate upon within writing.

I was thinking the other day about how my one hundred word posts lately don't seem to serve so much purpose. They're becoming more like a diary an outlet than the creative amps they were in the beginning, so I was wondering how I could get that back... what can I write about in a hundred words that doesn't either become fragmented or just deal with the every day stuff?

Impressions... that's the shizzle. Alright.

02/24

Impressions other than weather?

I was going to go for the snow today. It lines the window frame nicely... is how I was planning to start, but it seems there's no snow there after all. It's blown away.

Standing up I can see that it's still on the slanted terracotta roof outside, but it's not visible from a sitting angle, and the cars and lampposts I do see... they're all bare.

We've had winter for a few days now, and sometimes it snows, yet it just doesn't seem to add up. It swirls. It soothes... but where does it go?

02/25

The chocolate calendar, btw. The disappointing one. The one that after the first few pieces kept cycling through the same types of chocolate for all remaining days... that one ran out yesterday.

I actually ate the last piece the day before, though. I was planning to leave it to the final day anyway, after opening - hoping it would be some especially savorable ultimate last-day piece but... it was the same as all others, and it wasn't even one of the better ones.

So that's the last time I buy that calendar. Last time. Unless it's super cheap. Or free.

02/26

I saw a band-aid on the train. Red. Soaked with blood... I assume.

It lay under the seat in front of me, and to the side of it was a pool of blood... I assume. Dried up, though. Just a thin layer. Not a real pool - not even a puddle. More like... stain. Just a flare of drama there.

I made it dramatical in my mind though. I wondered what had happened. Who had been cut down. Which body part had been sliced open. And I wonder where they got the band-aid from! Do people usually carry with them such things?

Maybe I'll never know.

02/27

I'm taking a break after February I think...

I feel like I really need it. Life is going sideways and I'm still managing my routines like it's just a constant game of catching up. Like... that's how it should be. But no, it's not. I should catch up and move onward. Or I should abandon. Drop old projects. Keep evolving.

I don't know if a hundred words a day is really my thing. I get hung up on things all too easily, and though I have had real bursts of creativity here... maybe this will be a long term break.

02/28

Maybe I'll come back later and regret that I gave this up - that I paused, since it's not all that much to type up each day, but climbing up in batch amounts I feel like people might actually READ these posts, and what do I really have to say these days? This isn't the kind of creative strain I signed up for.

It's better Jodi gets the main audience. ;) Why not. I haven't even updated my profile pic since 2014. That should say something shouldn't it?

I'm not wallowing in self-pity here, I'm just saying: it's time to explore, find a new goldmine and pump some creative fuel again.

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