2020 - June
It's been a while since I tried this month. I'm not sure I made it last time. Summer always comes with.... everything summer comes with, and somehow this month usually seems to be left un done.
Not this year though, right? This year I'll FIGHT! This year I'll go forth till the pitch black of NIGHT! With a pitchfork and a STRIKE! To lift wars to the SKIES!
I don't know what I'm rambling on about. Some kind of inspiration. Fueled by the recent riots, maybe, though I really don't condone them.
Here in Sweden a school I went to as a little kid recently burned out. Intentionally. The entire school.
What's up with this world.
What is up with the world, really?
These riots going on in the US lately. All of a sudden the radio shows are all focused on the topic of racism. I didn't know Sweden had such a history (does it?). I didn't know racism existed here - at least not to the same extent as in the US. At least not for the same groups. Historically maybe the Sami would be our best black equivalent.
Suddenly they're making the term so mainstream. Cultural oppression a prevalent topic in societies all over the world (or just in Sweden?). I'm not sure this is the best way to get rid of it.
Seems better to stand united. Riots don't promote unity at all, and racial segregation shouldn't even be a thought. It shouldn't exist. What is it.
Before we had names for all of our diseases. did we really feel so sick? Is knowing how sick we are the best way to make us better? That classic saying comes to mind: ignorance is bliss. So true.
So truth... do we really want to know it? Maybe the real problem is that we constantly get bombarded by false truths these days. Governments and corporations covering their tracks and wrongdoings with a veil of misinformation. Some we evade, and pride ourselves in evading, but some hit us without us even knowing. Like a shadow shuriken.
How would this world be if everyone was just a bit more honest? Food for thought...
And then in the wake of corporate misinformation comes well-meant misinformation. Conspiracy theorists that uncover some truths that are true, and some that are false, but believe even some of the false truths to be true as well, and try to enlighten people with the best intentions.
So we grow weary of false truths spread with good intentions, and instead turn to the false truths spread with the wrong ones again, since they just have so much better marketing and reach.
What a melting pot of perspectives this world is. Of ideas. Of ideologies. Of commerce. And communism now has a bad rep since all regimes that have tried to implement in on a larger scale apparently became dictators instead.
So for the people, what is there?
Globalism is dangerous because it makes it easy to spread your ideology, or product, or whatever intentions you may have - good or bad.
It's dangerous because the people with the worst intentions are also often the richest. It makes sense, doesn't it, that the dimmer your moral compass the more money you can earn?
Part of me respects criminal organisations since they don't sugarcoat their business. They are what they are. But the bigger corporations, they aren't always what they are at all...
They might have started that way, but how can you profit without sacrifice? It's not easy.
So much mockery behind our corporate veil.
I spoke some pretty true truths at the start of this month huh. Some pretty somber word boats. Some pretty realistic piles of say say do do. Go go get get. Don't fret. Let the world turn and just do you. And I wonder if that saying at its core has anything to do with masturbation... isn't everything sexual after all?
Our gestures. Our words. Our commercials. Our media. Our truths and our lies and all things between, in the end all it boils down to is procreation. Our genes. Our qualms and desires. It's all that truly fuels us.
Whatever word you put to the unity.
Or nah. Hmm. Who knows.
You're reluctant to voice certain opinions because they'll give a certain picture of you, but if I were to drag up proof. All these traces in popular culture that may prove my assumptions are true... you'd either agree or you'd call me a fool. For seeing things too suggestively.
What you see depends entirely on your mind state, true, but is it the same for the way you word things? The way you draw things? They way our society's shaped, in both verbal and visual form?
Subconscious or conscious. Who knows. Other topics, alright...
First day up North today. Surreal day. You walk around in a daze. You're not sure you're really there. You were just someplace else, and now, already... how can you be here already?
When it's so beautiful and wild, and so uncivilized.
When you're there you wonder why people flock so towards the cities. How people cope with living in those concrete jungles where everyone's always at someone's throat. There's no room to cope. There's nothing for free. You take what you get, not what you need. You can't even swim. You can't even breath.
And yet that's where most choose to be...
Had a headache this day.
I still managed. I went around and did the things I had to do, just at a slower pace than usual.
It's not so strange really. You stress, and tense up, and sleep badly, and then start living a whole new way, doing more than you're used to... the body can't really keep up/the body relaxes/the body lapses/you'd better kick back and exact bliss instead. Rest your heavy heavy head on a heavy heavy bed...
It faded towards the end of the day, and I wondered if I couldn't have done more after all. As you always do when you've felt worse, and feel better, and forget how it was.
My buddy Nietz had a real surge of inspiration earlier this month.
He deleted everything on a whim, and felt unburdened and free; ready to embark on the journey anew. Surges of inspiration unlike he'd ever felt before. But I wonder. I haven't heard much from him since...
I wonder if he's back in his old tracks again. And I wonder if it was because purging your past gives a false sense of freedom, when really you carry your burdens within you, no matter the material.
Or if it's because he didn't actually purge everything after all; he still had copies stashed away...
Maybe our ties to the material realm are difficult to haze.
Well, I know they are. I've gathered too much already. Barely lived a third of my life (I hope), and yet the mounds of material possessions amount, and keep me from my more important conquests.
I notice when we move around. When I move from the regular lair to the family home, to that little cottage, and I've managed to spread out my possessions evenly between all three.
It's not like it's all valuables either. Some might be. Mostly it's just mementos, and items I don't want to throw away though I no longer need them. Like old books.
But are possessions the issue, or is the issue the room you have at your disposal to store them?
I convince myself it's the latter. There's never enough room to tidy things up enough. To keep things in order.
But if I had more space no doubt I'd have more stuff.
Such is the material cycle.
And the managerial cycle is to recycle. To consume, and to throw away. To use your resources wisely.
If only personal life was all business, then maybe it wouldn't be so difficult. Maybe we wouldn't get so nostalgic and unreasonable.
Personality. It's business as usual.
One of these days... I'm not sure which day it was. The eleventh or the twelfth, maybe. I dug up the entire upper plot, turned the soil and weeded what weeds there were, and mom started drawing rows for the summer crops.
I'd done some prep work for a couple days prior to it. Dug deeper to recycle the leafs and debris from last year. Weeded a little. But this was the decisive push, only one small patch left towards the lower corner when dinner neared and we decided that was it for the day...
So I fixed that last patch today. That is all.
And then I mowed the lawn.
Most of it.
Mostly all of it in a single day, leaving only the uneven patch in front of the house and one towards the water where the grass hadn't fully grown yet.
Our cutters aren't the easiest to use, and towards the end of the day not only was my back totally out of it after the prior patch-digging, but my arms and legs too. I hadn't felt so tired in a long time. And it lasted all weekend.
And the grass started growing noticeably taller just a couple days later, again!
I think dad will be busy a while now...
The fifteenth was my last day.
Still tired. Still recuperating from prior arduous pre-summer undertakings regarding the garden.
My good buddy Andreas stopped by on Sunday, so that one day took a somewhat calmer stride, though I was feeling almost like I could be coming down with a cold. Almost fell asleep in the sofa towards the end of the day. Rested a bit more than usual. Took a lot of vitamins.
Monday... still a bit tired, but I kept going at a decent pace, and after afternoon tea we rolled away, towards an exciting plane trip back South...
Face masks obligatory.
Can't board the plane without one, though people flocked in the waiting room without, and some coughed, and yet many (among them me) were hesitant to put on their masks until the very end.
We're not used to masks here. We need fresh air. We're Vikings!!! Some of us.
But on the plane everyone wore one, and I sat with an empty seat between me and the next guy, snoozing (shortage of air, maybe?) the entire time, though some people sat three in a row, even though it's against regulations. Planes are overbooked again. They only fly twice a day though.
We arrived at a ghost town of a terminal, now the same both for domestic and international flights, and walked past barred shops and restaurants towards a near-empty parking...
It's fascinating. And eerie. Part of me looks forward to the next trip again.
Listening to Joe Rogan again. Trying to get some work done. Hoping to catch up with some of these hundred word posts as well, which I haven't had time for during the past week up North.
It's been a blast though. Cold baths every day, hard work in the garden, sunshine... almost too much sunshine. Almost too much work too. Or rather too bad shape to do enough work in short enough time. Ugh...
How can I better prepare for these summers? Each year it's the same thing, and yet as they close in time's never enough to exercise. All the more dues before the new dues, before the new dues.
That's life huh. But at least it's summer.
Thinking I should listen more to Mike Tyson too. I've tired of Joe. Conversations are entertaining but not as enlightening as I perceived them earlier on - it's often the same thing over and over, and maybe that's not so strange with this great an amount of episodes, and lately also a great amount of re-occurring guests.
The one I still enjoy listening to over and over is Bill Burr, maybe I should give his podcast a try instead...
I wonder if I'm the one who needs a break from Joe's podcasts or if he's the one who needs a break. He's been going consistently so long, and you can only experience so much in life during a certain amount of time. But maybe I've just listened to too many too fast...
Midsummer Eve today.
it's the day we celebrate. The day when usually we all get together and have a fun time, and party to the extent reasonable folks like us do party (no alcohol, no drugs... technically I'm not sure it really is a party at all?).
It was good though.
We were just four guests this year, and sat at as large a distance as possible from each other around the table, but played a game, and cards, and ate great food, and when it was all over it wasn't such a bad time after all.
Was so lazy this weekend.
Or maybe lazy isn't the right word. I was too ambitious. I went to bed late yet didn't sleep too well because of the warmth, didn't exercise enough because I wanted to spend my time on more important things, and so the weekend flew by a bit faster than I expected or wanted it to.
It wasn't bad though! I did get stuff done. I worked my ass off so now I'm sitting here with no ass but: worth it.
That sounded more entertaining and tasteful in my mind. Whatever. Have a great weekend. Savor.
Regarding the weather: it's hot.
I'm somewhat fearing the week to come right now. After Tuesday it'll move up to the thirties, and stay there for three days straight, not wavering all that much during the nights either.
I'm thinking I may need to move my whole computer rig, bed and all downstairs. It's just too much! Too hot. I'm already sitting here in my shorts and sweating. Barefoot. Trying to catch some coolness from the bathroom tiles when I occasionally splash my face.
Summer man... you'd better appreciate it anyway. It's a short-lived season. I'll miss it when it's gone.
Hunchback of Knotted Dome.
Trying to think of something like Notre Dame that sounds like Home.
I don't know.
I sit way too crooked when I sit by the box though. Upstairs with my rocks stoned. I don't know what hiphop moans.
I can't seem to make sense today. Words come fast; it's an endless fray. Some day maybe I'll get onto Sway and have a say but maybe not, cause I haven't got the freestyle skills. I'd be so nervous there that I might reel for real.
And I don't even do alcohol or pills! Oh well.
Life's a journey and I'm not a hotel.
Trying to get my printer to work today...
I'd assumed you could scan documents without connecting it to the computer. Enter the document you want to scan, then add some paper, then hit the button and voila!
But apparently either that's not how it works or my printer is out of ink, or it's out of black ink, since I've been printing with a combination of color to make it look black since the black ink went out - not wanting to change just one cartridge individually, but it makes sense it'd try black on a scan...
I'll figure it out.
Fan on full blast. Feet soles sweating. Sitting here without a shirt or socks, hoping I don't catch a chill, but at current room temperature it seems unlikely.
I just hope I'm currently not catching a cold though, or worse. I woke up crazy tired, but stumbled to the computer anyway since I had work to do, and have attempted to take power naps during the day but not really managed to fall asleep. I did get one good rest at least. Am eating healthy today. hopefully I'll sleep better tonight and wake up all good tomorrow...
This warmth's a killer though. No energy. Bad sleep. Tired eyes. Not ideal mood today.
The sun's blazing, and usually during cases of suns blazing I'd want to go out and sap the sun a bit, but today...?
Not so sure. I've been trying to avoid it. Opening the door between the balcony and living room downstairs would let in the heat too, and I definitely do not want that. It takes me all night to chase it out again, and even then I don't fully succeed.
I'm not listening to podcasts lately because it's hard enough to focus as it is, and I suppose I'm also tired of hearing the constant whirring of the fan soon as I put it on.
For now: enduring in sweaty silence.
I've got some dues today. Right after I've written this I'ma do them. Been stalling too long. Like all morning, even though it's more like a full month now. Stuff on the backburner. A hotel I need to call. A refund I was supposed to be given back in March, that has yet to arrive, that even though it is not such a great amount I really want to receive, and I won't wait any longer. Now's the time. Time to call them. Time to get this sorted. Time to settle this once and for all. Filler lines seize now.
Work... man... we've had this platform launch in our sights for over a year now. The first real deadline was right before Christmas. The second one was some time this spring, then the third of June, and then now before I leave but... we're not there yet! We're still struggling onwards and all third-parties we're working with aren't working like we wish they would!
How difficult can it really be to launch something?
Maybe our err is always paying too much attention to the small things. But that's what you're supposed to right? Test until it's right.
Hopefully we can do this soon, if not: no hope for July or June...
We'll try again in August.
Final day of the heatwave today!
It wasn't so bad. My sister came over for tea, and we took a walk during the warmest hours of day... the house kept the warmth even after, but it wasn't hellish. It wasn't break-out-the-air-conditioner-and-relish type heat anymore. It was just open the windows and feel a small breeze, and the night might be alright.
It's strange how you never fully appreciate what's here. Now that it's waning away I feel like I'll miss the heat, yet when there was no end in sight it felt unbearable... it's definitely more balanced now though. It's perfect.
I can't complain at all.
I tried freestyling a bit yesterday.
Just went off the top of my head entirely a while before bedtime, and saw if I couldn't move past the word-stumbling that I usually do when I try it... and sometimes it worked! There's hope. It might not be an impossible craft after all. It might just be that I have this initial roadblock where I feel it's impossible, even if it's not.
I've thought my limited English vocabulary might be the issue but maybe that's not it... maybe all you really need to do is practice.
Hone the speed of thought.
Did you know they're also known as walking rocks, or sailing stones? Stones that grow up in very specific conditions, that may with the help of wind, ice, clay, and constantly heating and freezing temperatures, travel of their own accord over large areas of smooth surface land.
I wonder if the band had any idea about these though. I wonder which came first, name-wise... both are relatively old phenomena.
And that about concludes my writing this June, before I leave on summer vacation.
Have a good one you.