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2021 - June

06/01

What a month! What a crazy month it's been. And what a crazy month it seems like it's going to be.

We just switched offices - the boss and his brother were at work with it all the weekend - I was dealt the somewhat less straining task of setting up the network and getting the computers running. I really am impressed with their stress resistance. They manage so much. We're not all settled in yet but the main move's over.

In three days I'm driving up North with my parents, I'll be there over the weekend helping set up shop and maybe plant some crops.

And then... well let's talk about that some other day. June's booked. I'm trying to calm down. Stress levels too high. *deep breath*...

06/02

Weekend trip upcoming quick. Long drive up North. It's tomorrow. I've been stressing with work, but had a bit more calm today. Dues done. Queue's run down. I could slow the roll a bit and try to ease down before the things that come to be come to be... and had time to pack after work too without staying up all too crazy late either. But as usual my vacation (not really vacation - vacation in the traditional sense of the word not the new and leisurely one) is ill-timed with work. There's always something. I don't think it's me though, somehow the bigger projects just get scheduled in right around the times I leave...

06/03

And so we're off! Driving all day. Took a curve with a basil plant on the car roof. It crashed at the crossroad. I stopped the car, ran back and rescued it, and at the time of writing (a week or so later) I'm happy to note that it actually survived. :) Well, it was more than a plant. It was a plastic box with a bundle of them, and they didn't all survive, but some of them did! It really is a miracle of nature. Effervescent and stubborn herbs. They seem all the more alive now. Overall the drive went well.

06/04

Domsjö Apartments. If you're ever headed past Örnsköldsvik feel free to stop by and have a nap here. It's a nice place, complete with guestbook and three Plopp bars for each guest (a Swedish candy brand - chocolate and caramel nougat). Unfortunately the street outside's also a little noisy, it's one room with three beds, and my dad snores, and my mom too, and they wanted to go to sleep around four hours earlier than I'm used to... but I think I actually managed to slumber somewhat during the night. Somehow someway! I made it. And once again we're headed North...

06/05

The '5' was so close to the '#' legend here that I apparently missed it entirely when I caught up with previous days yesterday! They're both purple, as per the 'Needs an entry' annotation. So this needs an entry huh? I guess I'll write one. The fifth. I was up North here. I was slaving away in the garden. I was digging and dabbling and farming and getting things as done as possible! And that's what I did then. I felt free. I felt good. I think I had a headache too though but I... battled through it. Accomplishing day #feels.

06/06

If I thought the work days down South were bad, well woah then, these ones are GRUELING. But in a good way. Time seems to slow down. You manage more with the little you have at your disposal, you see the imprints of your accomplishments on the materials you manage, and after just two days I'm already happy with what I've done. Main tasks complete. I am however hella tired today, but it's a Sunday, so it seems somewhat suitable. Working on but at a bit slower pace. Occasionally lying on the tree house floor and singing to the birds; sprawled out completely.

06/07

Came in with a late night flight, took a late night bus and commuter train back home, and here I am now, in a dark house, with lush vegetation and crickets outside but feeling a little amiss that I'm here instead of where the world really is... where there's nature. And water. And peace. And I wake every day (usually at least) and truly feel at ease. But summer will come! For now I'd best hunker down and get back to work, and make me some money so that I can afford it... maybe sell a few things while I''m at it too cause there is TOO MUCH stuff around here. Feels all the more cramped after you've been out in: freedom.

06/08

First work day... has me feeling a little stressed, and a little depressed, but maybe the latter's more so just because I'm tired. Came in late and didn't sleep ideally. I should've left the computer a little quicker. I shouldn't be so ambitious with my time and all. That rhymes with Tylenol. I've never taken one but with the ongoing pains of life I know what those pills for those times are for... but it's not entirely bad is it. You might break down occasionally but maybe it lets you appreciate more. Maybe you get up again feeling stronger than before. And there's always tomorrow.

06/09

First day at the office after that recent weekend trip... it went alright! It went better than I expected actually. We're sitting close now. Not much distance between person and person. The printer's right on my desk beside me. Every time the accountant prints something (which is often) she gets to see what I'm doing, and that did add to my stress levels a little but... I think we'll manage. We get along, too. This one day it just felt good to occasionally have someone to talk to too. As I work and walk through dues. That is all. Feet don't hurt with shoes.

06/10

Something happened with the word count here? Something happened with the spacing and line breaks too... something's happening!!! I don't know if the site's getting an upgrade right at my time of writing or if something just broke down. Seems like maybe it's the latter. Like maybe the codebase has been outdated too long. I wrote a post with line breaks first but now I won't even bother, this is how it'll have to be from the start. So I envision it like it is. And if that doesn't make for the ideal reading experience then so be it. Alas. It's beyond my control.

06/11

I think I got my stress levels in check again. Feels like it. Hope so. Stressing up a bit again just because maybe they're not... It's been a pretty good work week this week though. Got back from the North alright, had a moment of melancholy and just overall feeling crazy down the day after, but the trip to the office the day after maybe fixed that... And right now it's feeling alright. It's not so bad after all. I'm getting stuff done, and feeling a little tense, but also like I just might manage it. Weekend's up next too.

06/12

Ah man, this stress... I wake up with it now. I wake up feeling tired and lost. Not sure how to best spend my day. It is however Saturday - my first real free day in a while now - and I feel like maybe it'll settle down if I just get some dues out of the way while I'm capable. Like right after this I plan on going over to an elderly neighbor and offer to cut her grass, as I've promised to this summer. That'd be step one. If I can get some drawing dues done too before the day's over maybe I'll wake up tomorrow feeling a bit more at ease... hopefulies.

06/13

Another somewhat stressful day. My sister came over, and we fixed up the garden, but she'd barely slept, and had a headache, and started feeling a little nauseous, and never eats lunch, and things just kept going that way until... her boyfriend picked her up and suddenly she seemed totally alright and they drove off and we hadn't even planted the potatoes yet or cleared up the walkway. I felt a little left out somehow. it all felt a little unfinished. Would be nice if she overcomes her personal ordeals so we can both manage these things with a bit more peace and harmony...

06/14

Back at work, and to a car workshop, and to find out there's not only a coolant leak in the car but that also the compressor is probably broken. I didn't ask them to fix it. It'd cost around 8000 SEK. Not cheap. I bought the car for 7000, and have spent maybe an equal amount on other repairs so far, and this one in particular is at least one I CAN live without. It is getting a little warm though. It would be nice to have it all fixed. Hmm. What's money worth; what's wasteful; what's the best choice... been thinking a bit about selling this car too.

06/15

Oh man what a crazy day. Nephew came in this morning, and we've been moving between meals and Frisbee golf courses and occasional dues between those things too when time allowed it/he had something scheduled. He works freelance and has his hands full, but still time to spare, and I am amazed at both how much he manages, and occasionally how much he makes time for even though he doesn't really seem to have time at all. Needless to say it's been a crazy day, though not as stressful as I might've figured, and I thought I'd be hella tired, but I wasn't, not until I went to sleep at least. Feels good too.

06/16

And another crazy day... Nephew had a meeting in the city, and I was scheduled for the office, so we drove in at the same time - a bit earlier than I usually drive in - and I dropped him off on location. Went to work. Had a pretty stressful day there too. Came back to pick up my nephew at my sister's place, and had a (fantastic; very appreciative) meal, and stayed too long, and finally drove home half an hour to midnight... It's been a good day, but towards the end of it I was just totally purged of energy. Feeling resentful towards anyone who seemed to be having a good time. The worst sides of myself seeping through; I had to fight to contain them. Not fight that much but... a little... I still have a long way to go before I reach the level of the masters. Of calm. Of dealing with situations as if you weren't even you. As if you were outside yourself. Just passing through.

06/17

This week sure blew by fast... well, it's not over yet. It almost feels like it is though. So much dues. So many things. Items a la all over. My nephew's been visiting a few days. He came in to the airport at 7:30 on Tuesday and I was there to pick him up. Before work I'd planned, though I ended up having the day free, so we toured a couple Frisbee golf courses and had a good breakfast/lunch/dinner just before midnight because the second course took a bit more time than expected... and then... just two more work days? Second one today?! Feels like it's been so much longer... time's flying but: it's not going fast. In a good way. Mostly. Though a little stressful too. Sometimes.

06/18

Sandbankarna in Gävle. They're a nice place. A little sandy beach area by the woods, by the coast, with ice cold water but so warm air you felt both chilled and warm at the same time when you came out of it. It was a strange combination. And the beach was packed with people. Most of them just lying around, sipping sunshine. We two were the only ones who really took a swim. Also stopped for an hour at Furuvik, and at an old dam, and a couple gas stations and a restaurant and man did this day pass by fast... good trip though.

06/19

Played Frisbee golf in the pouring rain, watched a movie, threw some darts, had a good meal and forgot all about my daily cup of coffee. No wonder I felt tired! Got up around 1, which was actually very on time considering we were in bed around 3 AM, but still feels like the day both flew away and lasted a long time. Got a walk with my brother and his girl (and their dog) too. Had a chat. Feels good to at least see them after a full year of pandemic woes and meeting uncertainties, but yeah, short trip. Very short.

06/20

Came up from Östersund today, after being there for basically just one day. Drove up with my nephew on Friday, in a car with no air conditioning and 32C outside - windows open, music blasting, frequent pauses... it took 13 hours!!! We arrived at 2:38 AM, and this time it took just 8 or 9. Back home at 10 PM. Took less breaks, had better weather, I had a headache but it passed. Still though... feel kinda tired right now. I'm spent on energy and not totally happy with how much this quick trip cost. Should have been a little longer.

06/21

And so the work week begins again! Though it's a shorter one this time. Midsummer's coming this Friday, and tomorrow I'll be taking a trip to the Gröna Lund theme park, and after that it's just two more weeks before I leave... on vacation. I wish it was for good. I wish I had a new job and house and everything waiting for me and didn't need to go back, and if that's not a sign that I'm not happy with my job or life or anything right now then I'm not sure what is. But first: these three weeks...

06/22

Gröna Lund! What a crazy crazy day. Roller coasters. Theme park extraordinaire. Every time I go there lately I am just slightly ashamed I still haven't gone on the craziest carousels or highest rides. They still scare the shit out of me and/or may come with a severe case of nausea, and I just don't see the thrill in that. I do love roller coasters, but when I'm with people who just want to get wild with everything I also do feel like a bit of a wimp. Am I? Is my integrity strong or am I just no fun? Though we did tame the monster, and that one wasn't that bad at all.

06/23

So I'm back at work again! At a company not in the best of places. With profits a dwindling. With offices a shrinking. With a lot of things no longer looking as ideal as they seemed to be in the first place... but hopefully it's just a phase. A short stop on the road to greatness; eventually we do take over the world. To some extent I feel responsible too. Been focusing more on problem-solving than expansion. Haven't always put in the best of my abilities into the job but... on the other hand I do more than I have to; I do what's asked of me; I do stress. I'm no lazy bum yo. Hope we grow and lunge fro.

06/24

I just keep skipping days this month! Can't do a thing about it. They come and go. Sometimes too fast; no times no slow. And lately I've been dealing with a lot of vaccinated people, who cough, and shiver, and seem generally unwell, and have been making me just a little paranoid about potentially also contracting the covid via this supposed cure for it... dare I say I'm not so positive towards the vaccine. I wish It had been better tested. I wish they'd gone through their phase three trials before this. Hopefully though it'll all be alright for all of us...

06/25

Midsummer day! Or... evening? Untranslatable alternative naming referring to a time of day rather than the day itself, which is in Sweden often used to denote the day before a particular day that is actually more important than the other day it's a prelude to. In this particular case: Midsommarafton. Either way I spent it with some relatives. Cousins, and an old lady, eating salmon pudding and cake and ice cream and not taking a walk at all which is currently making me feel pretty unhealthy but... hope to work it off a bit tomorrow. Party again. Hope to take the bike there this time around...

06/26

Celebrated a buddy's birthday today! Or cousin. Buddy cousin. Both buddy and cousin. We usually have a good time when we get together, and maybe a better time today than yesterday too, considering the games we played somehow felt less pressured, and the mood was good, and the air was cooler, and the party was thriving... I just feel like I ought to walk a bit more, because after two days of eating good foods and barely moving around at all I'm starting to feel a bit... fat. And not as efficient in peripheral tasks. Like this. Tomorrow, I guess. Walk then.

06/27

I sold off exactly ten items via auction this weekend. Packed in seven of them yesterday, am about to pack in the remaining three after lunch, then take a quick bike ride to the office to send them away and hopefully take a long walk too cause I'm feeling kinda... fat. Yes I know I said that yesterday. And I'm still feeling fat. And I still haven't taken a walk. If I don't manage the walk I need to work out tonight. Maybe take a jog. Do something. The fridge still has plenty of food I need to eat before I leave too. Not so hungry...

06/28

Went to the movies today, for the first time in... a little more than a year now. Almost a year and a half. Last time I went it was for a special preview of The Gentleman, just weeks before they started closing down the cinemas and introducing restrictions on how many people could be in the same place at the same time. This time it was for The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard, and a trailer for a new Guy Richie movie played right before it... it was great. Both trailer and movie. Hope to see that one on the big screen too real soon.

06/29

Phew! Just got two reviews done. Just two?! I'd planned on posting a hundred today - or at least a good sixty. I have bundles to catch up on. I need to draw too. I need to make a phone call. I have dues for days, but I do feel like I'm making progress, and after I've written this I'm about to go about and have a much belated walk before I make another attempt to get back into that groove of efficiency and duke some out. You do need to get a break occasionally. There's no movement without movement. Move on.

06/30

I'm taking a break! Final day now. After this I'll be 1) Fixing up some very very overdue ISRC registrations, 2) Finishing up some very overdue background drawings for an upcoming project and 3) Plowing through as much as possible of all other less urgent dues that remain. There's plenty. I'm traveling up to the family farm in just about a week now. I'm a little stressed, but confident I can manage this remaining time decently. There's my day job too. Can't wait till I finally unplug and leave whatever remnants are still on my tray till after summer; hopefully there's nothing left that's urgent enough to steal my peace of mind during that time... I'll see you in a month or two! Whenever new writing is up and due. Happy summer.

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