2022 - February

02/01

Back at it like a crack addict huh! How long will I keep on, writing these wordy but worldly wonders on a daily basis, even when I have little to write? Though lately I feel I have too much instead. There's weight on plate. There's trials in my mind. In my sleep and living habits there are signs all the time. That I'm yet not in my best mind but I am trying to climb. To break through this shit. Not to unwind but to find: a good tempo. So I can fix me and myself without going all mental.

02/02

Ahh the work week's over! Sort of. When it comes to my day job. Freelance and other dues await for another two, and maybe the weekend too; there is no ease or truce. But I feel like I ended my main work days on a good note. Was pretty stressed, but worked though the more important issues and come out somewhat on top of it all. There are a few things I'd like to sit down and discuss with my boss, but we'll get to that. Just got to shut that part of me down now and deal with some other issues first.

02/03

Mixtape work today! I'm finally on track with what dues I need to get done, and it's fun once you get started with it. Still have queues of dues but... no excuse. Shall plow through. I got up early for unrelated tasks and the extra daytime's a bonus, but I'm growing tired, so I'm taking a break with d-vitamin and coffee, and a B12 as soon as I finish those. Best get through the day now. Make the most of it. Be on my way now. Grow new flow to enrich the way down, where I'm going... is that a promise or an omen.

02/04

Headache today, and it's a pretty bad one. I think I'll start marking my days with this on my dailies, and see how many of these days I have on an average month. Feel like it's been a bit more common lately, and they really do add certain disturbance to my days. Distract me from my dues. And what have I got to lose. Best document the issue and maybe solve it if I've use for solving the trouble that here brews... I do have a couple communications I need to make though. Get those done then: rest. Read a bit maybe.

02/05

Party day today! Took a walk with a cousin, had a big meal, played some games, had some waffles, played some more, and drove home in the night... had a somewhat embarrassing moment when the car alarm starting going off while I was trying to disconnect the car battery after locking my car though. Protip: don't lock the car before you disconnect the car battery, cause apparently that doesn't work! The alarm still holds a charge? Or just one pole on the battery is enough to set the alarm off? I'm not sure how that works but: it works. Probably a good thing too, just good to know about if you happen to need to disconnect that battery.

02/06

If you wonder why I needed to disconnect that battery btw, it's because the electrical issues still persist. They're back. I had to cancel the time for troubleshooting because the problem disappeared, but since it disappeared for a while when the temperature was under zero I think it's safe to assume that it's affected by humidity, though I'm still not sure exactly how and why. Will it disappear again when the weather really warms up and I can air out the car a bit better? Or will it come back with a vengeance whenever it rains? Is this something that needs be fixed or is it only temporary? Gotta figure it out somehow...

02/07

Had a good day at work today! Never mind those electrical car issues that persist, and have me having to disconnect the battery before and after each drive. The mood was good. I got things done. We changed the date of a meeting in my favor as well, so I could attend the Buddhist temple I might've mentioned earlier at the end of February? If I haven't mentioned it earlier: I'm goin' y'all! The flight is booked, the booking is booked, and now it's AOK with work as well. So I'm happy today. Troubleshooting electrical issues thing: there may be some of that tomorrow.

02/08

Mom's tongue swelled up yesterday. It got worse during the night. She has trouble swallowing, and general discomfort. Doesn't want to see a doctor though. Doesn't know what to do. Is walking around and trying to sleep and looking generally helpless and desperate, and I have an important company meeting early tomorrow, barely slept at all last night, ate too much for dinner yesterday and now have an anal fissure too. Feeling kinda perturbed by the overall situation, but got some fresh air anyway and am trying to go about things like usual, all the while reminding her to drink enough water and avoid histamine-rich foodstuff. The hospital apparently doesn't have any room today, maybe tomorrow...

02/09

My mom's tongue got so swollen we eventually had to call the hospital about it, and they sent out a doctor, they gave her eight strong cortisone tablets to reduce the swelling and checked blood pressure, breathing, etc... and recommended we drive in to the hospital. At 1:30 AM. I'd tried going to bed around 1 hoping they'd take care of the swelling and maybe I'd get a good nights rest before an important business meeting tomorrow, but instead I had to get up and drive, and back home at ~4 in the morning, when early birds were starting their commute to work...

02/10

It's all good now though. The swelling's gone, and my work day went alright, though I was pretty tired during the meeting to say the least. Drank ginseng and coffee and tried to stay focused and eventually started feeling like I reaaaally needed to go to the bathroom by the end of it... but it all went alright, and when you manage challenges you grow your confidence a bit, so in the end it was a nice adventure after all. Not pleasant for mom of course, and we're thankful she's back to normal now, but what a trip. Sleep time.

02/11

Oh my day. Oh these great UK strains of lingo! They're nice to say. I've been riled up a bit but I'm taking things away now. I'm getting back in shape now. I'm getting back on break now (weekend tomorrow). Though it does feel like that recent hospital journey in the early morning messed up my bedtime routines even further. I wasn't asleep before four yesterday. Though I was up relatively early today anyway - low on sleep again - and hoping to recoup a bit when this day is over. And it'll be the weekend for real. Got dues then too...

02/12

It's Saturday! I'm starting the day late. Got up just past 12 AM, even though I went to sleep at 2 - which is earlier than it's been in a fair few days now. Thought I'd get better waking habits but it seems I really needed a bit of rest instead, and I do feel pretty good right now! Yesterday it felt like a cold might've been coming on. Opened up the hundred word site to write my batch, read one of the daily entries there and closed it down again, but still had wordcounter.net open to remind. Here we go...

02/13

Got another batch of words for ya here! It's been a good day, and so I'm writing, but it hasn't been amazing. I've had a haircut, and I've started selling weight vests, and I've taken a couple walks, and I've responded to a buncha people... but I also woke up way too late, and have been tired all day and don't feel like I'm making that much progress in life overall. Like all needs a mighty overhaul. Tomorrow's Monday though! New start once more, and there's a bunch I need to do... it's my dad's birthday for starters. Card. Presents...

02/14

The time on my alarm clock was two hours early this morning... or late, depending on how you view it. Late for me. Early for the time it showed. For some reason it'd settled on 7:30 AM even though it was actually 10:16. I should've gotten out of bed around 10:10. Work day. Fortunately mom came storming in, wondering why I wasn't up, and made me aware of this severe alarm clock malfunction. Could the batteries have jostled a bit? What happened? I've set the time as it should be and it seems to be working now...

02/15

Big day today! I'm waiting on a weight vest retrieval for starters. Should be here in about 40-45 minutes, and I figure I'll go fetch a package and get this (writing) done first. Eating breakfast by the computer. Got up on time today - my alarm clock worked perfectly this time, though the dump trucks woke me up early so I didn't get a flawless session of sleep anyway. Dumb trucks. But that's the one schmucks! The one grievance so far. Overall: this day finna be awesome. I'm a make the best of it, and write tomorrow, and attest to it. See ya then.

02/16

Hella busy day today too, but we saw Uncharted, me and a cousin, at the big screen, at the movies I mean, at the cinema and all that. And it was GREAT. I hadn't even watched the trailer - I didn't know this movie was a thing before he suggested we see it, but it might've been the best movie call he's made thus far! Great movie. Maybe there are certain imperfections when it comes to effects and motions up in the air, but it was such a wholesome adventure, and the chemistry between the main characters was great. Hope to see more of these guys soon.

02/17

Aaa, too much. It's piling up again. It's weighing on my mind. Though I feel I do get better at multitasking the more I do, and at leaving things be when I need to focus on other things. Like right now I was just speaking to a somewhat difficult individual on Discord and getting a little aggravated by our exchange, but now I'm writing this, and it's okay. I leave it be. I focus on the task at hand. I get back to it later. These dailies may get a little mundane though, don't know if they're worth much for the future but... I'm getting better at life. Slow but steady. With the common frustrations and aggravations. That's the message here.

02/18

Feeling a lotta pressure lately! Got four audio projects I need to deliver and one larger one I'll be putting out myself soon, and still when multiple individual things start amounting I start chasing different dues entirely. It never fail me. I don't procrastinate G. I distract. I pursue things of lesser importance as to not deal with the items of greater value, and that is precisely why I'm not getting where I want to be in life isn't it. How do you get out of this loop? There's no trick to it. Just do it. Start with one thing.

02/19

Oh my, the time! Where does it fly? The snow is white outside today and I'm sitting inside. But I did go out and shovel snow, and I feel warm although it's cold, I went in shorts and thought if people faced me may they think I'm a little crazy... but I'm still going strong with a cold shower routine, and that felt similar. The cold does you good. As long as your heart's strong enough it warms you right back up after, and even more so. I'm warm like a furnace. Time goes we burn days strong. Come on.

02/20

Interview day today, and I've been prepping and stressing and trying to get other dues done too but then just prepping and stressing again. Prepping how? By speaking. Practicing questions. Trying to get my vocal tone right. Recording other bits and pieces between things as to warm up my voice, and exercising. Ab-related stuff impacts the diaphragm. Then interview time came and... my guest had overslept. New time. Dinner. And we did it, finally, and I am SO FRUSTRATED about both my weak and nasal tone and my inability to actually keep a conversation flowing. I'm not confident. I'm not satisfied. But this is how you grow huh? I need to interview more people...

02/21

I slept alright. Thought it'd be difficult after the blotched interview attempt yesterday - it went alright I guess, the material's edited and awaiting further action - but I did fall asleep, a bit earlier than usual too, and I'm up a bit earlier than usual too, and I am still frustrated over last night's bad attempt but what can you do. Just grow stronger. Just get better. Just practice and practice and practice until verbal proficiency even in speech becomes natural. As it is I hold conversations in Swedish and write in English, and I can probably write well in Swedish too if I need to, but to speak in English...? Not so well. Only when I visualize a conversation in my mind. Those turn out perfect.

02/22

My right hand's kinda cold. I guess it's cold in the room. I'm sitting here in shorts and wool socks, with a robe on, looking out at the snowy lands outside, plagued by ice and sleet during the night. My car's frozen over. I tried to swipe away the snow yesterday but it's the kind that sticks apparently. Just brushed off a surface veil - below it was as if it was glued. On side windows too. Mirrors. Everywhere. Might need to get up a bit earlier tomorrow if it doesn't start melting... but today I have other dues. Let's go.

02/23

Hooo what a day. What a way to start the day, I mean. It's just started. I'm just here temporarily, reveling in early morning hours, going at the work day like I have nothing to lose today! Cause I haven't. I was prepared to drive in to the office, but the boss was sick, so I took a morning walk and sat down by the computer at home instead aaand here I am. Happy because I saved on gas, and travel time, and had time for an extra walk. A little preoccupied since I was supposed to make a delivery after work near the office... well, we'll see how that goes. I've reached out.

02/24

Got the car checked. Muffler's been acting up. Apparently it wasn't just one muffler, it was both mufflers, and the pipe between them, and the end pipe, and everything, and it seems like it'll be a costly endeavor to fix but... maybe not. Fortunately I work at a spare car parts company and such things are right up our alley. :) So I'm both a little concerned and a little happy - the price doesn't seem nearly as high as it could've been. About to have lunch and then maybe make a couple calls and package up some presents and... it's alright.

02/25

Busiest day of the month this one. I've been stressed. I've been working a bit. I've been doing all kinds of shit, and then I calmed down, and everything seems to fall into place after all... everything really doesn't, still plenty of loose ends to sort out, but for the most part it does. I'll be ready on time, and I'll be leaving, and I won't be grieving, I'll find some meaning, I feel at peace when... the travel time finally draws so close there's no longer anything you can do about it, or anything more to do. It's time.

02/26

Boden y'all. Temple. Buddhist monks. I've been meditating and shit. I tried to get some warm water during my early morning shower but I'm not sure they even have heated water - ended up taking a cold one entirely. I guess it's a good thing I do take cold morning showers or it probably would've been way more difficult, but I usually lead up to the cold with a little warm water first so... that's more pleasant. But anyway, it's not a big thing, that's how it is there, and I wonder if maybe they have their own shower somewhere...with heating.

02/27

I left the temple after lunch, and felt kind of embarrassed. I said goodbye to some people there, but not all, but I don't even know them really. Yet they fed me, and let me sleep there, and all I did was try to join in on a few meditation sessions... I was expecting it'd be a very different kind of event, and that I wouldn't end up being the one Swede in a group of Thai people. But they're awesome people. I felt both so out of place and so welcome, and kind of... sad to leave this soon.

02/28

Fat Tuesday y'all! I had one bun at a café in Boden, and one as soon as I got home, fresh off a plane, and a bus, and another bus, and another bus, of which on the last ride a couple guys were hitting on a girl and being kinda vulgar about it all, and another girl in glasses dropped a package while she was moving past them to get off the bus, and picked it up quick and rushed off... things be happening here you know. A police car sped by too. I'm an observer... and I'm back home.