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2022 - January


New year, new me! I just wish I could initiate this new phase with a line break or two here two. It'd add to the pompousness and newness of it all. Strengthen said initiation. Really enforce the notion that this is NEW and I AM TOO. And I am going to get places this year, don't you worry about that. I just need to take a walk, breath some fresh air and gain a little clarity. I posted my resolutions, I revised my posts; I'm on the right track mentally. But physically I stagnate. Away with the sickness. Come here New Year.


Been feeling a lack of motivation lately, more so than any real sickness. I'm just not getting anywhere. I sit by the computer but I'd rather watch a movie than write, and plow through dues and reviews and what have you. I am doing things, don't get me wrong, I just lack the energy to really commit to my discipline, and I feel like I'm just in a perpetual state of tiredness. But you can't work out when you should be resting so... just a few sit-up's after this though. I'll get back on track. Have a crack. At it. Life is a damp attic.


I hear a beer can opening downstairs. My mom's recouping, sitting by the TV and watching old movies and slowly getting better. My dad's just holed up in his room, I think not getting better as quick, because he's just holed up in his room. But then again it's better to read than to just watch TV. I feel like both of them aren't really making the best effort to get well though. They drink little. They take only the supplements they absolutely have to. Meanwhile I'm snacking on chips and chocolate though so I'm not one to speak either.


I'm trying to get a move on. It's currently 14:34 PM, and I have things to do, but I just can't seem to focus. I slept for at least 8-9 hours though, so I should be fine. I still have a little phlegm in my throat and/or upper airways; I still feel a little tired, but I'm not particularly sick otherwise. It's frustrating when you feel alright, and you have things to do, and you have the drive too, but for some reason your body just won't play along. So maybe I am tired after all but... What.


Slept a little too little last night. My mind's not in the game yet and the day's almost over already, almost. I gotta get on track again, so I'm writing this real quick as to maybe regain my focus. Take a little break, get back and go full steam again, and it's a bridge between two podcasts. From one on the potential ailments of spike proteins and vaccination to Hotboxin' with Mike Tyson and Action Bronson. Gotta expand in all areas; keep various strains of potential wisdom coming in.... now back to work. Have a few things I must do.


We got a salad yesterday, but I have no idea what type it is. There's a company here that delivers a box of fresh seasonal veggies to your door, which is a great idea, but sometimes certain veggies on their list are out of stock and so they replace them, and they don't tell you what the replacements are, and sometimes said replacements are hella strange! So can we eat this? Do we need to cook this? How do we do this? I'll probably be trying some for lunch regardless and then we'll see... can't be inedible at least. Can it?


Where do those aspirations go... I wake up sick; I wake up slow. I want to get in shape, want to be on a roll, so I took a stroll, it's white it's nice it's cold. I think I'll turn this into a verse actually... visit the site later on to listen, it'll be... Cold Day Aspiration. ;) And so: we move onto other dues! I shall write up this one real quick and move onto the next bit. There's plenty in queue. There's plenty to do. I feel alright though, though spent and slow, entrenched in woe, how about you?


Went to sleep at four yesterday... went to bed about two hours earlier but I got stuck in stuff. Really f-ing (were you allowed to swear on I forget) up my sleep patterns,. I got up at twelve today, and shoveled some snow, and prepared a cup of coffee cause I feel a headache coming on right now... that's what happens when you just get up and start shoveling right away. Feels like overexertion. Strange kind of tension. Body not prepared for that much endeavor this soon after sleep. And I have stuff to do... get my shit together.


It's frustrating how easily you can spiral into a bad mood, and how little details that irk you just make it worse and worse, until the smallest frustration just makes you want to scream and shout and let it all out and then scheme and pout instead of getting things done and getting down and just putting on a frown and clowning instead of running around the Townsend Place. Bovis Homes. But hold your own, and it will get better. Some day you will wake up and be like 'really?!' Ideally you'd be there already but... maybe tomorrow I'll borough.


New week; new me! Felt a little disillusioned by the harsh realities of life yesterday... dues were picking up again and I was falling behind and I felt tired and stressed out and not too excited about getting back to work again this week... but now I am back at work again and it is ALRIGHT - I am happy to say. I woke up in good time - earlier than expected - but was not that tired. I thought I might get a headache, but took a cold shower. Put on a weight vest for the lunch walk - feel kinda empowered. And no headache, that faded away. So today is great.


Aaah sunshine. :) What a pleasant sight to wake up to. Slowly. The sun not fully bright as I do wake, but as the day comes to fruition it grows brighter and brighter, the sky clearer and clearer, the day fairer and fairer... and I'm sitting here working. But it's actually not a bad feeling right now. I'm about to finish things off for the day soon, lunch is in the oven and I'm heading out on a great adventure, of sorts. Going shopping; going to hopefully deliver a box of chocolates to a good friend. It's good to be alive.


How complex isn't Excel, really? Like why would they have functions that are bound to individual languages rather than a universal standard you can apply on an international level? And why does formatting so easily influence formulas and spreadsheet functionality? Why have formatting at all, really? Why not have that on a separate layer, so you can style how a worksheet is visually displayed to you - with fonts, text size, header colors and all, but not have said formatting carry over anywhere else, and thus avoid all potential formatting issues such functionality imposes. Functionality's way more important than form, no? I just realized.


I said I'd make no excuses today. Wrote a list of priorities on a note yesterday, with the intention I'd follow as soon as I got up, but now I am, and I've taken a walk, and I think I'll eat lunch first... it's probably a good call considering and I need that energy, but I'm always a little disappointed in how I can't seem to commit to these things directly. Other things get in the way, or discipline wavers. Takes a while to really build up the required focus and go for it. Maybe I'm a night owl hmm.


Another day of disappointment. Woke up in the sun, tired, headache blasting. I thought I might get one yesterday. Stayed up too late, watched too many movies, ate the wrong stuff, drank too little and too seldom, could've opened a window to get some fresh air into the room.... so many telltales. Weak. But that's that! I got a cup of coffee here in front of me and I'm getting better. Headache seems to be letting up, and I am POSITIVE I can go totally mental if I want to tonight. Get stuff done. If I go for it. Maybe I will.


Was planning to get a lot of shit done today, but I'm heading off to hang out with a buddy instead. He called yesterday with said hang-out proposal, and I haven't been hanging out with anyone but my parents (and on Christmas Eve my sister) for almost a full month at this point so... seems like the right thing to do, and the right day for it. It's the weekend after all. Change setting, socialize, and get back with a fresh mindset why don't you guys? I still feel a liiiittle snively though. Hopefully no contagions left to go around...


Oookay! I'm back at it again. Getting dues done today. I've gone through some correspondence, written a guest verse, gone through some blogs, and I'm doing this before I start revising another bundle of them. Feels good don't it. To get stuff done. To be getting somewhere in life, not just stagnating like you're on a mad vacation... though I feel like I could probably use one of those too. A little serious time off with a financial buffer that'd let me enjoy it to the fullest. Eat good, exercise plenty and meet some new people. Anyway, I'm doing stuff. All good.


Do you know how important sleep is? Do you really? (This is the place I'd usually add in a line break for proper pause.) I managed to get to bed a bit earlier than I usually do yesterday, and woke up a bit earlier than I usually do today, and I feel great. Might've had a weak headache coming on around noon, work stress I presume, but for the most part I've just been shoveling dues like there's no tomorrow... and yet I feel ready for tomorrow too. Just gotta get one more done and I'm ready to retire for the day. Sleep, y'all. Important.


Just wrote that bit about how important it is with proper sleep, and come the following night I don't sleep for shit. What are the odds? Or maybe more so the irony. I haven't eaten breakfast yet though, and I haven't taken my lunch walk either, and I hope to take at least a quick nap somewhere around the middle of the day... but I'm hella tired. Hope to still swoop through dues, but if I don't make it at least I have an excuse. Long as I don't rest so much during the day I can't sleep tonight, work tomorrow...


Ah, disappointed again! And I blame sleep. I didn't sleep enough, I woke up too early, and you know how those days go don't yo. You just can't seem to focus on things that are essential, and easily get emotionally turbulent on the most mediocre disturbances in your everyday day... I don't know what to write, I don't know what to say, the skies are cloudy and the clouds are gray, but I've done my work and I'm on my way... towards greater pastures. Hopefully not maybe paved. That's all I've got I'll save. Whatever else there is for later.


It's just one thing after the other these days! I shan't let it faze me too much, but today it's a headache. Seems it might get blasting if it's a lasting one. I took a walk in a winter wonderland and the holes in my shoes were freezing my toes, but I thought that might actually HELP with the headache. maybe move the blood from my head down to my feet. It didn't, it appears, it just aggravated it. I thought I knew how my body worked - at least some parts of it - but I guess I'm still a mystery.


Finally did the due I had to do yesterday, and today I'm so relieved. :) It took a while. It didn't hit instantly. Seems I had to have a night's sleep first, but though I didn't sleep as long as I usually do I woke up feeling refreshed and ready, and am tackling the today like I seldom do! A buddy called too. Spoke a bit. Feels like good things are going on in the world. I'm plowing through stuff right now and feeling hopeful, and the sun shone fiercely on our winter walk before lunch. Might've even caught some color.


Went to a little party today! Seventy y/o B-Day gig with fish soup servings and shrimp, and cake, and cloudberry almond baskets baked by relative relative Anki. I mean she IS a relative, and it was great. We played a game where you shoot small wooden hoops on a square board suitably called Corona (the more proper name is apparently Couronne, or Novuss, or by origin Carrom), talked about ditto and had a good time. I won five rounds straights. Onto card games. Won a few there too. Seems luck's on my side at least with this! Now how about life.


I get a little flash of angst at the end of every weekend lately. Maybe because I'm doing the wrong things. Maybe because time's just flying by at an uncompromising pace. Or maybe because my bodily balance is just still out of whack after the covid and I'm constantly sluggish and slow and not in the right mind all the time. Who knows. Even though I work just part time the prospect of getting back to work is somehow daunting, but it's really just because I don't use the weekends as well as I'd like to. I don't feel rested...


The electrical problems with my car are BACK! It might be something humidity-related. Snow comes and goes, it rains and it snows, and then it starts melting. But it's a little disparaging (tried to find a suitable word for a combination of depressing/disappointing/frustrating - this is what I settled on). Would've been so nice if it was an easy fix, but it seems more so that the problems with the car may amount further. Maybe the problems are all related though. Maybe it's a simple fix. Hope all does get fixed, all but the air conditioning, never mind that.


I know there's probably a leak in the silencer too, and since I seem to be having to empty the coolant tank of extra air more often lately I've been wondering if the exhaust could be somehow getting into that. It seems like I maybe have more coolant than I should have - could that be a problem? Just the valve that's not working like it's supposed to? That's basically it. Coolant pressure problem, exhaust leak and now this strange electrical thing for which the only temporary solution seems to be unplug the battery between drives. Cars man. Lemma tell ya...


Hey hey, new day today! Still go my car troubles, still catching up on things, still got loads of reviews and other dues in queue... but it is alright. I'm not always happy with my day job but today it feels good. Have some dues that are very no-nonsense. I just do them, and they get done, and it doesn't seem like it'll take too long either, and at the moment it feels good to have a bit more such stuff on the tray. Things you don't need to think so much about. No worries, just work. Let's do it.


I'm up a bit earlier than usual today. Apparently the computer hadn't shut down like it was supposed to last night, so my mom woke me up in the morning, asking if she should shut it down then. I figured I might as well get up and get some work done instead, so here I am now, with burning eyes yet a mind of ambition. I feel good about this though. I'll have to be up around the same time tomorrow - have a lecture then - so I shall see this as warm-up for the main day. Maybe I'll fall asleep a little earlier too.


I wrote a rhyme entry today, but it didn't save! I'm pretty sure I did hit the buttons all the way, so what happened there, did the site suffer some kind of downtime? Had to resort to a backup that was just slightly older than my post? Did my Internet connection give up on me? Did the browser mess up? Did the request not go through as it was supposed to? Not that it takes all that long to write a hundred words; not that it's that great a loss, but I don't like losing anything. This won't be on par with the first one.


Headache day again mate! What the friggin' hell. It was goin' so well. This weeks been a blast but it just went too fast, now I'm sitting in the chair here wishing there was more air, like in a big foyer. For years I've written like I was smitten by the great Grinch. Bitter like a Pikmin getting revenge on the sick men. Who come in there and stomp them. Their village like it's Compton. Be gangsta say you want some?! I want none of the wanton. Want good things only you folks just keep on eating noodles. I'll run.


Getting a little stressed again. Catching up with the JB Smooth podcast while doing some early morning dues today, but it's Sunday and I should feel like I have the whole day free. Ate a box of chocolates yesterday though and that's not helping. I need to get in shape. About to get out on the daily lunch walk in a while, which is great, but I'm also tired of these routines. It's the same time every day. And the same walkways. Would like to change things up a bit. Also thought I'd written an entry for the 28th but apparently I hadn't, maybe it didn't save...


Had a confrontation with the boss today. *sigh* A reminder that I actually work at an establishment like any other, and such things do occur, no matter how good a relation you might have otherwise. It isn't limited to just 'work' either. I feel like tension levels are rising there though, and it's no fun to be in such an environment. Was I at fault? Was he? We both were probably, but I did say sorry and he did not, and though we worked it out - somewhat - I'll probably be processing this for a bit. What a way to end the month.

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