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NG Reviewing

Hello there! As the expert in review writing as I am I will here teach you the secrets on mastering the reviewing art at I will give you important tips and info that will make reviewing a joy that you can spend countless hours doing everyday! Here we go. First of all, I'll show you a simple example of how NOT to write a review, it's taken from one of my flash submissions :

Title :
Comment :
This is not a gif. host site. Don't subit things like this again, this must have taken you about 6 seconds to make.

So why is this review bad? It contains six factors that no review should contain.

1.) States the obvious : "This is not a gif. host site" If someone is submitting a swf file to a community such as Newgrounds, they probably know this already. Therefore this statement is completely unnecessary.

2.) It has nothing to do with the submission. What do gif. hosting sites have to do with any specific flash animation? That's like going to the Zoo, seeing a monkey eating a banana and saying "I'm Hungry". Sure, these two items are related since the Banana is a form of food, the monkey a prequel to the humans in the evolutionary line and seeing a species consume foodstuff to satisfy their internal urges makes people hungry, unless these people have eaten already and are satisfied. Everything's related, but only directly related items should be included in a review.

3.) The . goes on the left side of the gif extension, not the right. Does the reviewer even know what GIF stands for? Does the reviewer know the definition of the abbreviation GIF? Probably not. The third point is: Don't make false statements or write about items that you know nothing about.

4.) Spelling. "Don't subit things like this again" is a line with only one spelling mistake in it, and it still gives the impression of utmost unproffesionality. Reviews are short pieces of literature, you have to be a grammar nazi to battle your opponents. In the case that you don't like a submission, then the opponent is the submitter.

5.) Demands. Lets go back to the previous quote : "Don't subit things like this again". Why not write demands? Well, for starters, the authors ( most of them, at least ) are humans, have emotions, an ego, and do not like being ordered to do things by insolent fools who break the 6 grand laws of reviewing. So, instead of writing "Get the FUCK OFF NEWGROUNDS", you should write "Please, get the FUCK OFF NEWGROUNDS". Also, tell them why they should get off newgrounds, backing up your statements is important. Don't break rule NR1 and say "because you suck", but be creative instead. Tell them why they suck. Give them criticism that will help them improve and let them NOT suck in the future. Try to be as kind as possible, flaming won't get you anywhere, and the more insulting you are, the less insulted your opponent will be. Instead he will get angry and flame you back, and what good does that do? Nothing. He should either be sad, leave newgrounds, or try harder next time. This i kindergarten grade psychology, which most NG users don't seem to understand. Ok then, on to point 6.

6.) Don't make false assumptions! Here's the quote from the review above - "this must have taken you about 6 seconds to make". To skip this misjudgment, don't guess the times of anything. Instead use sentences like "This probably didn't take much effort", the probably showing the submitter that you aren't sure, it's just a guess. If you write it like that it's all good.

Those are all the faults in the review, so here are a few more tips you should think about when reviewing :

7.) Review all the different aspects of the submission. Don't say things like "The Sound sucks" and leave it at that. Point out that sound isn't that good, but also comment on the animation, the graphics, the plot, the humor, the originality, the concept, etc. This also tends to make your reviews long, and your reviews should be long. They shouldn't be filled with useless information that break the rules 1-6 though, better a short and informative review than a long and pointless one, but better a long and informative review than a short and informative one.

8.) Be kind. Flaming may get out all your anger and frustration, but the submitter won't like it. He won't take your feedback seriously. Also, there's a big chance your review will get marked as abusive, and we never want to get our hard work deleted, do we.

9.) Be constructive or positive. This point should be pretty logical. Reviews are meant to deliver some kind of feedback to the submission author. Either you're positive, and tell the user how much you like the submission ( makes them happy ) or you're negative but still tell the user what could be improved/done differently. Better yet, be both constructive and positive.

10.) Leave a signature. Everything great has to have a brand of some kind. When it comes to reviews, the simplest method of branding them is adding a signature at the bottom. This makes your reviews special, and above all it makes the reviews look longer. Also, try to keep it as simple as possible so it will save you writing time.

Penguin March

The penguins are marching for climate control! Shut Down.

Penguin March

The Stat Game

How many blogposts do you think I'll have written before the end of 2008? The current statistics can be seen on the stats page. Send me your guess using the contact form. Anyone who guesses right will get a free T-Shirt!! No catches. Remember to include your email alternativly adress so I can contact you if you win. Oh, you have to send me your guess BEFORE Dec 10. I won't check my cyberdb emails until Jan 1, so the competition will be fair. Good luck!

GTA 4 Box Art

The GTA 4 box art is finally out! Is it just me or is this whole GTA 4 thing getting a bit over-mentioned? When the whole thing comes out people will probably be disappointed over it after all the great hype it's been getting. They should bring less attention to it and then *BOOM* release it and everyone will just gasp and stare in aw. Anyhow, I never knew the box art was painted on a gigantic canvas like this. It's pretty amazing...

Gta 4 Box Art

I'm Unique

That's right, there's no one else in the great big USA like me, they don't even have the same name as I do. ^_^

I'm Unique

Resident Evil 4

I made it through the game in two days, normal difficulty. It was fun! Twas one of the greatest games I've played in a long time. The levels were varied, the monsters were varied, there were quite a few puzzles and the plot is unequelled. I never thought much about the game music, but it must have been good since I didn't notice it. In difference from the three previous games theres a mystery shop all through the game, and the owner also takes care of a humorous shooting range in which you get to blow wooden zombie figures in pieces and earn yourself some money. Money, gold and other valuable items can be found all through the game and sold/exchanged for new weapons, upgrades, etc. It adds a new dimension of strategy to the game, and a lot of extra fun.

The biggest difference between this game and the previous ones, though, is that this one doesn't have anything to do with Umbrella. Well, not much, only an Umbrella agent sent in to infiltrate the same mysterious cult you, Leon, are trying to save the presidents daughter, Ashley, from. This agent happens to be no other than Ada ( remember previous games? ). You don't choot zombies in this game either, you shoot normal humans infected by a certain parasite and various experimental creations. The game isn't quite as scary as its precedents, but it's a great waste of time. Not many games can be played for two days straight without boredom arising. This is truly one of the best! If you like adventure, mystery, action and violence, then this is a must for you. So when is Resident Evil 5 coming out? I can't wait.

I've always liked the Resident Evil games, ever since I came across the first one 5 years ago. Never finished it though. I've started playing it a couple of times, but abandoned it just as quickly. I got Resident Evil 3 from a friend of mine even before I got the first one, but I didn't have a computer then, so what good was that? And the CD doesn't seem to work on the computer I have now. Anyhow, about two years ago I got Resident Evil 1 to 3 for my playstation, and played through the 2nd and 3rd games in a week. Just a few days ago I almost completed the first game, but the CD couldn't stand the pressure anymore and now I can't move up the main stairs or through two certain doors in the mansion without the game freezing. So I had to abandon the game ( I reached the part where you find the Battery and go back to the elevator, but I can't open the door to the Gardens, lmao. )

Anyhow, here are my finishing stats. As usual a few extras are thrown in after game completions. One of them being The Mercenaries, a minigame previously seen in the two recent prequels. Then theres 'Separate Ways' and "Assignment Ada", two games featuring the parallel adventure of Umbrellas secret Agent sent in to gather samples of the so called 'Las Plagas' parasite. And then theres a nifty movie viewer where you can see all of the games exiting cut-scenes, from the beginning to the end, that you went through in the game. A new, more professional, game mode is also revealed (much harder, obviously), and you can buy a couple more weapons from the mystery shop.

Btw, if you think my own 'killcount' is way to high (I mean, 1 death per 10 enemies killed, gtfo) it's not the enemies that killed me. It's all due to certain parts of the game where you have to press a certain combination of keys quickly to avoid getting killed instantly by rolling boulders/knifes/lasers/large jagged spikes/monster teeth/etc. It's not the same key combinations and you only have a second to react, so these parts of the game can be pretty aggravating at times and cause multiple deaths one after another. On a completely unrelated note, Resident Evil Extinction sucked. Why do all trilogies have to have to the worst endings? Goodnight. :P

Resident Evil 4 Results

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