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Close To Dreamland

I stayed awake a night, and today my life is like a dream. No I didn't win 100k on Lotto, it's just that due to lack of sleep the day passes by in a fairly unusual and infrequent state of mind. Here comes my analyses of sleepless nights. During most of the night my head is clear as any normal day, maybe a bit tired, during the early morning hours I get very tired. This is the time when I can fall asleep just by closing my eyes. Lying down, sitting down, kneeling, standing up, balancing on one foot, any stance goes. My eyelids feel like strong magnets pulling together, very strong magnets, you have to be very strong yourself to withstand their relative force. Anyhow, once these early morning hours have passed the tiredness just flies away, I've never been as full of energy and clarity as when the sun slowly starts rising and I sit down by the kitchen table to enjoy my breakfast. The morning walk is a bit staggering, with slushy speech and some clumsy footsteps, but it's alright, the sun gives me some more energy but the cold makes my eyes a bit red and weary. Then I come home, just a little tired, not as alert as I would have been if I had slept a normal eight hours, but still not mentally disarranged or incapable of thinking clearly. Most of the day passes like this, and then comes night.

I suppose I should go to bed at 17 or so when my mind starts giving strange signals and my eyes fluttering around like butterflies. At times I rarely know what I'm doing, what am I doing? Writing? I focus and it comes back to me, but then it once more feels like I'm drifting away, moments I don't notice. I should probably sleep at this time, but I keep going for a few hours more until the regular sleeping hours. Work until then has been just a tiny bit slower than usual, most phrases and typmenets go on reflex, but more mistakes are made, head swiftly bobbing from side to side, ununderstanding, at times pulling itself up to get real. Nothing feels real, it feels like a dream, sometimes I wonder if it is a dream. I type strange, see as good as always but not with the regular focus or position, lots of accidental typos, I could fall asleep right now, just close my eyes and lean back. Not a good idea with this candle burning in front of me though, and here we are, cant really end this, my writings disappear. There is something in the air. All this seems so vivid and unreal, and I forget it as quickly as I type it. Then I get up and go to the bathroom, my head clears, wash my hands, water in my hair, everything is fresh and focused again, but after just ten minutes back by the screens everything starts drifting away. I don't think I'd be able to stay awake more than one extra day, and the record is, what was it now, forty? Impossible...

For the note, this yesterday I wrote, just posting it today. I slept for a good seven hours if you'd like to know, went to bed right after this funky movie at two, woke up ten, I still feel a little tired again, a dormant headache in my skull, but the weather is clear, the day aint so dull, think I'll go to bed a bit earlier today. :)

#2 Rivers Run Rivers Free

Time is as endless as a river
But in rivers there are dams
Dams they block the river
And send shivers down a mans


I love the freedom rivers see
That they symbolize for you and me
Still people chose to act as such
And dam these rivers all too much

Damn them!

They stop the rivers endless flow
The make the world so gray and cold
I call them ogres, demons trolls
The people who freedom provokes

And I

I sit and stare up at the open sky
At the small birds that up there fly
And I think about how it would be
If they condammed the air too!

For you and me

I wouldn't like it
No not one bit!
So I've been thinking
This is it!


Please go out and blow them dams away
And let the rivers flow like they're supposed to
Maybe then the world will be a bit less cold and gray
And we could live the lives as we all chose to


Four Chans
The Original
The Archive
The Unknown
The Collection

#1 The Fumes Of January Rise

The new year it has begun
And a new day with clear sky and sun
As I watch the dim horizon rise
I let the silence flee my eyes

Our new year it has just arrived
One more mountain we have survived
All the routinous roads we travel
Concrete, Cement, Asphalt, Gravel

This year I feel the winds of new
I feel like singing different tunes
This year I breath the suddle fumes
Artificial gunpowder replacements

Still I have never smelled the truth
Therefore it is to me no use
To tell the different or complain
Without a title has no name

Grand 2009


And then it appeared! Bam! And then it was there! Buff! And now for some mildly poetical stuff and partly party:

The new year appeared
Have a tear in my eye
Hey the new year is here
Let us fly to the sky

Where the fire flowers bloom
And the dust floats around
And it falls until morning
And it falls to the ground

There's a stench in the air
Far away yet so near
I think I like it
And the sky no more clear

It looks just like before
But I know there is more
I know that something is different
The new year is here for

My 19th time! Finally, Happy New Year! In all hopes that it will be the best one yet, one we will most definitely never forget, and treasure for the rest of our leisurable lifes! ;)


I had goals last year, and my visions never decrease. Here's what I believe I can achieve, hope, and want to do. Challenges I've set for me:

  • Stop hesitating
  • Stay in good shape
  • Write one poem for each day of the year
  • Reach 20,000 Posts/Reviews at NG
  • Earn at least twice as much money on my websites as I spend on them
  • Save up 100K SEK

May they all come true like good dreams do, a second salute rises here!


Time to invision my visions for the years, for all to view and hear, at least all those whom are here. ;) I think the new year will be: normal, different, disappointing, regretful, routined, opportunistic, warmer in summer, colder in winter, freer, poorer in resources, richer in knowledge, more organized and with a balanced generally slower but totally much more efficient working flow. All hopes to the new year, a third salute!


I didn't get my exiting zombie novel published in time for Christmas, but who cares, there's always a next year! And for those who DO want to buy my stuff, I have, for this grand occasion, opened up my very own web shop, featuring clothing, handmade originalities & of course, lots o literate masterpieces (all that will be up, sometime, this January)! As you know, I haven't published any books yet, but there are currently two that you can already pre-order as I type them onto my PC and fix the amazingly large amount of unfactual data, garbage grammar and typographical typos. Go go go, shopping!! Or at least take a look at what I'm selling, pretty please? And to everyone, Happy new year, for the 4th time!


Last year I posted weekly summarizations of my life, this year I'll try something different, monthly projects, each with a specific theme. I start out with JukeBox January, a month in which I will be submitting at one jukebox, in flash, featuring artists from the New Grounds AP to the New Grounds FP, every day! I was planning to call this month Jackshit January, since this whole event might be just as useless as an empty box of cookies, but since there are two more months starting with J I decided to save the word. Who knows, I might need it. :) I have ideas for all eleven remaining months too, but I'll hold on to them for a while, some may not make it, and my plans will definitely change with change. You can keep an eye on the flashes that arrive on my NG page, or on the newly opened up JB (stands of JukeBox) section on CDB! Happy new year, for the 5th time!


I don't always wake up with visions, or inspiration flowing fresh in rivers as I dress, but I did decide that despite this B side, I would write one poem for each day of this new year! Poetry without specified length or genre, all to be put inside a book when 2009 is over. You can pre-order it already, if you like, and the poems will be posted daily to this new public blog opened up exclusively for "Project 2009". Some poems will be better than others, some days as well, but regardless of how much of a masterpiece (or not) this work turns out to be in the end, it will be different challenge to work on. :) Happy new year, for the 6th time!

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