Close To Dreamland
I stayed awake a night, and today my life is like a dream. No I didn't win 100k on Lotto, it's just that due to lack of sleep the day passes by in a fairly unusual and infrequent state of mind. Here comes my analyses of sleepless nights. During most of the night my head is clear as any normal day, maybe a bit tired, during the early morning hours I get very tired. This is the time when I can fall asleep just by closing my eyes. Lying down, sitting down, kneeling, standing up, balancing on one foot, any stance goes. My eyelids feel like strong magnets pulling together, very strong magnets, you have to be very strong yourself to withstand their relative force. Anyhow, once these early morning hours have passed the tiredness just flies away, I've never been as full of energy and clarity as when the sun slowly starts rising and I sit down by the kitchen table to enjoy my breakfast. The morning walk is a bit staggering, with slushy speech and some clumsy footsteps, but it's alright, the sun gives me some more energy but the cold makes my eyes a bit red and weary. Then I come home, just a little tired, not as alert as I would have been if I had slept a normal eight hours, but still not mentally disarranged or incapable of thinking clearly. Most of the day passes like this, and then comes night.
I suppose I should go to bed at 17 or so when my mind starts giving strange signals and my eyes fluttering around like butterflies. At times I rarely know what I'm doing, what am I doing? Writing? I focus and it comes back to me, but then it once more feels like I'm drifting away, moments I don't notice. I should probably sleep at this time, but I keep going for a few hours more until the regular sleeping hours. Work until then has been just a tiny bit slower than usual, most phrases and typmenets go on reflex, but more mistakes are made, head swiftly bobbing from side to side, ununderstanding, at times pulling itself up to get real. Nothing feels real, it feels like a dream, sometimes I wonder if it is a dream. I type strange, see as good as always but not with the regular focus or position, lots of accidental typos, I could fall asleep right now, just close my eyes and lean back. Not a good idea with this candle burning in front of me though, and here we are, cant really end this, my writings disappear. There is something in the air. All this seems so vivid and unreal, and I forget it as quickly as I type it. Then I get up and go to the bathroom, my head clears, wash my hands, water in my hair, everything is fresh and focused again, but after just ten minutes back by the screens everything starts drifting away. I don't think I'd be able to stay awake more than one extra day, and the record is, what was it now, forty? Impossible...
For the note, this yesterday I wrote, just posting it today. I slept for a good seven hours if you'd like to know, went to bed right after this funky movie at two, woke up ten, I still feel a little tired again, a dormant headache in my skull, but the weather is clear, the day aint so dull, think I'll go to bed a bit earlier today. :)