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Ice Age 5 - Collision Course (2016)

Ice Age 5 - Collision Course (2016)

Manny, Diego, and Sid join up with Buck to fend off a meteor strike that would destroy the world.

It would've been great if that really was the plot, but unfortunately everyone else in their respective families get dragged in as well - even Sid's grandma, and family relations are high on the list of priorities - at times higher than plot progression and suspense.

The adventure's fun, but at the same time there's just too many animals involved - and unlike previous movies it lacks a sense of villainy. Even the bad guys here aren't all that bad, and eventually team up with the good guys to make the world a better place. The threat looms high in the sky, but never feels all that dangerous. Has the sense of adventure been outplayed? Is Scrat's venturing off into space on his quest for the One Acorn just a bit too much?

Whereas the original movie - and to some extent also the sequels - felt grounded and truthful, this is just too wacky. It's all about wacky. I'd like to whack the characters on their furry or feathery craniums and tell them to get their shit together and stop goofing around non-stop. That used to be Sid's job, but though he's still his goofy self, a wide repertoire of other goofy character continually (and unintentionally) attempt to outgoof him. If it wasn't already taken, they could've called this:
A Goofy Movie.

It wasn't bad overall, but the poetic jargon, wit, unintentional fuzz and fresh-paced finesse that was so prevalent in the originals is but a specter of the former whole. The animation may be better, but everything else is a farce. Watch it for a good dose of fun, but don't expect anything fancy.

 rated 3/5: not bad

American Pie 3 - American Wedding (2003)

American Pie 3 - American Wedding (2003)

This movie was pretty hilarious! In a crazy, exaggerated Americanized way, but still... I've got to see more of these.

I'm not proud of falling for such crude humor, but it's only human, isn't it? This is who we are. We find both enjoyment and entertainment in our most carnal of instincts, though it's not so much those most carnal-of-instinct jokes as the way the characters keep getting into the most awkward situations whilst attending to those most carnal of instincts that make it so crazily hilarious.

The story? Jim and Michelle are getting married! Stifler gets a crush on Michelle's sister - as does Finch. There's a bachelor party. Preparations don't all go as planned, the ring gets eaten, the flowers wilt, and Jim doesn't make the best first impression on his parents in law - but there's still time to fix it all! It's a big mess, and a ton of fun.

Seann William Scott (the one name I know) & Co put up a great performance, and though it's not humor I'm proud of I pretty much laughed non-stop - even at the disturbing dog poop joke. Simple fun with likable personalities, good pace, plenty of awkwardness and a red line that's easy to follow. If I'd seen the prequels I'd probably conclude with - it's American Pie!

The Who knows, maybe I'll be watching the prequels soon too.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Romance (1999)

Romance (1999)

Although deeply in love with her boyfriend - and indeed sleeping in the same bed with him - a schoolteacher cannot handle the almost complete lack of intimacy he will allow. Increasingly frustrated, she gradually finds her sexual appetites leading her into ever more risky situations, including a developing one with the headmaster.

That about sums it up, though risky is an understatement. The main character explores her desires without a thought as to the repercussions, though it ends well. Sort of. It's all relative.

It was a very sexual film, though also very observational - the narrative often focused on the psychological aspects of each event - told telekinetically via the main character, and often with a foreplay of dialog that delves into the more intimate parts of relationship... or lack there-of. Marie (played by Caroline Ducey) goes through bondage, and rape, and eventually even childbirth, all the while trying to salvage her frustrating relationship.

A few decades ago this would probably have classed as an exploitation movie, but now it comes across as artsy, though the film is often disturbingly graphic - like with the childbirth at the end. Is that what a magical moment looks like? It doesn't feel magical. The vibe of the movie is all but positive, though at least the ending is conclusive.

François Berléand actually had a role in this movie, as well as Rocco Siffredi - both devoted actors within their own field. They do a good job at making this a serious, sexual, yet sad type of story. The title shines with both irony and truth, and goes to show the word isn't necessarily as uplifting as it's hyped up to be.

 rated 3/5: not bad


Like a ghost!
Look out the window and you'll know you're toast!
I make the most of life hold me close, hold me close!
Tell me who I am: tell me but don't boast!
This is all for shows, this all for you, this is all for show:
I gotta call you know I gotta see your cards.
I've been so small I've been living under yards.
I had a terrible dream and I woke up hard -
Live hard and play hard! Go far like gay bars!
Oh lord. Thunder struck me down but didn't strike a chord.
Went to the lost and found but found no lost awards.
Let it blossom like a bottom popping warts - what is not to see?
See the dream until you need lobotomy.

But you don't need to feel a need to scream...
You don't need to see those demons, what you feel you mean?
You don't need to say your wills or testimonies till you die!
Still our world's alive and so am I.

Still the world's alive until it dies.
And if we're still alive, it's goodbye.

But if we all go down the drain, or fly around in outer space,
And flaunt about with our race, and seek to taste not death's embrace,
But something only Gods could claim: eternal life! The Doc's to blame...
Then I guess the world's OK. If we saved us, then so can they,

And then the world's alive and it's alright.
And now the future shines defiant bright.

Suicide Squad (2016)

Suicide Squad (2016)

I've been hoping to see this one for a long time now, and finally I did! It was better than I expected, though at the same time not. Some scenes felt clumsy and imperfect, and Deadshot (Will Smith yeah!) not at all as crazy and savage as his Marvel-movie counterpart Deadpool - but then again the messy parts here are what made it feel real. Messy as in unexpected and authentic - Deadpool had a different kind of messy. It feels gritty like a Suicide Squad should feel, and though it ends a bit oddly - with everyone locked into their cells once again, it seems that may not be the case forever...

The whole group are an interesting bunch of personalities, and Harley Quinn in particular shines with her lovable kind of crazy. She's not unkind, really - no matter what she says or does. She's one of a kind. And though everyone on the team is supposed to be a bad guy (or girl), none of them seem that bad. Apart from maybe that one girl who deserts the team.

In time Deadshot turns into the frontman; the real hero, and it was cool to see that one guy with the full-body skeleton tattoo make an appearance as a short-lived villain as well, with supercool powers. The powers: they're all really pretty cool! The Witch has a pretty stereotypical look, but her brother was a new appearance, and their turning the tide on all of humanity was an unexpected twist of fate.

The whole plot's a bit random like that. A bit chaotic. A bit crazy... but in a good way.

It's also interesting how they call people with superpowers meta-humans here, rather than mutants (as they do in the Marvel world). It feels like a thin line between this and the X-Man franchise, though they are two competing brands after all, so it'd be natural they try to outshine the other with similar force. Their worlds feel so similar I sometimes forget to tell them apart, but they all have their own characteristics, not least: DC always ends up feeling darker somehow. Which in this case is a bit strange considering the term meta-humans has a much more positive connotation than 'mutant'.

I thought this was the movie where Harley and Deadpool fell in love btw, but apparently that's an impossible romance - one that'd have to break through the divide of competing megabrands to ever become a reality. It was the theme for a recent art contest that's been all up in the news on NG, so it appears I was tricked by fan fiction! :/

Oh well. They would've made a perfect duo, but then again Deadpool already has a crazy love in his life so that's alright.

Either way this was a great watch, and I'm looking forward to the sequel(s). With a cast like this surely there's more to come.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle


The Shallows (2016)

The Shallows (2016)

Here's an unnaturally bright and exotic thriller, taking place on an isolated cove - sandy and beautiful . Paradise.

Despite the beauty of the surrounding scenery, and the initial sense of calm and safety, they convey the coming isolation well, as well as the danger with the waves, and reefs, and whatever else may be lurking deep down under that shimmering turquoise water surface.

They make not so much a horror story of it as a real psychological thriller, and it's beautifully filmed - especially with the surf and jellyfish. It's colorful and tropical, but with serious moments too. The element of horror? A shark, but though it seemed to start out with the potential to become like Jaws, it became something else entirely.

The tame seagull was a fun and feelgood addition - so frail and unselfish, the victim a human could ever be. It's an interesting contrast, and feels like a necessary complement to a main character that sometimes seems almost too strong and stubborn. They share their rock well, and in a way they help each other; fuel each other to survive.

The blood's realistic, as is the wound treatment, and of course there's plenty of skin - that one thing they can't seem to avoid in a scary movie. In a scenario such as this it feels natuiral though, and looks good.

Overall it was good. A new wave of horror, and with a good ending. A bit much social media interference in the beginning, but they integrated that part nicely too, and in the end it's the tech that proves to be either her salvation... or her doom. Great movie.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

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