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The Hunted (1995)

The Hunted (1995)

Christopher Lambert is a name you don't see all that much nowadays, but in his heyday he was all over the place! And he looks a bit like Chris Cornell too, come to think of it...

This movie's like a homage to all things Japanese. Old and new. The art of the sword, love, and bullet trains. Honor. Loyalty. Courage. It's the one American take on the whole phenomena of Asian culture in this era that I've seen that doesn't manage to mess it up, but actually brings in the American element to the Asian scene with humility. There's really no other way to do it properly.

That humble element in this case is Paul (Christopher Lambert), who on a business trip in Japan runs into Kirina (Joan Chen), who is killed, and he just so happens to see the face of her killer: a face belonging to the leader of a secret cult of Ninja: the Makoto.

He soon gets dragged into a century old blood feud between the Makoto and Takeda clans, and learns a bit about the sword on the way.

It might sound generic, but it introduces each element in the best way, and with actors such as John Lone and Yoshio Harada on the Japanese side there's no lack of great talent, neither in English nor in sword. They don't force the English though. Yoshio Harada gets plenty of speak-time in his native tongue, which makes for an unusually proper introduction.

It's bloody, it's stubborn and it's beautiful. It's a successful Japanese/American hybrid of the nineties, a real rarity, a bit like The Last Samurai... but not really. This was better. Japanese scenery. History. Violence. Love. Loyalty. Honor. Arrogance. It has every element it needs to properly bring a Westerner into the Eastern world, and I'm surprised I hadn't even heard of it before. Great watch.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Blown Away (1994)

Blown Away (1994)

Could this have been the movie that inspired Speed? When the car chase came up at the end that thought came along with it, and apart from the explosive theme there are definitely some similarities.

In some ways it's almost better. They make the bombs look real, and with such characters as Jeff Bridges, Forest Whitaker and Tommy Lee Jones in the main cast you know it's going to be a big bang. Greatness in the making.

The story's this: An Irish bomber escapes from prison and targets a member of the Boston bomb squad. It's as simple a premise for an action movie you can get, but it's done well! With fiery explosions, tricks, traps, tension and turmoil amidst the intrigue. The characters carry the story, and you never get a chance to really relax, even if the pace isn't always noticeably hectic. It's a story that keeps you involved, and on edge, just waiting for the next thing. Plenty of emotion too. Thriller action.

I've never really understood why Tommy Lee Jones is such a renowned actor when he always seems the same to me no matter which movie he plays - he doesn't have the most convincing Irish accent either, but on the other hand I do like that particular personality of his, and most of the best actors seem to in some ways always be themselves... right? Well maybe not all, but he's one of those that do. One of the ones that live off their charisma and enthusiasm rather than their anonymity and versatility for different roles.

Conclusively? A solid action movie, without considerable depth, but otherwise all ingredients you'll need to have a real ball. A blast. It's the bomb. High-octane action. Fire in the whole movie.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Larceny (2017)

Larceny (2017)

Ain't that a fancy word for thievery?

It could've been a better movie though. Acceptance. Dignity. It had the right ingredients, and a good enough script, and Dolph Lundgren, but the fighting choreography was terrible, and the acting, and dialog... well it could've been better. They hyped up the assassins so much too, and then kill the vibe entirely, but in the end it was just... half bad.

It's a story about stealing a bunch of money from a Mexican drug lord, with a few surprises, but also quite a few disappointments. Sometimes the filming's great but sometimes not. The gunfire looked good, the dodging looked bad. Some characters seemed strong, others weren't all in it. It started alright, it ended better, and though it had it's moments it's all in all a definite B-movie.

The plot's cliche, but the script's OK, it's the acting and action that disappoints. Though they have all the potential to really build the atmosphere they never really manage.

It's not Lundgren at his best, but worth a watch if you're a fan.

 rated 2/5: decent

626 Evolution (2017)

626 Evolution (2017)

This movie was a bit like the recently reviewed Zombies Have Fallen, though much better! The story similarly focuses on a teenage girl who shares her superhuman abilities, though they add in some parkour, and fighting, and although it's all riddled with a somewhat annoying childish narrative - making fun of characters and events as they go, it had pretty damn good choreography and acting!

You can see it's on a budget, but they manage not just authentic sceneries and characters, but effects too. They're not fantastic, but they work. The story's intriguing. It makes sense. The filming's creative and, albeit unbalanced, sometimes also surprisingly good.

It's a conspiracy movie with a bit of sci-fi and superpowers, and a decent dose of action. This is mostly thanks to Danielle Chuchran - the secondary main character, though she often seems to take over the role entirely. She can fight! She can be serious! With so many female actors who get into bigger movies just because of their looks, she feels ill-fitted in a budget movie like this with her versatility and skill (and looks too).

I hope to see more of her in the future, and I'm glad I stumbled upon this somewhat unknown a gem of sci-fi and action. Good watch.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Zombies Have Fallen (2017)

Zombies Have Fallen (2017)

B-movie. Really. Missing bullet holes. Crappy special effects (why even have special effects if you can't do them right?). Stiff dialog. Decent choreography, but nothing as special as the cover, name or plot description implies... and the episodes of telekinesis were probably the most disappointing parts.

It's about as nonsensical a title as the movie itself too, considering zombies are but a minor part of the plot, and zombies have fallen? What? Are they trying to imply that though zombies have fallen in the past, they won't fall in this movie? Is it a subtle hint, or is it as random as it seems - just an attempt to be fun? Maybe it's an attempt to give people a nonsensical first impression of the movie so they won't mind the nonsensical plot progression? Is there a bigger motive, other than an intention to play on the Olympus and London Has Fallen blockbuster titles to get a bit extra recognition and confused viewers who thought this was one of the aforementioned two, potentially combining this with one other popular monster keyword (Zombie) for maximum popularity?

I hate to break it to you but this is not the right way to appeal to viewers. It's not SEO, it's a movie title. A good movie needs a good title, but, yeah, if the movie was good maybe I wouldn't be complaining about petty things like what it's called... some of the best movies actually have totally nonsensical labels. So maybe that was the idea: give a titillating impression of artistic freedom and greatness even before you start. Unfortunately it didn't work that well.

The script's OK but... it jumps. The acting quality's uneven: even if a select few might have done it right they get dragged down by the surrounding cast, and Heath Hampson is really the only one who plays his role decently, though maybe I get that impression more because he looks like someone else who's been in a bundle of better roles. The psychic main-character Kyra, played by Tansy Parkinson, was alright too, but it feels their potential is just lost in this film.

The surprise crowd of children acting like zombies were a definite low, even if it was a bit charming. They do their best. Even for a low-budget film I feel the adults could've done so much more though. They could have started with the script. And title.

 rated 1/5: shit shit shit

Strip Club Massacre (2017)

Strip Club Massacre (2017)

Here's a crappy exploitation-style B-movie with decent gore effects in the same vain as I Spit on Your Corpse, I Piss on Your Grave and other splatterhouse flicks. It doesn't come close to the classics though, it doesn't have any additional merit in shock value or creative twist, and I wonder why they keep making films like this with the same kind of content.

There's not much more to say. The acting's alright, but the story, motive, surprises... there is/are none. It's the kind of movie you'd see just for the exploitation, but not even that's all that good.

Cheap tricks. Subtle censorship as to make it seem 'real' by simply obscuring the action, and zooming in on fake blood and other peripherals surrounding it. You get to see as little of the girls as you do of the gore. Disregarding unenthusiastic directing and acting: it just doesn't have the edge the old movies did.

 rated 1/5: shit shit shit

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