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Weekend Warriors (1986)

Weekend Warriors (1986)

In the same vein as Naked Gun, or Police School, here's a quick uplifting eighties action comedy starring a team of totally unfit military outcasts straight out of Hollywood - actors, journalists and studio personnel, all joining the military to earn a quick buck since the acting biz is on an unfortunate low... but suddenly they're about to go into active duty, and an inspection with the Romanian Ambassador awaits!

It's not as serious as it sounds though. There's some cocky humor. There's music. There's showbiz. Compared to the titles I just compared it to it's somewhat simple and ordinary, with comedy that's fun to watch but rarely makes you laugh, but the camera angles are occasionally creative and lively, and the slapstick and sex humor does lift you up. There are some stunts. There's some song. It's not that elaborate but it's not bad after all.

Oh and it does have Lloyd Bridges (albeit in a not very major role), so you know it can't be all bad. I read a review on the IMDB page by a guy who had a small role in the film, and this little insight seems to explain my impressions pretty well: The story wasn't fantastic but Burt Convey kept to a simple premise. "Just have fun with it!" In the end, we did and I think the vibe came across in the final product.

That it does! Good watch.

 rated 3/5: not bad

The Human Centipede 3 (2015)

The Human Centipede 3 (2015)

A third Human Centipede? How far can they can really take this!

The German (it's Dieter Laser again) plays a mad prison warden in this one, intent on devising new torture devices and thus methods of criminal correction. He's low on financing, at the risk of getting fired, and both desperate but also overwhelmingly insane when one day a movie director with a poop fetish comes with a 100% medically accurate solution.

Of course they jump right on it.

It shocks, again. Especially the ball scene. But who can really take this seriously? Although the violence is always prevalent, the blood flows, and you never know what twisted impulses the warden gets next, he's just so outside his boundaries that the setting's almost more unreal than it is disturbing. Maybe the sunshine plays a part too, because unlike the previous two there's plenty of that element here. It's a deceptive, but nevertheless brightly shining shine.

No doubt that's a motive with this movie too. It's different from its predecessors, even with the re-occurring theme, and that said I guess they all are. Each one - though the first and two were somewhat related - present the Human Centipede in a very different way.

This time it's with a very misleading cover image, but I chose this over the other since that one's a major spoiler and this one does look better. It's misleading because - compared to the previous - there aren't many female participants here, just the one as a 'gender experiment', and that's kinda disappointing isn't it, even if it is different, and distances this from the common stigma that movies like this have mainly to do with female exploitation. There's exploitation of all sorts here, for all genders and races. One big step for exploitation movie equality!

Speaking of differences: it's almost like they tried to make this one a comedy, but... it doesn't really work, does it? It's a mixture of morbid and gruesome and veiled and considerate. Gruesome and fun? That works. Uncomfortable and gruesome and fun? That doesn't! They did get in a set of notable actors with this one though, such as Bree Olson, Eric Roberts, Tommy 'Tiny' Lister and that one guy covered in tattoos. Wasn't expecting to recognize so many faces.

Akihiro Kitamura from the first movie makes a short appearance as well, Laurence R. Harvey from the second is back in a prominent but less of a leading role, and even Tom Six (the director) makes a small appearance as a director in the movie: the one who gives the warden this mad idea.

It's an interesting mix. It's an entertaining - and shocking - plot progression. The quality definitely jumped a step since the former, the actors aren't bad, and the gore looks authentic as ever. Dieter Laser once again goes beyond expectations into his role, though I miss his more 'contained' insanity, as it was in the first.

What's to complain about though? Once more it's a captivating film, taking this grotesque idea to new places with each segment of the franchise, but now that it's over: I hope they leave it at this.

 rated 3/5: not bad

The Human Centipede 2 (2011)

The Human Centipede 2 (2011)

I didn't know the Human Centipede was more than one movie, but now that I know I guess I'll have to watch this one as well.

This time it's in black and white, the centipede expands a few people in length, and the main character is, instead of a professional doctor, a disturbed loner who - inspired by the former - seeks to realize this macabre fantasy once again. How much further can this really go?

It's brutal, gory, and disturbing. There's more nudity. More mutilation. More death. There's more of everything, except maybe color, professionalism, and scenery (most of it takes place in a very gray-looking warehouse), and dialog.

There are also characters whose appearances almost border on comedy, with the very unhelpful psychologist, and the main character's overly aggressive and pain-receptive mother. In a way they remind of horror movies of old, where the acting wasn't as serious, but at the same time they break the otherwise so very dark setting. Laurence R. Harvey shines in his main role though, or rather: revolts, and his victims as well.

Once again it's a twisted, sad, and very meaningless story, with a much darker tone than the former. And it's not just the black and white. As far as exploitation goes this is definitely light years ahead of the former, and yet it feels all the more meaningless as a result. Once again it's a movie you can't stop watching, suckered in by shock content, uncomfortable as it often is, and in the end I'm not sure what to rate it... maybe I should do as that one renowned critic did with the first, and give it no rating at all, saying that it stands in a world of it's own (paraphrased). Grotesque, yet captivating, and impressively far away from conventional limitations.

 rated 3/5: not bad

The Human Centipede (2009)

The Human Centipede (2009)

No doubt you've at least heard of this one? The incredibly disturbing. The highly unethical. The one before which many of the prospects walked out of the audition room in disgust. The 100% medicinally accurate (so they say because the director, Tom Six, conferred with a surgeon before the movie).

It starts somewhat typical: a couple of girls are out driving, in the woods, in Germany, and their car breaks down. They end up in a German's house, and though he seems kind of strange, both arrogant and introverted, he still seems alright... until he sedates them, catches them when they try to escape, and make them (together with a Japanese guy) a part of his macabre experiment: sowing them together, mouth to anus, to create an obedient and self-feeding pet.

The doctor doesn't like humans, has bizarre paintings on his walls (the one of the twins is painted by the director no less), a clean house, and goes about the experiment with a sense of professionalism that - morbid as the movie is - does impress.

The filming's great. The actors too. The doctor (played by Dieter Laser) in particular gives a scary impression. Because he's out of his mind, or because he isn't? It's an uncomfortable, and unconventional horror movie of the sort, with such an uncomfortable scenario presented in - at least when it begins - such a clean and clinical way. Not one you enjoy watching but... it's hard to stop. Shock? A bit. Discomfort? A lot.

Though it's well-made it does lack some form of decisiveness, and takes the exploitation factor to an almost unappreciatably clean level, and I think that's where the score falters. At the end you wonder what you really watched this for. Why? I'm almost ashamed; instantly reminded of Movie Madness (2016).

Can't undervalue the production quality though, low budget as it is. Props on really going where nobody dared go before: Tom Six.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Movie Madness (2016)

Movie Madness (2016)

This all amounts to nothing.

Yupp, that's about it. It's a movie without mission. A movie without point. For a long time that's how it felt, and I was wondering if that one guy wouldn't get interviewed at the hospital, everything fall in place and the happy ending come running... but then it took an unexpected turn.

Now that it's made clear what it's all about I realize they did it well. But would I have watched it if I knew? And would the message have come across if I didn't? Victims of a myriad of different school shootings all coming together in this one, meaningful, macabre dash of random violence... that was unexpected. That made you think.

Everything leading up to that however: not so good. Not the acting nor the special effects. Not the pace. Not the script. Considering the actors were all grouped up in such a special way I should give props, because they managed something special, but at the same time, no, this is not what I want to see, because they don't want me to want to see this either.

The intent seems to shine through in production, and considering they do want you to see this movie to get that message it's a strange journey, and one you'll only appreciate when it's over.

I appreciate the idea, but there's little redeeming value outside of that.

The plot's that of a movie bootlegger stumbling into a theater of murder and madness after it's taken over by a demonic hit man.

Big Daddy Kane's the only name I recognize in the cast, and it's a bit spooky how the killer is never revealed. Who was he, really? Interesting watch, even if it's more for the message than the movie itself.

 rated 2/5: decent

Why Would You Eat An Animal...

Why would you eat an animal when you can eat some chips?

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