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Revenge For Jolly! (2012)

Revenge For Jolly! (2012)

A 'good guy's' dog (Jolly) gets killed, so he and his best friend go out on a vendetta to find the one who killed him, managing to shoot up quite a few innocent people along the way.

This is the kind of comedy I wouldn't really consider a comedy. It's a dysfunctional farce, with a lot of beer and contemplation along the way, and maybe it could have been good if it wasn't for the main two characters coming of as somewhat mentally handicapped. They had their moments in the beginning, but as it all progresses you stop relating to them, and start seeing them as more of the tragic duo that they really are.

The pace is a bit slow, the sceneries are a bit bleak, and though the atmosphere indulges in desperation and that spontaneous every-day-slice-of-life-anomaly like: a wedding getting shot up by a couple of strangers, it just doesn't stand out enough. Not to be good. Or maybe it's just that I can't relate enough? That it just doesn't make sense?

I might remember it. It's a trip. Good and bad. Well-filmed, and tragic, with full-on action and untactical automatic fanatics... but not particularly charismatic. That's it.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Avalanche Sharks (2013)

Avalanche Sharks (2013)

Avalanche Sharks [AKA Snow Sharks] tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche.

So I watched another Syfy shark movie. Sue me. How many do they have though? It's crazy, but groovy. But maybe if they spent some more time on these flicks, the special effects would be finer and shit. And I wouldn't grow idle and quit. It's spring break though so you do get some idols and tits.

The plot... well there isn't much of it. The main dilemma: keeping a tourist resort open during tourist season no matter what, ghost sharks or no, seems highly familiar. It's pretty much the same as Sand Sharks (and Ghost Shark before it), but now they're trying to take it seriously. It's not working.

They do have one thing going for them, and that's the girls, and the ghost shark effects are cool, but the rest? Oh man. You think they'd at least be able to make a wooden pole fall naturally.

If there's one thing all of these movies lack it's the special effect quality necessary to let the viewer at least somewhat immerse themselves, but it's not just that with this one. The script's old and messy - the description doesn't even match, and the characters all seem to be fighting each other rather than the sharks.

In conclusion this is not one of the better segments of the Syfy Shark Movie Suite. Just like Ice Sharks. The girls may be better-looking, but they really seem to have a problem working with this particular element. It's cool, but pretty far from the ocean after all.

 rated 1/5: shit shit shit

Gargantua (1998)

Gargantua (1998)

A mysterious aquatic creature appears out of the waters near Malau to terrorize the people, yet it turns out all it really wants is to find its son, who's hiding in the woods with Brandon, eating Cheez-Its.

Brandon's dad is busy looking for a solution that Brandon already has, and the people of the island start getting anxious and/or greedy. Eventually the military get involved, and a not-so-good fisherman sees a commercial potential in the creature. That all goes how you'd expect it.

The movie's like a hybrid Godzilla and E.T., just not as good, though one thing they do know is how to portray the tropics! Malau - it's not paradise but it is authentic. And nice. The movie's a horror story in part, but never strong in that regard. The sequences meant to be scary come of as cheesy, ans the intrigue is a fickle thing that never lasts as long as it could have.

The atmosphere's probably the strongest part. The relations. The little encounters between it all. The father and son bit - stereotypic and angled as it may be. But as it goes on those tirades become tiresome, too. I'm not even sure this was meant to be a low-budget movie, but it feels badly directed. The idea's okay, but the execution? Lousy. Lazy. Not enough.

It's a monumental title for a mediocre film.

 rated 2/5: decent

Mary Proud (2006)

Mary Proud (2006)

Here's the story of an up-and-coming R&B singer, as told through a series of interviews with her and her friends (and not-friends), along with flashbacks of the various trials and tribulations she faces on her way to the top, and the relations that lead her there. Her name: Mary Proud.

It's definitely a B-movie, but it's not bad, it's just... not very interesting. There's a lot of talk, and a lot of getting nowhere, and though the message may be good - and the singing - it doesn't have what it takes to stand out.

Maybe if they'd really focused on the music. Even though it's heavily tied to Mary's story there unfortunately very little of it here, outside of bits and pieces from various auditions.

Looking at the IMDB page it seems the world feels the same way about this movie, with not a single review to it's name, but it'd be a shame to let the world forget about it all that easily no? So here's one. Not too exuberant - it's a lot like the movie that way. If you want good music there are better alternatives out there, and for life advice the same, but it was okay.

 rated 2/5: decent

One Piece 4kids Pirate Rap

The things you miss when you don't watch dubs!

Musicalish #284

Here's another sixty! New and old. Some crude some gold. Enjoy the show.


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