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Bitch (2017)

Bitch (2017)

A woman snaps and assumes the psyche of a vicious dog as her checked-out, philandering husband attempts to keep the family together.

Bitch believes she's a bitch. Her husband's spoiled. Can't do anything right. The kids do their thing. The filming's creative. It's a comedy with darker tone: relationship drama. They figure things out. Ambiguous end. Don't know if the wife's really alright again or still a dog, in bed with her master...

The idea's not bad, but the movie. Man. It's just not my style. Not at all. Too expressive. Too exaggerated. Too normal, still. Too not funny. Not fun but not serious either. Not inspiring nor depressing, and it has an aura of dullness to it.

I don't know exactly what I didn't like about this, but it might be as simple as the main actors. And the style of film. It's just not my style.

 rated 1/5: shit shit shit

Snake Outta Compton (2018)

Snake Outta Compton (2018)

You know what this one plays on right?

If you don't you'd better watch the original first - then give this one a go.

The rap bits may be intentionally whack sometimes, and even in the end the hook is (where I assume it's not meant to be) out of sync, but Cam definitely knows his bit, that cop's a real killer - almost seems like he could've been played by the RZA - and the mad scientist genius is a mad talent as well. Big props Motown Maurice, and whomever played that officer!

Unfortunately the special effects are crap. Sometimes. But the movie had more going for it than not, and the props definitely aren't.

It's giving off B-movie vibes like I haven't seen in a while, but in a good way, and I appreciate both the witticism and homage to all that it pays tribute to. So many pop culture references!

It was way better than expected. Black culture appropriation. Dig it.

 rated 3.5/5: not bad at all

Kill Speed (2010)

Kill Speed (2010)

Best friends fly home-built, high-tech planes to deliver drugs from Mexico to California in order to fund their Hollywood life-style.

Pretty sure I've seen this one before.

The same things that bugged me last time bug me now - like that tough guy at the start of the movie just waving the gun around aimlessly until the cops pull up and arrest him. And Tom Arnold making such a half-assed dive for his gun in the back of the van that they could've easily shot him. Things like that.

On the other hand the first explosion is awesome, the fire extinguisher bit was fun, the planes are cool, the tough guys look bad-ass for real, and... well it's just a really smooth movie that way. It looks good. The dialog's the weak part. And the script. The authenticity too.

The big turn irks me the most though. The relation. The obvious bit, when she was checking his computer and he didn't suspect a thing. The filming was solid but there's just so much wrong with the directing, and the script. All of it. How the characters react, and speak, and interact, and how easily legality and illegality mix.

In the end it comes off feeling like a Fast & Furious rip-off with planes. It's cool but just... not there.

 rated 2/5: decent

Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

Aw yeah! You know what kind of movie this is. The grimy. The grungy. The eighties.

It's got a real B-movie vibe, but some nice girls, some tough guys, some beach and wave and a bad-ass black lady out to avenge her dead son - thus the title.

It really wasn't that good, not the actors nor the film itself, but I still feel like I'll remember it.

Not only does it have a pretty unique title, and theme (it's based upon a book btw), but it also has some pretty individualistic actors, or characters. They may not be the best but they feel memorable, and the props (like the severed head) weren't bad.

No crappy CGI like in the modern movies here. Just violence on a budget, and to me that's totally OK.

It's not one of the most captivating movies you'll stumble across, but it has a Warriors-like vibe to it, and kept me entertained all the way despite its flaws. If you want eighties, or something different - or both, then you might like this. Just don't be misled by the cover. It's no comedy.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Check Point (2017)

Check Point (2017)

Port City North Carolina: During a routine camp out, a local vagrant, a former marine discovers plans for an invasion in America. When he tries to notify the local Sheriff...

Well, let's just say that doesn't go the way he hoped.

It takes a while for the movie to get to the point of the description though. Most of the movie's spent on building the main character, and though a lot of great movies spend unfortunately little time on that, this time it feels like a bit too much. But maybe it's because even the main character doesn't really have any character. Even at the end you really don't know much about him, or feel like he's been properly introduced even with the build-up.

The actors aren't bad (they've got some good names there), the story's not bad, but it takes a long time for it to build up, is full of loose ends and miscalculations (like the flag scene), the CGI's crap, and the grand finale... leave a bit to be desired.

It gets better towards the end, but doesn't really go all the way there either.

Closure please. A little bit more.

 rated 2/5: decent

Contract To Kill (2016)

Contract To Kill (2016)

It's another Steven Seagal movie! With a bit too much backstory explained via too much dialog, and way too much trying-to-look-cool without doing all that much of value.

I'm starting to recognize that as maybe the main reason Steven Seagal's B-movies are exactly that: B-movies.

Maybe the problem isn't the dialog though. The problem is they're always standing or sitting still during the dialog, and there's just too much dialog. Lack of motion? Too much. Even when they don't speak they're usually waiting, sitting, standing, panning or moving in slow-mo.

There's nothing wrong with the action, or the quality, but those parts are drawn out and superficial too, and all of this is why it's a B-movie.

They dove in deep with regard to the script, and yet that drone should've been an immediate giveaway too. Inconsistencies and 'lack-of-authenticity's.

Those aren't all that A either.

I do commend them on the lack of special effects and such stuff that fucks up so many a modern movie these days, but the superficial level of cool, the occasional misstep, and the massive plotting: there's just too much.

Maybe this would do better as a book than as a movie.

 rated 2/5: decent

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