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Call Girl Of Cthulhu (2014)

Call Girl Of Cthulhu (2014)

Grindhouse, gore and rock music! Hell yeah. The props are legit, and the story's just the right kind of explicit and crazy. It's one crazy mess and it's inspired by Lovecraft no less.

You see so many of these B-movies that try to be better than they are, but here's one that really is all it is. No more no bliss. Expect mutant dicks and exploding stiffs. Wicked music that whips your wits. Get a load of this.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Malatesta's Carnival Of Blood (1973)

Malatesta's Carnival Of Blood (1973)

Time for one of the earliest zombie movies ever made! On par with the likes of Night Of The Living Dead (1968) and whatever other contemporaries that might've inspired.

If you'd consider this a zombie movie.

It's about a girl, mostly, and a theme park, and a gathering of both innocent bystanders and sinister staff members who deal with all sorts of sinful experiments in the merry roundabout shade...

The theatrics may be a bit much, the acting's not always perfect, but they play with angles, and materials, and gory themes in a way that seems to befit the theme park theme. You get all the rides in the worst possible ways. It's not SAW-like gory, but just... disturbing. Sometimes red-paint-like so, sometimes legit-prop-like really.

Unfortunately it's hard to feel like this movie upholds an atmosphere today as much as it probably did back when it was made, not like say Suspiria (the original), but it is an interesting glimpse into the more forgotten films of the strange and sinful horror movie seventies.

It's not bad. Props on them really keeping things creative, and making horror movies not only to gross you out but to innovate and exploit in the most varied ways.

Malatesta, you're not the best but... don't let it rest; stuff. For the seventies it's not bad at all.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Stiff (2010)

Stiff (2010)

A suicidal guy calls a suicide prevention hotline, and starts connecting with a girl that really wants only to have sex with his corpse, but then he starts to fall in love, and for a moment it seems she does too...

The premise showed promise, but the movie? Film quality isn't ideal. Acting isn't ideal. Conversations are often drawn out - sometimes contemplative or morbid or just right - but sometimes just not authentic enough.

The desperation never really comes through either, nor is it a real splatter movie. Appeal falters.

It's a sad story, and a good idea for a movie, but it's neither as grueling nor as gripping as it could've been.

 rated 2.5/5: almost not bad

The Lovely But Hellishly Hot Summer

So I tried moving my mattress down to the bottom floor and sleeping behind the sofa, but that didn't help at all. It felt even warmer than upstairs. Worse circulation maybe, even though I'd had all windows open for some time prior to bedtime.

I lay there a while anyway, too tired to move but too hot to sleep, reminded also that there's a clock ticking in our living room that you fortunately don't hear upstairs.

I went up again. I visited my room. Too hot. Went to the other side of the house, and tried one of the now vacant rooms there now that the folks are up North (right now I really can't wait to join them), and maybe that was a little better... the morning sun usually falls on my side of the house first too, so I figured at least I'd be able to keep cool longer on the other one.

Only it was also a corner room, so after a night of tossing and turning and for some reason having to run all too many times to the bathroom despite a not overly large consumption of water (could have been a late side-effect of the 10g c-vitamin doses I took during the day to keep going), the sun started heating up that side early as well.

I think I finally maybe slumbered a bit some time after five, was too tired to set the alarm for anything, woke up around eleven as the room grew hotter again, closed the window on the cooler side of the house to prevent the inside air from getting as hot as the outside air at a time when the ratio of cool outside air/hotter inside air seemed about to switch, drank some water, turned on the computer, and started Googling portable air conditioning units...

Sold out all over. All but the most expensive models, and some of the cheaper (and potentially crappier) ones, but what choice do you have in a situation as this? The heatwave's set to last all weekend now. I follow the weather report feverishly, hoping the situation changes and it blows away with a foreign wind, or maybe we get a few raindrops to dampen the heat.

As the nights get warmer as well there's less hope of chasing out any surplus heat without artificial aid.

How reliant we are these days of electric devices... back in the day my parents spent two years in Tunisia without so much as a fan. How we've weakened. I've weakened. Maybe all those cold morning showers this year and Wim Hoff cold therapy is actually making me more sensitive to heat.

Or would it be different if we still lived in the forests and slept under the stars? Are we artificially heating up the world as well, more and more for each year that passes?

Maybe our attempts to cool our houses is ironically also what's forcing this change. No energy without heat.

But regardless: I ordered a portable air conditioner, rented a car during lunch (still work from home), I commuted to get to the car - careful not to touch anything on the train except for the door-opening button that is unfortunately an obligatory manual touch-based task now that this heatwave reigns - and drove to Elgiganten, stood in line for what felt like half an hour - though not without appreciating their cool air-conditioned locale a bit more than I usually do, got my cool device, drove home, read the manual, noted that it'd better never be near any flammable gases or electrical devices that might cause a spark that'll make it go haywire and (I assume) explode, pulled the exhaust air tube through the open window that so very dysfunctionally-in-cases-like-this folds inwards and opens all too much if all you want to do is just slip through a tube, probably reducing the efficiency of said device, sheltered it in place with curtains and string and a bedside lamp, and there it's been since, turned off only when I briefly returned the car and took an hour-long walk home in the hot afternoon sun to avoid unnecessary commute - cooling the room.

It works! The room's cool. I have the door open to the hall and to all other rooms as well, hoping it'll cool those too, but it's not a top-of-the-line model, and ideally the gap around the tube around the window would also be better sealed. It's a cheaper, but appreciably functional alternative, though I see that to take full advantage of it I'd best use a whole lotta duck tape and/or drill a hole through the wall, and I'm not sure I'm qualified for that latter project. It'd be good though. Energy efficient and easy. Wonder if the folks might have anything against it...

When all's said and done though and this thing's been running a few hours I'll hopefully sleep a bit better tonight. Or rather: hopefully I'll sleep. Yesterday was a blanket-tossing water-drinking heat-wave experience like no other, and admittedly it probably stirred certain unreasonable panic since I went and bought this thing instead of just enduring, as I probably would have if I was well-rested, and fed, and overall just feeling well.

Barely ate any lunch at all today. The heat wouldn't have it. Feeling slightly paranoid about my wellbeing these recent days, even if dieting in particular would probably be pretty good.

One hot day's alright. A weekend's tolerable. A full week like this... it's not something I'm used to. I've never lived in Arizona y'all. Supposedly it takes a week to acclimate to a warmer climate, but this better not be permanent now. I need some cool again. This isn't how we do things over here.

When the days are all sunshine and the warmth won't leave the house: either get an air conditioner or some clouds.

Or get out.

21 Bridges (2019)

21 Bridges (2019)

First movie I see with a little bit less glorious a N.Y. cityscape... shrouded in haze and pollution, with a stream of cars rolling on with no place to go - nowhere but home - as Detective Andre Davis leaves his senile ma and takes to the streets in his endless fight for justice, and runs into a seven time cop killer duo with three hundred keys of cocaine on the run... no war analogies here. Five hours to catch the crooks. That's it.

Maybe you're wondering what the 21 Bridges are all about? It's Manhattan. That's how many there are.

It's a good movie. Chadwick Boseman is serious in his role - as he usually is, the situation's gritty and truthful, and it's one of those stories that doesn't end exactly the way you expect it to. Even if towards the end you start doubting. Thinking that it may either go as perfectly, or as horribly as it possibly can... especially when those thumb drives first get mentioned. Or maybe even earlier. When the cops show up. When it's 300 instead of 30. When the dealer says so.

I should've caught on quicker.

In the end it's just one of those movies that leaves you a little bit depressed. It doesn't have the lights and whistles and sexy ladies that action/thriller movies used to have. It has a cause, instead. Corruption. Cocaine. Good. Life. Death. Fates. Circumstance. The eternal struggle.

It was good, it was somewhat memorable, but it's also surely not a movie I'll be watching again.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Blind Fury (1989)

Blind Fury (1989)

The American Zatoichi - this is it!

One of Rutger Hauer's in my opinion most memorable roles, along with the wolf one, and the water world one, and of course the unforgettable Hitchhiker one, not to mention Blade Runner.

Rutger was one of the kings of his time. Not the buffest, nor the toughest, but one of the truest. One of the most authentic and adaptable action heroes of not just that day but any day.

The action scenes may be riddled by what we'd now see as inconsistencies, what with how you rarely see the wounds, and with how the gunmen keep getting unnecessarily close to the swordsman (never bring a gun to a sword fight don'tchaknow?) but if you don't mind those minor details, then the action choreography here is just impeccable.

I love the grit. I love the style. I love how they make use of the sceneries, and yet don't fear going in for close-ups when they can capture an expression or a detail that matters.

These days it seems to be either one or the other. Directors just don't adapt. They don't see things from different sides. And the cuts never feel out of place.

What am I saying though? It's not all like that. I just love this movie. It's about a hero from the Vietnam war, who's taken in by the enemy, and comes back a changed man. Blind, but not without his laugh, or his kindness. And somehow he stumbles upon a drug ring and a little kid while looking for his old, but somewhat cowardly, friend.

It's a comedy with a grain of realness to it, and an impressive blind man act by the one and only.

 rated 5/5: friggin awesome

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