Inktober #5.5 - Sometimes (After Angst)
Look. I'm an open book.
I'm hopeful. I don't have it hooked.
I'm woeful. But I got my crooks.
My buddies in crime. Run the power of rhyme.
All that it took. For me to get here.
Won't let it be for nothing. I'd better be bluffing
When I talk about my idols just dying and never loving.
Some are still alive, still got some of those summer vibes.
Took a walk today. Daydreamed that I met my lady.
The sun was shining. On my walk. My dream one hazy.
We talked. We had so much in common and I felt joy
Like I haven't felt in a long time reach through the void.
Could it be a message to me? Right through my dream?
From my own mind? Or another in between?
I'd like to see the light sometime, like to believe,
That there's something there. Other than struggle and air.
And sometimes. I look out the window and find the shine.
Sometimes. I get out and do things don't waste my time.
Sometimes. I do feel accomplished and back on track
Sometimes I go back and listen to Cyberdevil's Back and realize, it still sounds real nice! I can rap!
I get revitalized! By these empowering memories
When I stop caring for legacy or if people remember me!
When getting through a day is all that matters and energy's
Getting sapped from me constantly as I sip on this Hennessy!
Though I just say that to have something to say. I don't drink.
I eat and I play video games. Try not to think.
I seek the things that take me away, from this brink, of reality.
Dilly and dally in the parody.
Sometimes I forget I do have a vent!
An outlet I never doubted and a fountain of sense!
And I do have friends! And family who understand me still!
If you don't appreciate what you have you never will.
Sometimes! I just get lost in the dark of my brain!
Sometimes! I get lost while embarking in games!
Sometimes! My steps cost and hark on me shame,
Wish time was endless and I could always restart/find a way.
Sometimes. And sometimes these turn out a bit too simple.
Like I have more to say. More to mourn. More old demons I've stored away.
More scorn. More topics I've never dared to bring forth, to brave.
Sometimes I'll face the demons, go forth and wade. Knee deep.
Someday. Is not a day of the weak.
Inktober #5 - Angst
I'm so introspective... soul's got a message...
I'll be on my deathbed... soldered up and not ready for the next age
All of y'all keep talking 'bout Brexit, Black Lives Matter, I'll worry 'bout the next thing like...
What I'll have for breakfast. Fuck the world I don't even want to step in!
Don't want to be reckless but my idols somehow all turned out suicidal,
Sometimes I worry that I can come to, that same conclusion that you're not gunproof,
And life ain't fun, nowhere to run to, no need to fight when you could just end it.
Everyone can't comprehend this, right now I'm one, I don't want to end stiff.
Lately I don't trust my next kin, but it's not about deception,
More like they don't understand me, they mame my turmoil and then uphand me,
What I deem important's not important, just an odd thought that I'm caught in,
But you can't treat people like their trouble's worth less some of us just don't let our troubles surface.
You don't see what I'm facing inside. Less I let it out in my rhyme.
I don't want to make a nuisance or mess up the mood when I do vent - take it outside.
All the tension bakes up inside, I'll explode and I'll take y'all with mine.
Grenade. I played. This life. Like war. I don't know. If I. Copy. Ten four.
Yet I do say this with a smile! Life's fucked up, can't fake a denial.
I do try to reshape and get by, get out, take a walk, get aid in my stride.
I don't know if you have it worse. Maybe you'd want to be me, maybe you'd feel free.
Maybe your own trouble's a trouble I don't really deem deep... but you do.
We're different, me and you. See the world in a different hue.
I see it yellow, you see it blue. I see it mellow, you see it cool.
I go to hell, you move to the pool. I doubt myself, you don't use an excuse.
You're everyone else. Too good to be true. Too happy with life. How do you get through.
Maaan it irks me irks me. Hurts me, but nurtures me with new lines.
New ammunition, man am I primed!
Lost my good years not a man in my prime but I'm realizing more and more you are what you eat.
And all these dark thoughts are making me weak!