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Every Last One Of Them (2021)

Every Last One Of Them (2021)

You know what this is about by the title right? Vengeance. All the way. Though as to for whom and why that'll reveal itself if you see the film.

It was gray, gritty, and great... in the full range and showcase of emotion in their screams, in the sleaziness' of the strip joint in the beginning, in the small town setting where all is owned by one man, and then this one man arrives to throw sticks in his spokes with a savage strain of justice...

It's a shame the strip joint visit was such a short-lived movement. I felt like this movie was at its peak there, with the sleazy setting and proper protagonist intro before it all came tumbling down. The actors had potential, the premise was good, the isolation perceptible, but after that it just wasn't as spectacular as the intro seemed to promise.

Nothing wrong with the action; nothing wrong with the emotion either when those moments do come, it just seems the tension doesn't hold, the script's not great, and the overall experience ultimately comes across a little underwhelming.

 rated 3.5/5: not bad at all

Multiverse (2019)

Multiverse (2019)

AKA Entangled

Four brilliant university students are forced to confront themselves in terrifying ways when their Quantum Physics experiment leads to an entangled parallel existence that leaves them questioning who they are and what is real.

This movie had such a beautiful intro. Liquid and particle effects. Perfection. Better than Bond. The typography was on point too. It had me real hyped for the actual movie to come and then...

It's that kind of movie too huh! Flawless in all but the car crash, with a little twist at the end that you might think might have been a twist, to distract you from the real one.

Mix in either a little multiple timeline or verse theory and it gets magical huh? Or murderous. Or both. At least in the movies. And there is an infinite number of multiverses...

Moral of the story: Don't drive in the dark, or while tired and out of focus.

The ending's both chilling and cathartic innit.

Great movie.

 rated 5/5: friggin awesome

Tarzan In Manhattan (1989)

Tarzan In Manhattan (1989)

Who would've thought they could turn Tarzan into a typical eighties action movie?! It's legit. He's running barefoot in the jungle and everything in the beginning. Manages the typical Tarzan call. There are animals. It's a pretty thorough intro.

And then he flies off to Manhattan, you see the Statue of Liberty at a distance from the main land - rare viewpoint, and he climbs up a bridge pillar and rides into the city atop a commuter bus, all the while an ominous synthy soundtrack plays in the background...

The reason he's there isn't as positive though.

His chimp mom's been killed, and his little ape brethren's kidnapped, but he runs into a charming young female taxi driver, gives her a gold ring as payment, meets her crazy cop father and so the adventure commences!

And what a feelgood film this was.

The action scenes are typical eighties/nineties ones - not the most authentic, but with character. And so too the characters. And there's an element of humanity to the premise itself, and appreciative contrasts between the real jungle and the concrete one - though maybe they didn't highlight those bits as much as they could have.

There's a lot of bonding too. Tarzan and girl (Jane). Y'all know how it goes.

The only thing that throws me off during the movie is Joe Lara's (the guy who plays Tarzan) constantly so very preoccupied-looking expression. He's not an idiot, nor usually nervous, so for the most part the facial expression just feels off. He knows English from the start of the movie too.

It may be a spin-off take on his first meeting Jane, in the big city more so than the bush, but they could've portrayed him a little differently.

They did her perfectly.

Bright smiles all the time. Easy-going and easy to grow a liking to.

And despite Joe's bad facial mimicry he's not bad either. He definitely has a personality, and the looks, and seem a little reminiscent of Arnold's during his similarly New Age take on Hercules - a similar icon of the ancients in strange new places - albeit of course here Joe's a little less muscular.

And a better actor.

It's classic eighties-on-the-verge-of-nineties action with a refreshing twist.

Good movie.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Mile High Escorts (2020)

Mile High Escorts (2020)

AKA Secrets in the Air

Following the death of a co-worker, a young woman working for a private airline learns the owner's secret and becomes the next target.

Looks like a young Sylvester Stallone in the lead role... almost? Though turns out he didn't have no lead role after all.

The scenes are good in this movie. The places look good, and the people look good, and the quality feels proper.

The transitions move like they would with a TV movie though, and instead of becoming the gritty; psychological and potentially sexy softcore thriller I expected it to be it turns into a moral one. Escorting's not the way to go. Do things your way. Don't follow temptation. And it's not all about the money.

Though not sure they properly convey that it's 'not all about money' after all... there's a lot of it about the money even at the end of it.

It feels disappointingly much like a religious propaganda movie when it's over, even if it looked good, even if the actors weren't bad, and even if some scenes were pretty convincing...

High flying business idea though. No doubt. And it does start good.

 rated 2.5/5: almost not bad

Noah's Shark (2021)

Noah's Shark (2021)

It's another one of those crazy shark movies and one with a witty title no less!

Or so you'd think. I would've thought, at least. That's why I sought this out.

Turns out it was more so about a priest exorcising a wooden plank, and wandering into the mountains in search of a cursed ark built by Noah's fourth son together with an adept intent on making a documentary that shall maybe never see the light of day...

Crappy. Crap special effects. Crap acting. Crap everything. Even the grand speech before they head to the ark was hesitant and disappointing.

They had some good waves going on in the intro but the rest...?

There's barely even a shark in here at all.

 rated 1.5/5: almost decent

Flesh Will Rot...

Flesh will rot but songs remain in ages.

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