This Succumbersome Life
I must admit I've succumbed. To playing games. To binging YT videos. To eating unhealthily - food with traces of wheat even - since I was given a can of capsules that supposedly break down gluten this summer I don't seem to care anymore, even if I do feel the effects thereof anyway. I ate wheat bread for three days straight a month or so ago and suffered the consequences. Gastritis, stomach inflammation and all that shit again - I make rarer unhealthy dietary exceptions since.
I don't care about brushing my teeth every night either. I don't care about my bedtimes - they fluctuate as wildly as stock markets during the ongoing inflation. I stay up late and play when I can, then try to better myself when there's a reason to get up in time for once. I seek solace in music and YT binges of inspiring content, but all this fails me. In making me feel satisfied, and satiated, and like I'm on on the right path with life and all.
Maybe I haven't really gotten over the loss of my car.
My sense of freedom's been crippled. My slate of progress in life's been wiped clean. I invested and lost, and have to thus rely on inferior methods of transport when I need to get somewhere. And though I do have plenty of dues lined up on my calendar; though I have been going with daily Inkember verses all November in secret too; though I am recording gameplay footage when I do get disciplinarily sidetracked, with the intent of making said time I spend on games be at least somewhat useful at a later date... I feel like I've succumbed. To a lifestyle devoid of true motivation, and purpose, and discipline, and progress. Yet again.
The one thing I have been keeping up with on a daily basis lately are the cold morning showers.
Don't they help anymore? Are they not cold enough? Do I need to take it to the next level and insulate a freezer and fill it with water and actually take a bath every morn' (though that sounds hella expensive with the currently also fluctuating and rising electricity prices)?
I stopped with those for a while too - after I caught a cold and/or potential second hit of covid in the middle of September. But I'm back on track with those at least, and at least that feels good.
I tried some meditation the other day too. I picked up my weights again in a half-assed attempt to get buff and/or stay in shape that same day. When I devour at least one chocolate bar and two or three packs of seaweed snacks (with sugar - though they call it maltitol) on a daily basis it's not like that helps in the least. Yet I take great pleasure in lightly jogging by everyone on the escalators on my way to work. No matter if they're going up or down. No matter how long they are. No matter if they're running at all or just malfunctioning and the lactic acid is burning like a mofo.
How can people seem so lean when they don't move?! Even when they're not sitting by a computer. Do they all have paid gym memberships and go ham for an hour or two every day and then lounge on said escalators instead, tired after those grueling workouts?
If there's one thing I won't embrace its our overlord phones though.
Stay mobile people.
I woke up with what seemed to be a pretty bad headache today, at 11 AM, and it serves as a reminder of the bad lifestyle choices and direction I've been taking lately, like I'm re-living my angsty teenage haze years.
The first thought that popped into my head was that I have succumbed, and I started formulating the beginning of this post in the shower, and as you'd best do with all things you intend to see through I'm now sharing my plan for rapid betterment here with the world in an effort to be accountable.
So, it's time to change things around a bit. It's time to take myself seriously again. Even if I manage work and dues and all at a reasonable pace this isn't the lifestyle I yearn for on the side either, or a pace that I'm happy with. So let's amp things up a bit.
I'm making some sushi for lunch today. It's the second time I attempt this. I have a sushi mat now, which enhances confidence in sushi-making abilities.
Maybe that'll get my hopes up again; inspire something, and then it's time to keep pushing... time to start making some serious progress in life again! Time to get a new car again and regain that sense of freedom and momentum that comes with it!!!
Maybe that particular time's later since I am currently low on funds after superfluous seasonal Christmas shopping, and there seem to be no cheap cars around right now, and gas prices are still high, and it'd be pretty bad timing to regain that responsibility mid-winter of all times.
But I shan't succumb. Rule of thumb. Lift some weights or go and run.
Those temptations... let them come. I'll obliterate.
Even in my weakened winter state.
Let's have fun.