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Space Pups (2023)

Space Pups (2023)

A little corny innit? Definitely for the kids innit?

Yes innit, but the alien mouth reading session was hilarious, and they have real dogs masquerading as aliens - or vice versa - which is cool, and though not the best actors the kids are... charming. Not bad.

I thought I'd end up skimming this but towards the end I'm actually really getting into it all... it's nice with a happy ending for all parties involved for a change too - even for the 'bad guy'.

The special effects are crap though. There's no getting around that. And they're unfortunately a sizable chunk of the film.

It's not all bad, and not a bad movie overall, but probably best for a younger audience that doesn't much stress the details.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Penance (2009)

Penance (2009)

It's Blair Witch Project style y'all! With tapes found at the abandoned Lichtenstein Hospital for the Criminally Insane... though it's not all tape. They mix things. I wonder if Blair Witch did, I don't quite remember now...

It's the story of 24 y/o Emilia Wallace anyhow, who goes for a lucrative one-time side-gig as a stripper in order to make money for her son, and a dying man (so I thought - he seemed intent on ending himself too) who wishes to purify strippers in order to make penance with himself... or so I thought. Does he really think he'll get a place in heaven this way? Twisted minds sure are twisted but...

Graham McTavish plays the butcher - though why butcher in particular I wonder. Seems another name would've been more suitable.

Something more sadistic and twisted. Something less violent.

Michael Rooker contributes the violence - though his role is a small and temporary one - he's pretty much just there for beginning and end.

Marieh Delfino plays the main character. The young mother. She does get emotional. Good act.

They have a real pornstar in the mix too: Alice Amter, though no scenes as you might expect there to be with a movie like this.

It's not sexual. It's just... twisted.

The plot quickly becomes monotone too.

The violence is sedentary - showing aftereffects more so than actual brawls and brasher moments. It starts with a stripshow and ends with a whipped hoe, interrogations, a hospital ward setting with well-played characters that does feel uncomfortable... but also unnecessary, and hard to believe, and very jumpy.

If this was real surely it'd play out differently. Surely they'd know who they were bringing to the ward - or they wouldn't care so much as to who they do bring. Surely... their twisted business would be worse than this is too.

It feels like a somewhat meaningless movie, though the actors did a good job.

Nice one with the toothpick too Michael. Imagine if it really did get stuck that way during some more intense part of that one scene...

 rated 2.5/5: almost not bad

Boomhauer Rap God

Some strange kind of genius this! Almost better than the real thing, almost...

Don't Let Yesterday...

Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.

Slow Burn (2000)

Slow Burn (2000)

AKA Wilder.

It's a cops and killer thriller starring the foxy lady from Coffy, Pam Grier, accompanied by Romano Orzari as duo detectives, who first ridicule the love doctor Sam Dennis Charney (Rutger Hauer) for a bit, until they realize they all have more in common than they thought they did, and one of them falls in love with the other.

I recognize John Dunn-Hill in the cast too, though I wonder where from... it's a good cast overall. Pam's charming. Rutger's Rutger.

They make a good couple.

It's also refreshingly slow compared to the thrillers of today, with equally genuinely sensual and gripping moments. Though it feels lighthearted for a while. Until it doesn't. Until the element of radioactivity comes into play, and I realize what the title played at all this time - and I much prefer the Slow Burn one over Wilder, FYI.

It's about a villainous scheme first and foremost, not about the detective, even if she's a leading role and she works well as one.

I love her persona.

Feels like they didn't fully flesh out the ending though, and the film style gets weird occasionally: They jump frames and show multiple takes of the same scenes - something I notice more towards the end.

It feels like sloppy cutting at that point. Like they forgot certain scenes and added them in later.

But for the most part this was really good.

Rutger Hauer's always good, but him and Pam make an even better duo. I said that already but it's unexpected. Even though he comes across maybe a little crazy all the way till it's over, and never a character that truly sways the story any one way. Apart from the autopsy then.

If you like thrillers you might enjoy this anyhow.

Chilling watch.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Black Warrant (2022)

Black Warrant (2022)

A semi-retired special ops assassin and a DEA agent cross paths on separate missions to stop a cyber terrorist organization that has built a dangerous machine threatening to attack the power grid and bring catastrophe to the world.

It's that guy from the Sniper movies right...? Tom Berenger. Almost feels like an inofficial (I know that's not a word - I make the words - I am that unreasonable yet also prerequisite man of change in the world) sequel initially. No snipers but... same kind of black-ops agency type stuff.

HQ Mexico.

Yet they seem to make fun of Mexico too, with a main character who can barely annunciate the little Spanish he says, and Mexicans get little room to shine and show their skills, they seem like they're there more for a backdrop than an enhancement.

Shame on y'all. Tom Berenger does that bit better.

After a while it's clear this movie isn't on par with the aforementioned Sniper movies at all. Not just with the Mexico thing but... with everything. It's decent. It's never great. The special effects aren't special. The dialog's alright. The cast's good. The sceneries look good. The choreography and scripting's a little lacking.

The main character's also Cam Gigandet, and though he's not bad I'm just... not a fan of his demeanor. That he's never truly vulnerable, maybe? That he never seems to be himself? I wonder why I'm not a fan. He seems like a solid dude. Maybe it's the scripting. Maybe it's just the role.

Jeff Fahey has a quick cameo too, and brief as it is it's a highlight.

Sara Seyed is good too.

That's it y'all. Decent action movie... no more no less.

 rated 3/5: not bad

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