I would've liked to start the New Year with a clean slate.
I always do, yet I realized early on I wouldn't be able to with this one. And so I think I've come to peace with that prospect a bit more than usual.
Life runs on.
It runs on regardless of if there is a new year or no. Or new week or no. Whatever phase of days you currently reside in, it moves on, so why treat any new day any different? It always comes with the same amount of potential for betterment and progress - even if a 'New Year' somehow still carries with it that illusion of MORE.
Maybe it's because we change our calendars.
Maybe it's because we get new diaries, and schedules, and routines, and that our new plans and ambitions also manifest themselves in new machinery we now rely on to carry us forward, like for example a brand new cellphone that'll allow us to be however many times more productive than we were before (I just bought one - a Samsung S10e - it boots fast, takes good pictures and fits my pocket - so far I love it), but really... shouldn't we slow down instead?
What's the point of letting ourselves be carried away on this wave of technological revolution, where on top it may look fine and futuristic, but below all the fascinating creatures we share this planet with are dying at our expense, and we leave behind this radical rainbow of newness a trail of scorched earth, plastics, pesticides, mountains of trash and bitterness?
I'd like to start this new year new, too... but I want to start with a newfound sense of consistency in regard to this newness I aim to find. I don't want the NEW year to end up like the old one - which though not bad, has just blown by, and once again I don't feel I managed anywhere near as much as I hoped I would.
I've watched a ton of movies though - and still have reviews in draft to last me half another year. So I definitely managed THAT resolution. To leave at least one review a day for the full duration of the year.
But how does that benefit me in the long run? Why did I think it would?
I imagine I set that as a resolution since I figured it'd allow me to finally get through the surplus of drafts I had lying around at the time. Instead I've just watched more, and I still have drafts lying around.
I am the type of person who doesn't like to leave anything with nothing.
So if I'm running out of reviews: I write ahead. I bunker up. I hunker down. I put on a film or two. Time or no time. But I also enjoy film, and I don't want that like to turn more into a chore, so no more.
I'll still be watching movies, mind you, but not by resolution. I'll watch movies when I want to watch a movie - that's all the commitment a pastime as such should require - even if these reviews do contribute to the wealth of content that now exists on this site, and make me feel at least a little productive in times I am otherwise not...
But I wasn't happy with my progress last year either. I rarely am.
I am happy I don't have a cold this Christmas. I don't have that as an excuse for my recent lack of progress site-wise, but I have had a freelance gig going on since the start of November that's been eating virtually all excess time I have, so this year I have an even better excuse! Win or lose it's: still excuses.
First thing's first, though this life doesn't always go how you choose it, you need to force yourself to stay congruent. Motivate yourself. Keep moving. So once again I'd like to remind myself, that no matter how much time I've left behind, for the future: Don't wait, but don't haste. Don't hesitate. Don't stall, don't fall, don't all. Don't say "yes" if you stress. Don't do if you are not supposed to. But mostly, a 'can't do' won't do: think instead of what you could do. Be good too.
That's what I will, and what you should do.
And so, resolutions! What this post is supposed to be all about:
This year I vowed to...