I've succumbed.

I must admit I've succumbed. To playing games. To binging YT videos. To eating unhealthily - food with traces of wheat even - since I was given a can of capsules that supposedly break down gluten this summer I don't seem to care anymore, even if I do feel the effects thereof anyway. I ate wheat bread for three days straight a month or so ago and suffered the consequences. Gastritis, stomach inflammation and all that shit again - I make rarer unhealthy dietary exceptions since.

I don't care about brushing my teeth every night either. I don't care about my bedtimes - they fluctuate as wildly as stock markets during the ongoing inflation. I stay up late and play when I can, then try to better myself when there's a reason to get up in time for once. I seek solace in music and YT binges of inspiring content, but all this fails me. In making me feel satisfied, and satiated, and like I'm on on the right path with life and all.

Maybe I haven't really gotten over the loss of my car.

My sense of freedom's been crippled. My slate of progress in life's been wiped clean. I invested and lost, and have to thus rely on inferior methods of transport when I need to get somewhere. And though I do have plenty of dues lined up on my calendar; though I have been going with daily Inkember verses all November in secret too; though I am recording gameplay footage when I do get disciplinarily sidetracked, with the intent of making said time I spend on games be at least somewhat useful at a later date... I feel like I've succumbed. To a lifestyle devoid of true motivation, and purpose, and discipline, and progress. Yet again.

The one thing I have been keeping up with on a daily basis lately are the cold morning showers.

Don't they help anymore? Are they not cold enough? Do I need to take it to the next level and insulate a freezer and fill it with water and actually take a bath every morn' (though that sounds hella expensive with the currently also fluctuating and rising electricity prices)?

I stopped with those for a while too - after I caught a cold and/or potential second hit of covid in the middle of September. But I'm back on track with those at least, and at least that feels good.

I tried some meditation the other day too. I picked up my weights again in a half-assed attempt to get buff and/or stay in shape that same day. When I devour at least one chocolate bar and two or three packs of seaweed snacks (with sugar - though they call it maltitol) on a daily basis it's not like that helps in the least. Yet I take great pleasure in lightly jogging by everyone on the escalators on my way to work. No matter if they're going up or down. No matter how long they are. No matter if they're running at all or just malfunctioning and the lactic acid is burning like a mofo.

How can people seem so lean when they don't move?! Even when they're not sitting by a computer. Do they all have paid gym memberships and go ham for an hour or two every day and then lounge on said escalators instead, tired after those grueling workouts?

If there's one thing I won't embrace its our overlord phones though.

Stay mobile people.

I woke up with what seemed to be a pretty bad headache today, at 11 AM, and it serves as a reminder of the bad lifestyle choices and direction I've been taking lately, like I'm re-living my angsty teenage haze years.

The first thought that popped into my head was that I have succumbed, and I started formulating the beginning of this post in the shower, and as you'd best do with all things you intend to see through I'm now sharing my plan for rapid betterment here with the world in an effort to be accountable.

So, it's time to change things around a bit. It's time to take myself seriously again. Even if I manage work and dues and all at a reasonable pace this isn't the lifestyle I yearn for on the side either, or a pace that I'm happy with. So let's amp things up a bit.

I'm making some sushi for lunch today. It's the second time I attempt this. I have a sushi mat now, which enhances confidence in sushi-making abilities.

Maybe that'll get my hopes up again; inspire something, and then it's time to keep pushing... time to start making some serious progress in life again! Time to get a new car again and regain that sense of freedom and momentum that comes with it!!!

Maybe that particular time's later since I am currently low on funds after superfluous seasonal Christmas shopping, and there seem to be no cheap cars around right now, and gas prices are still high, and it'd be pretty bad timing to regain that responsibility mid-winter of all times.

But I shan't succumb. Rule of thumb. Lift some weights or go and run.

Those temptations... let them come. I'll obliterate.

Even in my weakened winter state.

Let's have fun.

It's not Christmas yet (though apparantely the first of December is when it's officially alright to put up Christmas lights and decorations - as per a 4,000 town survey in the US) but Håll Sverige Rent sent out this fun little greeting today, so I figured I might as well share it here, and remind y'all to not throw artificial shit around so much. Regular shit is OK, it's all those oil-based chemical compounds that so compactly pesticide the wild y'all.

It's simple wordplay: 'Ren' means clean in Swedish, but also deer.

There's a deer there wishing everyone a Clean Christmas.

The Hunt for Intelligent Alien Life! I posted the previous two here earlier apparently, so I suppose I'll do the same with this one... it's still just as fascinating stuff. With impressive quality rendering and sound.

And that concludes this epic melodysheep trilogy.

Science doesn't prove anything, it just reduces uncertainty.

Before I forget, I dreamt I was riding in a car along with a buddy (presumably Good Buddy Bear - we were just out on a trip together) and another guy - he was the one driving, and he was just about to reveal a name when my alarm clock rang and I jolted awake, temporarily forgetting said scenario and zoning in on instead getting the latest information on the snow chaos we're having here at the moment, and potentially calling in and asking if I can work from home if the transit time has become unreasonable...

It didn't seem like it had - everything seemed to be on time thus far - but SL warned it may get worse, recommended you work from home if you could, and one commuter train had already derailed so... I'm working from home! Good boss.

Now that that's out of the way: Back to the ride. The dream.

In it we had been cruising around a city for a while, looking at sights it seems. I assume the city was Warsaw since that's where we'd just been, but I didn't recognize any of the buildings specifically.

The streets were snowy and empty - it seemed like early morning there too, and in one area there were two glass skyscrapers, or just large cubes, with lobbies that seemed made up of glass walls entirely. There was a hallway of glass that kept going inwards and inwards, like a maze, until finally it reached some kind of counter in the center.

The glass hallways were divided the same way the exterior was, in large rectangular panes.

I don't remember ever entering said glass structures, but a while later we were in a car with one of the guys from one of the counters in said structures. We didn't know about both of them at the time - he told us about the second one.

He and his compadre/companion/compatriot (?) each worked in one of said glass structures, and sat at the center, where they received people and communications... I don't recall exactly what they did with them.

I suggested in jest that maybe they could hire paramilitaries to guard the facilities.

I'm not sure why they would, but in the dream it seemed like a relevant idea, and he seemed to think it was a GOOD idea, and we all laughed in an appreciative manner, and then he told me he had a friend who'd actually suggested a similar approach just recently, and since it was such a coincidence he wondered if maybe I actually knew that friend?

I felt like I actually might. I was curious and expectant about hearing the name of said friend - in the dream - and then suddenly my alarm clock blares and here I am again.

For a millisecond or so I considered just ignoring the alarm - maybe enabling me to turn it off without properly waking up - and letting my subconscious possibly pull out the name it had intended to, but alas I am a diligent individual and so I woke up instead.

I'm not sure what else was going on in this dream world, but prior to said office complex car encounter I'm pretty sure it was something exciting.

There may have been action. There may have been intrigue. There may have been some elements related to the trip. There may have been meaning, too...

I picked up a new book during the weekend btw. Day of Reckoning, by Jack Higgins. That may have something to do with it.

And I'm back!

Trip went well. Warsaw's a nice place, the food is good and cheap, and they do have this one gigantic skyscraper - the tallest in Europe possibly, with at least a lobby made entirely of glass...

I'm taking a trip y'all! Back in a bit.