Out Of Touch
Happy 2022 y'all!
You can look back at my first post of last year here.
It feels familiar, though visuals were a bit more meager there, as if I was unwilling to bet it all on the grand new view then... how about now?
I've started reading through the previous as I post the new one too, as to reflect on how things change from year to year, so of course that plays a part in the sequential similarities. Can't neglect the introspect inspect.
In regard to the blog I didn't think I'd posted much in 2021 at all, but apparently the collective archive of posts is at least a couple pages longer than the one the year before, and that year I posted more than the year before that - despite no Inktober artistry, so it seems I've been steadily progressing in the blogging department the last few years after all!
Even though times have seemed lesser. Even though I don't feel I've had time to write often at all, save for short notices when I leave for summer and then get back for fall - plus occasionally a queue of belated and previously unpublished movie reviews.
My posts aren't getting shorter either. They're getting all the more introspective and chaotic. Real as it gets here on CDB. So I'm surprised I've posted this many posts. Maybe a fair portion of these are quotes.
Let's see if I can keep the upward trend going this next year too. ;)
Looking onward hopefully this is the year everything starts looking up.
We've had some hard times. The world's been locked down. Natural resources are getting scarce. It's affecting the foodchain. Electricity's getting expensive. It's affecting the reality of renewable fuels and how green a future we're really headed towards. Wealth's been redistributed heavily. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer, and both we and the world are being all the more exploited for it.
So hopefully this is the year we finally pass through this pandemic veil (though those c********* theorists would say it won't be till 2025), get our shit sorted out collectively as a human race - seems this recent craze is showing us flaws in our societal design we urgently need to fix - and individually, personally, on the solo YOLO level albeit with a little helpful collective support get our own shit figured out too.
I booked in a three day meditation retreat at the Northernmost Buddhist temple in the world for starters (it's free - pay what you want). February.
Hopefully the flights still fly and the life's no lie. And I'll be working on that work thing. I'll get it all working. I'll go thin and get on with the searching, and get more bling than an urchin. And nurture all things deserving.
There's some irony in how I joked about being absolutely positive (about what is irrelevant) - but not corona-positive last year, and this year I am corona-positive. But not all positive otherwise.
But I think that's due to the corona. Haven't been getting my traditional two daily walks for a week now, and that's no good for my mind, but I'm not so negative I can't leave that behind and push on. To a new dawn. *wooosh* *yawn*
The sky of fireworks is inspiring. Heightens my sense of hope. Makes me feel alive and cope. Reminds me it's a fresh start. Though I shan't write as poetic a causerie on said colorful skylit blitz this year. I'm at peace but tired - feel free to refer to prior New Year posts for more wordy delights thereof.
Actually, saying I'm at peace might not be true entirely.
The day leading up to these New Year festivities was stressful, and both my parents are sick and tired - an unfortunate state for celebration, but we did have a dinner, and cheer in the New Year with a bottle of Jacob's Creek Chardonnay I'd had the foresight to stock up on well in advance, look at the fireworks a bit, and then I stayed up to write this.
I feel contemplative. I feel focused. I feel intrigued by the New Year. But also a little disappointed it turned out like it did; that I'm not ready for the new start full charge, and that Christmas wasn't the time of recuperation and rest it usually is.
We kickstarted an After-Christmas sales campaign the day after Christmas at work, and life moves on as usual. Stress through the holidays.
My big bro called from Östersund - he and his girl were solving a thousand piece puzzle each and had it been at it for eleven hours so far, and my sister was about to head outside and view the fireworks, though she's sick now too. Same shizzle we have/had.
The threat level may not be that high but it's definitely a contagion. Spreads like a fire from one of those Chinese lanterns some people actually send up for the New Year when they occasionally drift into a tree or garage or something they shouldn't drift into does.
2021 was admittedly... maybe not the most amazing year thus far, so let's make this one all the better shall we? All the things the last one could've been but wasn't. All that which we wanted it to be.
There's no better time than the now to reflect on what we want and make each new realization a to-be reality.
Don't impede the impending. Go out and get befriending. Start saving more than spending. Beginning more than ending. Less throwing, more mending. More sowing, less lending. Less going, more... sending? You'll know when, you're there. So Happy, New Year.
You can find my recent resolutions posts here, on the other side of the yearly divide, as usual. I'll revise this and that a bit better tomorrow.
Whatever happens though I will definitely keep on writing, and blogging, and making music. And I'll see you kids: later.
I'll be brief this year, cause I've got covid don'tchaknow. I'm slow but on the road. Still going like a locomotive, though motives more on hold. More on that loco. Hallucinating of coconuts and clover. That golden summer glow...
I got stuck in all kinds of random conversations leading up to the New Year this year too. Endless PM convos related to random events I've somehow become affiliated with, like the unofficial monthly NSFW content awards over at NG. I feel obligated to engage myself though I don't feel I really have time to fully particulate or follow.
There's been a lot of stuff like that. Maybe something to sort out in my resolutions? We shall see.
This year too I haven't fully revised all posts I'd hoped to before the New Year came ticking either, though I plowed through a large portion today, and I haven't arranged ISRC codes either since this year's mixtape project is at the moment somewhat overdue - not done yet - but it's coming.
I have however not been measly. I have not been slacking in the least see. I have not taken it easy. And I still do have hope for the New Year.
I still want to hone and further my slowly broadening levels of excellence. I want to once more bring up and re-apply that age old mantra of mine - as seems to have become tradition here the last few years - and remind myself of this: Don't wait, but don't haste. Don't hesitate. Don't stall, don't fall, don't all. Don't say "yes" if you stress. Don't do if you are not supposed to. But mostly, a 'can't do' won't do: think instead of what you could do. Be good too.
That's how I want to be. That's what I want to do. That's how I want to lead my days. That all still rings true with and makes sense to me - and is an ongoing endeavor of mindset development and honing.
More concisely though. Goals.
Last year I vowed to...
1. Sort my life out! Meet new people, get to a place I feel happy to be at and spend my time in a way that feels fruitious to me.
Did I? Not really, but I've been making progress on the meeting new people part. I speak to people in public places now. I initiate conversations. I'm rather happy with how my inner introvert's been in training this year, and hopeful that say a soulmate just might be wait...ering tables around the corner somewhere near here. Who knows. Confidence is rising somewhat. If we do cross paths maybe I'd say the right words in passing.
I didn't suffer as much a winter depression as I did last year either, and the darkest day has now gone, so that's positive.
On less positive a note I don't see my future with the company I'm currently employed with too brightly. Days usually feel stressful even though they're part-time, and cut down in number by cause of lacking company finances. But I've stayed more positive on worse odds than I managed to stay with better ones before, so though all's not great circumstantially or environmentally - and definitely not sorted - I feel I'm making notable progress mentally too. It's almost like... I'm growing up, by trials...
Then again if growing up implies coming to terms with days NOT being fruitious and fun then I'm probably on the wrong path still. How can you be content with contempt. Doesn't compute. Maybe I'm just being continually bombarded by common indoctrination intents; my views on what it means to progress are being skewed by means of sociatal norm.
So on a certain level I know I'm on the wrong path. Still. It's great to learn to deal with stress and ardor and psychological turmoil and all, but greater to get to a place where there's none to deal with. Where you are in control over your own anguish, and choose what sacrifices are worthy the cause.
Blissful and integral personal business/soulspace in life here I come.
2. Keep making music.
Hell yeah I did! I feel the yearly Inktober challenges are getting better by the year too - though I definitely still have a ways to go, especially in the production department, but there's more on route. More on that soon/as the New Year unfolds.
Not much more to write in regard to this one. I feel I managed alright. Been relatively consistent. You can hear if you listen. Not totally but appreciably.
Unlike last year both my PM and e-mail inboxes are definitely NOT empty, but I am currently juggling more dues than I think I did at that point, so maybe that's no detriment. Conversations are flowing and ongoing. I just need to close some for time to make the most won. I'll get to the others. The oldest message isn't more than 3-4 years at this point... *screech*
In regard to those private goals from 2016? Checked one more off the list yesterday. :) The big one. Just one more to go, and I think I'm getting there. So let's get back to that in another year. Six years a margin for makings that really matter... that wouldn't be all too bad. Conclusively though...
Three integral goals:
1. Get a stable secondary income, beyond my day job. I don't want to rely on any one thing too much, I'm not super happy with the current job, and I'm not sure it'll be around forever even if I was, so this seems like a good priority. The goal is to find some income stream on the side that might be able to sustain me entirely. Preferably one that requires little effort, or that I'm passionate about to the point it doesn't matter as much if it does.
2. Put out a finished body of audio unrelated to the Inktober verses, be that an album or mixtape. Something I'm proud of that encapsulates my current state of being and energy in sound and somehow furthers me.
3. Buy property or land. Anything goes here, however small! The goal is to get something I can call my own, that I can potentially fall back on if all the more superficial methods of investment some day lose their value.
Three less integral ones:
4. Participate in a demonstration for human rights and democracy. This seems all the more essential with the way the world's turning right now, and something I've been wanting to get into for some time. Activism. Not just saying and writing but actually doing something that can make a difference. May be a catalyst for more.
5. Make my current cellphone subscription free. Which I aim to do by - among other things - advertising this page on Google.
6. Update website infrastructure. This site is currently not entirely up-to-date as far as code standards and languages though, which is starting to pose a certain problem with certain frameworks it relies on, so I hope to do something about that this year.
I'm not all that proficient with code so this may be a real challenge, but hopefully it's possible. I don't want to sacrifice functionality in the process, just futureproof the site in its current and continual entirety.
Finally three ongoing habit-based goals (of which I've been going strong with two for a while now) but want to officially commit to here as well:
7. Cold showers every day, as long as I'm physically and mentally capable thereof. Covid couldn't stop me here and I don't plan to let anything get in my way again. I skipped a day last winter and that turned into months + depression, so I will to stay true to this routine no matter what.
8. Write something every day. Gotta keep verbal aptitude and inspiration alive too at all times! Whatever the form or cause of writing.
9. Get healthy. I'd like to be able to by the end of the year jog at least a Scandinavian mile (10 km), and do ten consecutive pull up's at any time.
In other words the #9 goal is to get in - and stay in - proper shape.
Maintain healthy physical habits and I too will feel healthy, and progress in all aspects of life. As Jocko would say: Stay on the path.
I have a one-month free gym card I plan to put to good use either this February or March, while winter's still in force and outdoor exercise not so easy. After that just have to keep going and never get stagnant/stuck in doors or mind too long.
That's all y'all. Here's to a Brand New Year full of fear and inhibition but also hope. Go challenge yourself. Don't just cope.
Turns out it wasn't just a cold Christmas, it was a covid one too!
Test results came in today.
If they'd have come in yesterday I might've been a bit more worried.
My mom was totally out of it, bedridden and shivery all day, but today she's up and about like usual. Eating cake. Drinking coffee. Also partaking in the supplementation bonanza I've been spearheading here - mainly for myself - the past week or so, but also not consuming only the things you should be consuming if you're focusing solely on your state of being and survival. So maybe survival's no longer an issue huh? *phew*. My dad caught this too but he didn't seem to get as big an initial backlash.
Considering how unreliable PCR tests tend to be I'm not entirely convinced this really is anything more than a common cold, but since that is what the test result showed I shall adhere to social recommendations anyway. Not meet people unnecessarily. Not go to work (calling in sick's becoming a bit of a problem when I can work from home though - suddenly there are no sick days at all unless you are really sick - but maybe this particular case could actually excuse certain short-term recuperation).
Can't go shopping either, which is unfortunate since we've run out of garlic and onions, somewhat central and helpful elements to speedy recovery. Still have some lemon and ginger though. They shall have to suffice. Home deliveries are possible but costly in the burbs. Would rather avoid.
So I'm sitting here trying to catch up on leftover 2021 dues I'd have liked to finish before 2022 comes along. Mom's watching Mr. Bean, and dad's in the kitchen prepping a platter of sandwiches with melted cheese - which aren't the healthiest dietary choice either but what can you do. Would've been ideal with at least some sliced up garlic there.
It seems this is how we'll be celebrating New Year this year. All hunkered down by our individual screens and/or papers/other pastimes.
But I do have one final goal before the New Year I am intent on accomplishing, and I'm almost there.
Two actually. Second one's not as important but it'd be nice to manage that one as well. It's a site-related one.
And there is a third, a musical project that seems to be set on the sidelines a bit until this other shizzle gets sorted, and I have the energy required to do what's required of me there.
Actually there are a couple other exciting prospects in line there, but that's something for next year. I'm excited anyhow. Things are happening.
Before then best recover fast and in full.
I've been sleeping for 9-10 hours the past couple nights, and managed to remove my socks in my sleep for two nights straight earlier on (meant to post an overly contemplative blog about that titled 'How To Remove Socks In Sleep') and woke up feeling amazingly well-rested and warm. Feels like initially wearing socks when you go to sleep that you then instinctively remove after a certain bodily warmth has been regained must provide certain advocable health benefit.
I still worked another two days this week, and we did celebrate Christmas last Sunday, and it was good, albeit a little tiresome - had to take a couple breaks amidst the present packing endeavours in particular - that shizzle wears you out, and I've been plowing through a backlog of at least 300-400 YT videos in the background whilst doing other dues since.
RIP also Café Mazarin. I drove by and bought one last cake there before they closed their doors for (hopefully not though - hope they'll be back) good. They've been the centrepiece café in this particular burb. Gluten-free alternatives. Everything made with real butter and cream. Not too pricey. Homely. Great people. Great place.
Maybe you'll remember them by this.
Their building's getting demolished now and they haven't found a replacement, thus the closing.
And that is all y'all. For now. Shall chronicle the proceeding recovery of me and my kin in greater detail as to assess if the purported threat level of this supposed pandemic really is justified, if this really has anything to do with it after all. See you in the New Year if not before.
Stay heathy; wealthy; eat some pie. Banzai.
Now this man can play. Self-composed. Self-imposed. Well-engrossed.
So I got a cold. Just in time for Christmas.
Had dinner at work with a colleague who sniffled and coughed a bit, and then 'Little Christmas' with a few relatives, of which the hostess of the party kept putting on a facemask during meal preparations and looking a little guilty - turned out she'd just caught a cold too, and this Tuesday I took the commuter train into the city to get a double serving (previously bought deal with upcoming expiration date) Cappuccino/Coconut gelato at the Gelato Ice Bar in Hötorget (tasted like good ice cream - not so much gelato), and had some sugary afternoon tea with my sister before commuting back out to Bro again. Where I then consumed an abundance of chocolate.
So here I am now, holed up for the holidays, feeling a little under the weather though looking back also aware there really were plentiful opportunities to catch this bug. And how weakened must our immune systems not be when we've been isolated as long as we have at this point.
I need to start eating a little dirt occasionally. Feed the microbiome; get my gut in shape again and this built-in disease shield functioning like it should.
The world outside currently looks like this though:
It snowed last night. The weather's beautiful and bright and icy and it seems we might be getting the first real white Christmas we've had in at least a few years. We'll be eating a proper Christmas dinner today and sharing well-wishes, but present packing and opening's been preemptively postponed till Sunday. Hopefully by then I'll be less contagious, so my sister can come over and unpack presents with us.
Felt pretty shitty about all this during the end of the work week when I felt it all coming on, but now that the Holidays are actually here, when time is free and I'm resting up albeit cheating a bit on said intended rest whilst by the computer... it doesn't feel so bad after all.
Usually festivities get a bit stressful, but with a cold there's implicitly always that element of rest. Gotta slow down a little, drink plenty of warm drinks, snuggle up and recover, that's how you do it down under.
Think I just might use this opportunity to catch up with the site a bit while I'm at it, come Monday it's back to the grind as usual.
Merry Christmas y'all.