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First Man On Mars (2016)

First Man On Mars (2016)

Here's a redneck version of The Martian. Sort of. Alien? Nah. It feels familiar though...

It's not a blockbuster movie by any measure, and the maybe only redeeming character in it is Porscha, played by Kelly Murtagh. But she's not one of the main characters. The main characters... well they're like redneck versions of regular redneck main characters.

It's an entertaining movie, with solid props (props on those, really!), and a style that seems to both mimic and pay homage to cheesy horror movies of old, but overall... it's bad. It's just bad. In such a good way. Old age of grindhouse back up in here YEAH!

I did have fun with this one, but sloppy acting, scripting and some scenes considered... I just can't rate it higher than

 rated 2/5: decent

But those props really were impressive.


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  1. S3C
    Friday Jan/18/2019

    lol what happened to the italics tag!! looks like it got flushed to the bottom of the page. same thing happened in the next movie reviews. posting in a legendary blogpost

  2. Cyber
    Friday Jan/18/2019

    Yupp, that's what happens when you leave an open tag somewhere... fixed now! Good catch. Other posts too hmm...

  3. Cyber
    Friday Jan/18/2019

    Oh hey....................................

  4. Cyber
    Friday Jan/18/2019

    I gotta use this more often...

  5. Cyber
    Friday Jan/18/2019

  6. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    what kind of sh*tty compiler allows for open italics tags

  7. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    eh seems the comment box automatically closes them...wait a sec i didn't realize code was allowed here

  8. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019


  9. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    color is power

    well, guess color doesn't work...tag gets deleted tho?

    attempt 2.
    [color=#808000]attempt 3 using bbcode or whatever[/color]

  10. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    what about arbitrary tags (not closed)
    now its closed

  11. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    ah, so the parser just reads '<' and . if it's valid html command (and permitted) the tag automatically closes. if it's not valid html, it's just ignored.

  12. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    wtf...i cant even type > in single quotes...

  13. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    last test before i get to my emojis work here 😅

  14. S3C
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    hehe cool...i prefer the official CyberD ones tho

  15. Cyber
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    Man the comment compiler's better than the real one. XD It might have to do with me turning off certain filters there as to make WP stop deleting certain bits of code I don't want to be deleted though... I guess that's why most people don't disable it though huh. Certain purpose.

  16. Cyber
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    Yupp yupp, only the basic ones are allowed. :) Everything else: gone. Security thing. Though I guess color would be OK. Might buff up the selection some time.

  17. Cyber
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    Heeey BBcode, that brings me back! :D

  18. Cyber
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    <clever> :P

  19. Cyber
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

    Also I really wonder what'll happen with emojis in the future... if they suddenly just drop support for those. I sometimes get blank messages on my cellphone where there's supposed to be an emoji. It's such a platform-dependent thing, and there's no alternative for it if it doesn't work. Either it shows up as a strange symbol or as nothing at all, no kind of <noscript> alternative.

    It shows up as an emoji via the admin too btw. No code. But it has to be stored in the database in some kind of text-based format so hmm, this requires further research...

    Good luck with yer studies too!

  20. Cyber
    Saturday Jan/19/2019

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