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Gluten Free (0:37)


I don't want to be this person no more!
I got a beef with my past I want to beat up this cast
I want to free myself from this war, this war against my mind
I try to leave it all behind
But it keeps coming back, it keeps coming back
I feel calm... to the point I'm having panic attacks
Don't know if I want to rage or if I want to cry
But I don't want to smile, I'm living in denial
I want to fight, I want to fight
But getting riled up doesn't make it right
It makes my head spin, it makes me dizzy
Getting dizzy makes me a sissy, makes my neck stiff
Makes my arm weak, makes me feel whoosy like I farm wheat
I'm gluten free I am no fool

Comments

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  1. S3C
    Friday Jun/9/2017

    i like wheat though!! if i was gluten-free i wouldn't be able to eat most things!

  2. Cyber
    Friday Jun/9/2017

    I liked wheat too! :/ Still can't perfectly emulate the airy, fluffy, subtly spongy, fresh feel of that kind of bread... but pretty close! There's alternate recipes for most things though, way more alternatives than I thought when I switched.

  3. S3C
    Friday Jun/9/2017

    true, lots of solid alternatives. but I like snacks and cereal...99% of them are made from enriched or whole wheat...(and in the 90s they used to be advertised as the healthy choice)

  4. Cyber
    Friday Jun/9/2017

    99%? Valid statistical fact? ;) I though most cereal was made from corn. Gluten-free. Oats and buckwheat are pretty common too. Muesli on the other hand... which is weird since oats taste pretty much the same, are cheaper, and healthier, and people would barely notice if they switched.

    Yeah wheat in itself isn't bad, it's the process it's gone through over the years that made it to what it is. If everybody stuck with dinkel wheat I don't think there'd be such widespread problems with gluten intolerance. It's the new version that breaks down gut lining, causes inflammations, etcetc. All those good things that were good until humans came around and decided to 'improve' them. :/

  5. S3C
    Tuesday Feb/11/2020

    Guess i should have counted my chickens back then...

    *me at a diner in the middle of nowhere*

    Me: do u have any gluten free items
    Waiter: *looks confused* well sure, most of these salads, we can get you one without chicken
    Me: gluten is wheat
    Waiter: hmmm...what about spaghetti?
    Me: noodles are made from wheat
    Waiter: ...
    Me: I'll take a salad plz
    Waiter: *comes back with salad, with a large piece of toast on top* I know you said no wheat, this is white bread
    Me: *somewhat nervously laughing* white bread is made with wheat
    Waiter: *looking perplexed* you can't eat bread!?

    well at one point I was this ignorant too...

  6. Cyber
    Tuesday Feb/11/2020

    True story? Man, a diner today that hasn't had a gluten-free customer yet... must be a small town. :) Thanks for the entertainment. Also hope it ended well. Did you still eat the salad, just remove the bread?

    Btw just haveta mention: noodles were traditionally made of rice or mung beans I believe, it's only newer/cheaper types that are wheat (and pasta of course). Transparent ones should be good to go. Not relevant to the waiter conversation of course but yeah...

  7. S3C
    Tuesday Feb/11/2020

    It's fairly small, but it's rustic. Gluten sensitivity is rather new aged and urban. They have heard of the word gluten, but conflate it as some variation of vegetarianism or veganism. I ate the salad but removed the bread. Hopefully not enough cross contamination to trigger and upset. I guess I should count my chickens again that I have a general sensitivity and not celiac disease...

    For real? Even Asian noodles? Rice noodles usually available there, but seems like the standard Asian noodle is wheat based.

  8. Cyber
    Tuesday Feb/11/2020

    I suppose Sweden may be a bit further ahead then, it's not just trending in the big city here, but even out in those nowhere places. I've yet to come across one that doesn't at least politely inform that unfortunately there's no such alternative. Assumed it was the same everywhere in the Western world but maybe not...

    Was it by any chance also a Caesar salad, with chicken? Interesting expression that is.

    Actually... my bad. I'd assumed it was since they have such a rich tradition of rice farming, and especially in Japan it's common with all types of dough and candy made with mung beans, bread too, but according to Google...

    Rice noodles originated during the Qin dynasty (259–210 b.c.) and have been consumed for more than 2,000 years in China. Historical records suggest that when people from northern China invaded the south, they preferred noodles made from wheat flour because they were not accustomed to eating rice.

    Apparently wheat has been around for over ten thousand years. But maybe things were different with Japan/Korea/other regions...

  9. S3C
    Tuesday Feb/11/2020

    It was a chicken garden salad. Iceberg instead of romaine. Shredded carrots. Purple cabbage. Black olives. Bacon. Roma Tomatoes. Italian dressing. No cheese.

    Got damn Northern Chinese!

  10. Cyber
    Tuesday Feb/11/2020

    Ah nice. Never tasted one exactly like that, with or without the chicken.

    Seems like the wild peeps have always been in the North huh.

  11. S3C
    Sunday Feb/23/2020

    another story of gluten free traveling:

    *me at Asian diner*

    Me: do you guys have any gluten-free options
    Asian Manager: ??? Grill crose at 6 o'crock. Me seat you at diner okay?
    Me: *realizing waitress doesn't understand my question, pull out Mandarin gluten-free card*
    Asian Manager: *cold-stare turns into ear wide grin* Oh yeah! Me rove you rong time! Me cook gruten free for you!
    Me: I'll take edamame(soy), beef and broccoli, and a large coke please

    *After a short wait, an Asian Waitress comes back with meal*
    *Begins to pour soy sauce on edamame, before I stop her*
    Asian Waitress: You eat soy bean, but no soy sauce. You American make no sense!
    Me: This soy sauce is made with wheat

    *Proceed to drink Coke, but notice a noodle floating in the beverage*

    Asian Manager: *giggling* Me Chinese, me pray joke, me put nooder in your Coke!
    Me: Me American cowboy, me draw fast, me put bullet in your @ss

    Before I can draw however, the row of Asian waiters(esses) observing at the back of the room jump towards me in a ninja formation, pinning me to the floor. One of the waiter/ninjas pries open my mouth, while the Asian Manager begins to pour out soy sauce from the bottle. I'm able to move my head just in time and a few droplets hit the nape of my neck, singing the flesh like a vampire in the sunlight.

    Asian Waitress: Sank you for coming. Now open wide and drink soy sauce!
    Me: Sank you!? Don't talk sh!t about Pearl Harbor b*tch

    Past memories of fallen comrades gives me the strength to turn into Super-Saiyan mode, the surrounding energy blast sends the ninja-hybrids flying into the wall. The Asian waitress runs away as I prepare a Kame-hame-ha ball.

    Asian Chef, breaking fourth wall: Excuser me! Pearr Harbor commit by Japan pig.
    Me: oh

  12. Cyber
    Sunday Feb/23/2020

    You should put some of this stuff up on your blog too! Memories of days when it wasn't all existential and serious but oftentimes shizzle like this... though of course, it wasn't all gluten-free humor back then. I feel like the diet might have pushed your writing to a new level here...

    I started doubting the authenticity of this with the "Me rove you rong time" line btw but... how much is real? Any? You know it's good writing when you're not entirely sure.

  13. S3C
    Sunday Feb/23/2020

    hmmm...I'll consider it, it would probably fare a bit better on the forums over my blog though.

    It's pretty much entirely false. It wasn't even a Chinese restaurant, but a Japanese Teppanyaki grill. The manager barely spoke English, but knew right away what 'gluten-free' entailed. When they came out with my meal, they where cognizant of which items contained gluten and made sure to exclude them (miso soup and peanut sauce). Though it is true that waiters stand at watch in the back of the restaurant, waiting to receive requests from customers or chefs' finished meals.

  14. Cyber
    Monday Feb/24/2020

    Probably yupp, always more of a response there, though potential for certain anti anti-gluten backlash too, disbelievers of the health-benefitting trend then...

    Oh that's nice. Props to them. Curious now if there have been gluten-avoiding groups over in Japan a long time already... they do have plenty of alternatives. Always figured them for a somewhat health-related people, though the Western mirroring of their food doesn't always do it justice. Like everything else.



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