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I'm Off

Tomorrow! To the North! To our fated summer days before the summer really springs to grace at our summerplace...

Feeling kind of melancholy for some reason though. Maybe because it'll be such a short trip, maybe because I don't really feel at peace with all the dues I have here, but maybe actually because I do, and this is how you feel when you relax after a big wave of tension? It's been a lot this last week. And weekend. Pressure levels on the level I imagine some people might've been living with all through this pandemic; that I might not have been able to properly imagine before this...

My confidence levels feel lower. Sense of purpose lower. Sensations of exhilaration over the trip. Life force and all. Lower. I feel like either I just want a good night's sleep or I want to get out of here ASAP. Flee the burdens I associate with this place and find some people...

I meant to write peace there actually. Subconscious saying differently?

Is it all that bad though? Don't know. If I rest up maybe this'll let up. Maybe it's just tonight, after a long week and then some with no proper winding down.

I'm logging off for tonight now, and for the rest of the week! See y'all in a bit. When I'm back again and maybe: got a grip.

Comments

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  1. S3C
    Tuesday Jun/8/2021

    And I'm on...maybe. haven't decided yet.

    On CyberD. Cardinally- who knows?

    Feeling kind of melancholy for some reason though. Maybe because it was for (my parents) short trip, maybe it's because of repressed Baptist guilt I tend to feel when alone, which is 95% of the time these days- maybe it's because the lack of melons in my life (I mean that in two ways). 'Vacation' has an ambiguous, perverted meaning. Vacation is traditionally a simple shift of work- time off from society, to work on yourself, your family, your home- literally in the old days and in your current situation, extended breaks where intended for 'tend the farms & fields' type duties. Not necessarily a time to relax. Relaxation can be depressing. Kinda overrated. How can I relax when I have to stare at my inner monologue. Now THAT is tiresome. Its better for my mental health to spend time in a garden than wallowing on the computer all day.

    My confidence is low: self-purpose, perhaps because these burdens are my own.I want a good night's sleep AND to get out of here ASAP. If I can only choose 1, how about the former...find what people?

    I meant to write *peace out* here actually. Subconsciously saying different?

    Is it all that bad though? Number 60: It's All Good...Don't smack my @ss off...cough. Was that Covid or just a cold: Nahah. Those that think they have the facts are racist, hahah...

    I may be logging on for today, tonight, and the now: and for the rest of indefinitely. See you in a bit. When you're back maybe I'll have a grip (I mean that in two ways).

  2. S3C
    Tuesday Jun/8/2021

    double posting cuz it said my token expired: who knows??

    And I'm on...maybe. haven't decided yet.

    On CyberD. Cardinally- who knows?

    Feeling kind of melancholy for some reason though. Maybe because it was for (my parents) short trip, maybe it's because of repressed Baptist guilt I tend to feel when alone, which is 95% of the time these days- maybe it's because the lack of melons in my life (I mean that in two ways). 'Vacation' has an ambiguous, perverted meaning. Vacation is traditionally a simple shift of work- time off from society, to work on yourself, your family, your home- literally in the old days and in your current situation, extended breaks where intended for 'tend the farms & fields' type duties. Not necessarily a time to relax. Relaxation can be depressing. Kinda overrated. How can I relax when I have to stare at my inner monologue. Now THAT is tiresome. Its better for my mental health to spend time in a garden than wallowing on the computer all day.

    My confidence is low: self-purpose, perhaps because these burdens are my own.I want a good night's sleep AND to get out of here ASAP. If I can only choose 1, how about the former...find what people?

    I meant to write *peace out* here actually. Subconsciously saying different?

    Is it all that bad though? Number 60: It's All Good...Don't smack my @ss off...cough. Was that Covid or just a cold: Nahah. Those that think they have the facts are racist, hahah...

    I may be logging on for today, tonight, and the now: and for the rest of indefinitely. See you in a bit. When you're back maybe I'll have a grip (I mean that in two ways).

  3. Cyber
    Wednesday Jun/9/2021

    You're here for a moment at least; that's all that matters. :) Welcome back! Coincidentally my flight came in yesterday.

    Tender melons would be nice hmm. Have eaten a lot of watermelon lately, but I wonder how life would be with a wife. A family that reflects the one I grew up in. That made me feel valuable; might make me feel something. Some purpose and loving. Get out of myself. To learn how we function... maybe don't relate to that Baptist guilt but similar scenario otherwise hmm-

    Ah that's interesting. On topic of our vacationing history. I didn't know that. I agree. To some extent. Occasionally I feel you do need a break entirely, as I feel like I really maybe really do lately, seems I'm always on edge even when things are shifting for the better, but physical work is so different from the digital. I know we've spoken a bundle on it before but for anyone else reading: cognitive function, chemicals like serotonin and endorphin getting released as you tend to said dues, being able to see a material imprint of your accomplishments manifest for real as you manage them... and time seems to slow down.

    Season must be coupled to a sense of betterment too. More sun. Bare feet. Negative ions. Cold swims. Oxygenated blood. Summer has so many benefits. Though this year also more mosquito than I've experienced for some time. Indeed garden time feels like calming time. But I need more than a long weekend I think. Next up's July...

    Regarding staring at that inner monologue: this denial is something I feel like I have to get rid of eventually. Can only distract myself for so long. The sense of disassociation and wrong will undoubtedly break through all the more ferociously the more I try to bottle it up, and shake the bottle, a carbonated mistrust and guidance.

    This is why I love Creative Commons. :')

    Have gripped some melons, hopefully? I hope you too feel dope and glee. Regain hope and flee whatever schemes you know you'd be better offing. And grow hard to slowly soften. Like: toughen up to find yourself. Why else would I be climbing to this higher shelf when it can at any moment topple? But like Six-String Samurai (1998) says: get ready to rock y'all.

  4. deadskoo
    Thursday Jun/17/2021

    You guys sure like typing alot

    lol

  5. Cyber
    Thursday Jun/17/2021

    Heeey welcome back to you too deadskoo!

    It's a passion yupp, personally at least, for purpose and for feast, for persevering here in whilst being self-evasive to say the least! :P



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