Attributed to Reverend Spooner :

“Three cheers for our queer old dean!”

“It is kisstomary to cuss the bride.”

“Those girls are sin twisters.”

“Is the bean dizzy?”

“The Lord is a shoving leopard.”

“When the boys come back from France, we’ll have the hags flung out.”

“Let me sew you to your sheet.”

“The enemy fled quickly from the ears and sparrows.”

“She joins this club over my bed doddy.”

“The old revival hymn, ‘Shall We Rather At the Giver?'”

“There is no peace in a home where a dinner swells.”

“I see before me tons of soil.” — A greeting to a group of farmers; he meant to say, “sons of toil.”

“We all know what it is to have a half-warmed fish inside us.” — A statement made when he meant to say, “Half-formed wish.”

“You have hissed my mystery lectures; you have tasted the whole worm.”

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Be Quite. No shouting allowed!