Questions Asked of Park Rangers

Everglades National Park:

“Are the alligators real?”

“Are the baby alligators for sale?”

“Where are the rides?”

“What time does the two o’clock bus leave?”


Grand Canyon National Park:

“Was this man-made?”

“Do you light it up at night?”

“I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom — where is it?”

“Is the mule train air conditioned?”

“So where are the faces of the presidents?”

“So is that Canada over there?”


Denali National Park:

“What time to you feed the bears?”

“What’s so wonderful about Wonder Lake?”

“Can you show me where the Yeti lives?”

“How often do you mow the tundra?”


Mesa Verde National Park:

“Did people build this, or did Indians?”

“Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?”

“Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?”

“Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?”


Yellowstone National Park:

“Does Old Faithful erupt at night?”

“Do you put the animals away at night?”

“How do you turn it on?”

“When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?”


Carlsbad Caverns National Park:

“How much of the cave is underground?”

“So what’s in the unexplored part of the cave?”

“Does it ever rain in here?”

“So what is this — just a hole in the ground?”


Yosemite National Park:

“Where are the cages for the animals?”

“What time of year do you turn on Yosemite Falls?”

“What happened to the other half of Half Dome?”

“Can I get a picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?”


Banff National Park:

“Is that food coloring in the lakes?”

“When did you build the glaciers?”

“How much for a moose?”

“Where are the igloos?”

“How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the Elk Crossing signs?”

“At what elevation does an elk become a moose?”

“Are the bears with collars tame?”

“Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?”

“Is it ok to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?”

“Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?”

“Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?”

“How far is Banff from Canada?”

“What’s the best way to see Canada in a day?”

“When we enter British Columbia, do we have to convert our money to British pounds?”

“Where can I buy a raccoon hat? All Canadians own one, don’t they?”

“Are there phones in Banff?”

“So it’s eight kilometers away. Is that in miles?”

“We’re on the decibel system, you know.”

“Is that two kilometers by foot or by car?”

“Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?”

“Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?”

“Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?”

“If I go to British Columbia, do I have to go through Ontario?”

“Do they search you at the British Columbia border?”

“Are there birds in Canada?”

“I saw an animal on the way to Banff today. Could you tell me what it was?”

“How do you pronounce ‘Elk’?” / “‘Elk.'” / “Oh.”

“Where can I get my husband really, REALLY lost?”


Glacier National Park:

“When do the deer become elk?”

“When do the glaciers go by?”


Isle Royale National Park:

“I just saw the ugliest horse I’ve ever seen.” — After seeing a moose.


Sutter’s Fort State Historic Park, Sacramento

“Where are the tracks the wagon trains ran on?”

“Where do you cook?” / “We cook over the fire here.” / “Don’t your pans melt?”

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