Questions Asked of Librarians

“I’m looking for a book.”

“Do you have books here?”

“Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?”

“Do you have a list of all the books I’ve ever read?”

“I’m looking for Robert James Waller’s book, ‘Waltzing through Grand Rapids.” — The actual title is “Slow Waltz In Cedar Bend.”

“Where is the reference desk?” — Asked of a worker sitting at a desk, over which was a sign saying ‘REFERENCE DESK’.

“Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?”

“Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?”

“I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?”

“I need a color photograph of George Washington.” — Other individuals asked for, by other patrons, are Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, and more.

“Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?”

“I’m looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I’m having trouble with it in my neck.”

“Is the basement upstairs?”

“I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.”

“I got a quote from a book I turned in last week but I forgot to write down the author and title. It’s big and red, and I found it on the top shelf. Can you find it for me?”

“Do you have anything good to read?” — The response was, “No, ma’am. I’m afraid we have 75,000 books, and they’re all duds.”


Library Anecdote:

Patron: “I am looking for a globe of the earth.”
Librarian: “We have a table-top model over here.”
Patron: “No, that’s not good enough. Don’t you have a life-size?”
Librarian: (pause) “Yes, but it’s in use right now.”

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