Good News & Bad News in Religion

Good News : You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News : You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News : The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News : The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News : The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News : They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News : You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News : The choir mutinied.

Good News : Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News : Mrs. Jones is also wild about the “Gong Show,” “Beavis and Butthead” and “Texas Chain Saw Massacre.”

Good News : Your women’s softball team finally won a game.
Bad News : They beat your men’s softball team.

Good News : The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News : They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.

Good News : Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News : You were on vacation.

Good News : Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News : They are stalling until the next war.

Good News : Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News : He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.

Good News : The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News : It’s in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to “decorate” your house.

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