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Break Night (2017)

Break Night (2017)

You really gotta let yourself sink into this one! Let time go. Join in with the characters, sit in the room with them, and journey through the motions together.

I was going to write something along the lines of: The acts good. The dialog's good. The looks good. The angles. The everything about it but: too much talking. Sometimes it almost comes across as comedy. Sometimes it's just too dramatic. But sometimes... it really works.

It's a cops and robbers story that's maybe more like book than movie. Maybe it was based upon one. It takes a while to like, but when it's all over I'm glad I took that time! If you've read the Parker books you might recognize something in this. Some semblance of the same gritty crazy and uncompromising.

In the end: way better than I thought it'd be.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Doghouse (2009)

Doghouse (2009)

Here's a movie about a gang who goes to a remote town to get away from girls, to which one of them just recently broke up, only the town's full of them, and they're all zombies.

I can't help wonder why Neal (Danny Dyer) keeps getting good guy roles where he looks like a maniac, but other than that it's a good movie. The gore's realistic. The action is - sometimes - pretty cool. And yet when it's said and done it comes off feeling a bit like a Shaun of the Dead rip-off. Like they tried to ride that wave a bit with something new, but didn't really have enough water.

Maybe the sex appeal wasn't enough. Maybe the mutation was too much. It feels like a good kind of grimy that way too - a true B-movie - and yet it was just not as wholesome as it could have been.

Wish they'd taken it that extra step of perfection. Could've been a cult one.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Reality Queen! (2019)

Reality Queen! (2019)

Here's a parody documentary about a fictional Paris Hilton look-alike, who turns out to be a lot more than her superficial facade lets on, all the while beaming sex appeal and stupidity. It's the main appeal of the movie, the appeal, and the second bit makes for sometimes a smile and sometimes just not-all-that-funny comedy. It's like there's a clash in focus. Can it be both sexy AND fun? Well yes, it can. Look at Scary Movie.

Maybe they just don't want to take it all the way here, even though it seems to be that all-the-way kind of film. They walk a balanced path. Like they want to make fun of the characters, and yet they don't want to degrade them entirely. Part of me appreciates the decision to keep it somewhat classy. Part of me is a bit disappointed.

Yet when it's over I'm still pleasantly surprised. It had me entertained, and not just entertained but: charmed. I wonder if Paris might've been sponsored this. I feel compelled to Google. If she's anything like London, then she really might not be so bad after all.

 rated 3/5: not bad

The Brothers Grimsby (2016)

The Brothers Grimsby (2016)

Sasha Cohen, ladies and gentlemen! There's really nobody like him. In a spy movie starring a 'football hooligan' who just so happens to run into his long-distanced top spy brother, and team up on an epic mission that takes them to the savannas of Africa, and beyond.

I found out about this movie via the notorious elephant scene (though it wasn't so notorious that I found out about it until now - Google it with care if it wasn't previously notorious for you either - NSFW), and as always it manages to surprise in so many areas, and even after seeming to stoop the lowest possible points of comedy it has you both chained and shying away until the very end of it.

As *I can't remember who I was going to paraphrase here anymore* says: Cohen really fills a hole in the cinema world right now. There's crude, but there's no one quite as dedicated or craftful.

What I'm really surprised about is how he manages to get people like Mark Strong, IRebel Wilson, Scott Adkins, Penélope Cruz (!)and Isla Fisher to follow along in his crazy movies! It feels like the landscape of mainstream cinema must have changed a bit to allow for things like this. You'd think they might not want that in their careers, but it's a particular form of greatness, it is. And maybe for Penélope in particular it was Sausage Party that opened the floodgates.

But hey, I'm part of those Fast & Furious franchise keep-alivers too! No shame. This was great.

 rated 3.5/5: not bad at all

Female Werewolf (2015)

Female Werewolf (2015)

Artsy movie. Blood, slow motion, oversaturated purple light, dramatic music, monotone office sequences, hunger and sex. But not really sex. And how are fangs characterized by a werewolf? Isn't she more like a vampire? No dice since she's out in daylight?

There's no script. Words don't seem necessary. I didn't really feel this, but I guess it did captivate, a bit. Office girl did alright.

 rated 1.5/5: almost decent

The Neighbor (2016)

The Neighbor (2016)

Set in Cutter Mississippi, the film follows a man who discovers the dark truth about his neighbor and the secrets he may be keeping in the cellar.

I do like a story with unorthodox heroes! And a gritty, grimy, thriller/horror movie combo like this one... it really ain't bad.

The filming's nothing special - maybe that's the way they want it to feel - but the tension's perceptible, the props look real, and when the time is passed it seems like it all took way less time than you expected it to. I guess it's a good one after all! Simple, gritty, but not too predictable after all.

 rated 3.5/5: not bad at all

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