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Return To Blood Fart Lake (2012)

Return To Blood Fart Lake (2012)

Well this was a corny movie. Literally. Corn, cornholes and corny comedy/horror intertwined.

The theatrics are strong (also not necessarily a good thing), though the filming is bleak, and the music occasional, and the intrigue... well, it's so bad it's almost not that bad. Is it OK to rate this this low?

I want to give it a two cause somehow I did keep watching it, but it just doesn't seem worth it. It beckons to your simpler side. It does. All the way through I kept hoping it'd get better, and it never did, but I can't help not be entertained by the heavy theatrics. It's almost more theater than movie sometimes. The entertainment value lies with the expressions, and with the poster girl... I'm not sure who she is. The actors aren't yet known enough to have their photos shown on IMDB. She's the one on the cover anyway.

Overall it's a pretty shitty movie, albeit with a still entertaining theatrical B-movie vibe. The title shouldn't have you expecting too much. Watch if you will. If you're easy to entertain, and if this is the type of entertainment you wish to partake in. Why not. Maybe some day I shall partake in the original too.


The Reunion (2011)

The Reunion (2011)

It's Four Brothers WWE style! Only it's just three brothers. And one of them doesn't die. And rather than bring them all together, their mom has kept them apart, but as her dying wish she wants them to reconsolidate. And it's not a mom: it's a dad.

It's not really comparable, but it feels like a familiar idea. Three guys go on an adventure in Mexico, bounty-hunting, and do some girl-chasing and what-not on the same. It's an entertaining venture with a few bouts of action, not with the best actors but with good personalities, and a showdown to look forward to. It's almost a little Western-ish, too.

John Cena's the main name here, and Amy Smart seems to be the name-from-outside-WWE (she plays a minor and not entirely convincing role - but it was fun to see her in the mix). But none of the dudes were bad. Boyd Holbrook in particular turned out a very likable dude. Reminds me of Kurt Cobain.

What are the 3 of us gonna do together for 2 years without killing each other?

There's a summative quote for you. ;) It's good fun, and well-filmed. Not bad at all.

 rated 3/5: not bad

The Marine 3 - Homefront (2013)

The Marine 3 - Homefront (2013)

Feels like this was the last one before they found their way again. The second was the one with the same story, and formula, and this was the one without a number as to maybe not make it seem like just a sequel - just in case it wouldn't hold, all the while trying to abide to the same story as the last one but with a few new twists? It feels a bit like a half-assed attempt, but after (and with) this they were definitely back on track.

And this is where Mike 'The Miz' Mizanin is first introduced. He takes over the lead role from here on out, and it's a solid introduction. He goes all in from the very first movie, and finally we have a valid replacement for the original Cena. Neal McDonough plays the villain too, and a good one at that. One somewhat big name for each of the first three.

The movie does follow a similar route as the previous did, combining elements from both the first two with 1.) Big heist and 2.) Idealistic terrorists, and the marine coming home... all of those same old same old things, but this time it reintroduces them in a good way.


There's a bit more focus on the family, locations switch up a bit, and the action choreography is definitely moving up again too. It feels like The Miz takes some real risks in some scenes. He really does his character justice as: that guy who just gives his all for those he loves. And the main location being a run-down boat feels like a refreshing change of scenery; somewhat similar to the exotic but dangerous swamps of the first.

It feels like a new beginning, and I'm happy to say the sequels played out well from here on out. Good cast, good action, though maybe still a bit tighter a budget than the first... but it's good enough. It's a solid.

That intro too. It almost has me starting to like Country.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

The Marine 2 (2009)

The Marine 2 (2009)

The second one's the terrorist one. The main actor's changed from John Cena to Ted DiBiase Jr, who isnt bad, but it's a noticeable downgrade to me, and the budget doesn't seem quite on par with the last one either. They're in a cheaper location - exotic resort though it may be, and don't move around enough to give it the same variation or sense of pace as last time. And the main dude just doesn't have the same pondus.

There is Michael Rooker, though! Props on bringing in one of those guys that really contribute to whatever movie they're a part of. His is a minor role but a well-played one.

In the end you know how it goes. The Marine loses his wife, goes all out Rambo, gets her back and saves the day, and has a tough time doing so.

It's not the most inventive progression, but there's nothing wrong with the action, even if the choreography isn't all as polished as it was last time around, the explosions are fewer, and there are no cars. Not that the latter bit's a bad thing - though I guess I miss the more vehicular chase.

It also starts with a flashback and quick relational bonding, just like last time, and pretty much follows the exact same formula until the end. That it's a fancy island resort doesn't help. It feels used already.

I'm not impressed with the filming, nor with the actors, nor with the story, and I'm pretty surprised that the rating even comes close to the last one. Misleading score or no, though, I guess they learned to mix things up a bit after this, and for what it's worth it's a decent second take. It's just not new, and not better, and it doesn't even have Cena.

 rated 3/5: not bad

The Marine (2006)

The Marine (2006)

Somewhere in the sunny state of South Carolina a marine returns home to his loving wife. Somewhere else a gang of thugs steal twelve millions worth of diamonds, killing three people in the process. And somewhere along the line the fates of these two coincide, when on the run the criminals - led by the charmingly psychotic Rome (Robert Patrick), kidnap this marine man's wife and drive away with her hostage.

An explosive showcase of action follows, with car chases that could almost rival the Bad Boys one, and fiery finales for each segment of The Marine's race against time; to save his wife. His name's John btw. John Cena.

The plot, pace and choreography are on a whole other level than the sequels with this one, not just in regard to how it's done, or the cast, but in the budgeting everywhere. It shows not just in how polished the pandemonium is, but in the surplus of wrecked cars and blown-up houses along the road, already worn out ones or no.

It's impressive.

John Cena plays the main role with conviction - no matter what other reviewers seem to say about that, and makes this one movie really stand out before the sequels. Can't take all the credit away from the successors, cause they were badass too, but just imagine what it could've been like with Cena through all the sequels! And the girl. And villains like Rome (the one disappointment I have is that he loses his intimidation factor as the plot rolls along - entertaining as some bits may be) and a budget like this.

Overall this might be one of my favorite action movies of all time. It's not the deepest, and not the darkest, but definitely one of the most ferocious ones, even with the calmer phases between showdowns.

I'm not sure I knew about Cena the first time I watched this, but I'm definitely a fan now. He has the perfect personality for this kind of role. Gladiator. Fighter. Fearless action hero.

For those who love action: this is it.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Valkyrie (2008)

Valkyrie (2008)

This one tells a different tale of the second World War. The tale of Germans who fought Germans. A plot to assassinate Hitler... well, one of many. How it started, how it stalled, and how it ended, and Tom Cruise plays the main Colonel. Or at least the movie portrays him as the main one.

As always there's just something about WW2 movies! This one's no different. It may be more. It may be more realistic. It may be less. It may be more explosive. It may be more focused on the intrigue than the trenches - the finer parts of the country, like the Wolf's Lair, but what a brooding they build! And what an aura around the one and only. Say what evil you may say about him but he had a special kind of stature. He exuded fear, and respect, and loyalty... and kindness to those he held close. To those who did his bidding. To those who shared his dream.

I don't mean to sound supremacist here, but they conveyed that bit so well in the movie, and the fascination surrounding his persona is a large part in why these war movies still hold such appeal. Each meeting made you really sit at the edge of your seat, and it wasn't only because there was a plot to kill him involved with each one, either.

The irony that he commended his assassin... that's the one part I wonder about. Was it true? Was it just a little bit of mockery they decided to sneak into the movie, against the authenticity overall? Seems unfitting.

It was a great one otherwise. One that really takes the war from another angle. From the heart of Germany. From behind the drawing board. From a segregated nation that refused to stay idle even before they lost their war.

Maybe I should rate this higher...

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

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