It struck me, as I was considering how long the tube of toothpaste I have in the upper bathroom will last, that I worry about too many things, and that this probably takes some focus from what matters more in life; what I should really prioritize.
I'm good at focusing in some ways.
Like I'm good at staring at the screen on end for almost immeasurable segments of time, but I'm bad at focus when it maybe matters more, like in being able to focus on physical self-improvement, and to instead routinely look away from said computer, so that I can *paradoxically? Is that an applicable word here?* stay with the bite-sized lifestyle long long-term.
The toothpaste thing is one of many things I assume I focus too much on, though when I consider writing up a list of other unnecessary things I focus on during a regular day I'm not positively overwhelmed by the thought of it. It seems an unnecessary focus also.
A lot of these focuses would probably shift to more important things automatically if there was less reason for them though.
In the case of the toothpaste for example, the only reason I care how long the tube lasts, is because I know the price of a new one.
I don't ration toothpaste to save on expenses per se, but I don't use it excessively. A tube lasts a long time, and so these particular costs are few and far between, and that's a good thing, and it also thus seems a bit odd I'd think more frequently about my toothpaste duration than that of say a carton of milk or a box of coffee.
Do I focus unnecessarily on those too? No doubt I do. Just probably not for as long a duration - cause they're not as durable - and thus maybe I don't recall the focus being as re-occurring a thing.
Maybe I do actually think less of items with a shorter shelf-life though. Since they're bought to be perishables anyway, they can't be rationed the same way...
If I lived in financial surplus I can't imagine myself thinking about how long my toothpaste will last at all though. I'd stock up on toothpaste instead, and so for a foreseeable amount of time I wouldn't need to think about this particular thing. And it never expires. I can stock a lot.
One of the luxuries - in fact maybe the only truly life-altering luxury you can afford when you're swimming in money, I hear, is not having to worry about basic amenities and purchases.
Not food, not gas, not rent, not any necessities you otherwise take care to constantly budgetize for.
The focus on constraints seems then no longer necessary, unless you're totally oblivious as to the value of coin and have the ability to waste it all on nothing, which I imagine I do not. I've always been very conscious. I've always opted for savings over experiences, though that seems to have been changing lately, and it's probably also been making me a bit more stressed about a financial situation that thus seems more out of control...
If you go +/- 0 though it's fine, right? That's the norm, right?
It's never been mine. I've always preferred to stash away for rainy days. So a lack of surplus to stash unnerves me, and makes me feel like I am living beyond my financial means, though I'm really just living in the edge of them. Contained. Fully aware. On the edge, with less room for err.
But that's not ideal neither for peace or mind nor longevity, I need to do something about that....
And the focus thing? And I need to do something about that.
Maybe it's a common thing to do if you're creative too. To pay attention to details that don't matter. But it's definitely possible also to pay attention to details that don't matter that don't matter, not just the ones that you find a strange kind of satisfaction in noticing, that make you feel like you suddenly know an old friend's been living next door to you your whole life.
There's a familiarity to details that you've perceived to be there without knowing, that being made aware of makes rewarding in a special way, and nothing brings out that perception better than a strange association, in senses or memories, like how for example snow feels like cold alcohol swabs of cotton on your skin, before they melt away...
You'd never considered the association before had you? And yet it matches, if you've ever taken a blood sample, and lived in snow, and have the associations to match. Both the memory and the sensation, and the two go together in a strange and beautiful way, building something new on a connection you never expected there to be.
Everything's related in some way...
And what about when it comes to focus huh?
I'm getting out of mine entirely. Where was I going with this. I have no idea. I stayed up till 5:40 AM last night reading a remarkably good book though, and I am both oddly refreshed even though I've barely slept, and a little hazy. And inspired. That what was I was about to say.
Just focus on the right things! And go about your day.