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Sometimes You Find Yourself...

Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere. And that's where you find yourself.

Fallout At The Movies!

I got into the Fallout games again just recently (first experience was so so), but they've been around a looong time! This time I enjoyed 'em, and I've grown to appreciate the depth of lore that's associated with them too. And how flexible the world is. How countless the opportunities that present themselves really are. So I'm hyped for this!

Though cautiously optimistic too. The trailer's promising, but with a game that consists of so countless opportunities, I wonder how things will play out in a so much more linear, and comparatively short-form media form. Hollywood rarely does a good game justice too...

Hope this one's an exception.

An Inconspicuous Ankle Sprain Sunday

So I was sitting by the computer this morning, minding my dues as I usually do on mornings, with my left leg comfortably folded beneath my right leg, and was just about to head downstairs to do all further dues I cannot do by the computer, like trim a black current tree (it's Spring) and get some air.

To complicate simple matters my left foot had apparently fallen asleep, without my noticing, and as I stood up my left leg gave out on me.
I stumbled, and to keep from falling instinctively slammed down my left foot again, not yet noticing it folded inwards in its dormant state, and was the reason I was in this very unnecessary predicament in the first place.

And so, I found myself suddenly sitting on the floor with a rapidly swelling ankle, and a deja-vu like pain reminiscent of that one time now long ago (twenty year anniversary next year!) when right after I dislocated a knee in Jujitsu practice, had jumped down the stairs and - in a similarly stupid manner - sprained this same foot on the way to answer the phone...

The swelling's subsided somewhat. I can put pressure on the foot without considerable pain, so a doctor visit may not be necessary this time at least. I rested a bit to reduce initial swelling, applied some Arnica ointment (which by the way Weleda has for some reason stopped making - stock up while you can), and am back on my feet again, but I wonder if it's a good idea to go to work tomorrow.

I most probably definitely won't take the long walk I'd planned today, on which we'd intended to gather some birch sprouts on branches for upcoming Easter festivities. Maybe with a crutch huh. I have game development dues to do so I'll be sitting by the computer a lot today regardless, but this ankle's throbbing y'all...

Hadn't intended to spend this day on such a trivial mishap! But fun fact: Google translates påskris (Easter twigs) as Easter crisis.

Fingers crossed this sprain thang subsides quick.

Have a better Sunday y'all.

We Were Young

We're still young though! Never too late to change the world.

On Productivity

I need to write a bit.

On productivity, and the work process as I currently perceive it, as to maybe better understand and come to terms with how to properly tackle tasks at hand.

These are the fundementals, as I understand them:

If you like what you're doing, then it's easier to do.

If you know what you're doing, then you feel like you're in control.

If you feel like you're in control, then you don't get stressed so easily. Even with deadlines. Then you know how long you need. Then you know what the next step is. Then you can plan ahead and be proficient, and the sense of control will lead you onwards, and even if you don't like the task at hand you probably like the feeling that being in control of that task entails.

If you just get started with said task, stress levels at least temporarily dissipate too, whether you feel like you're in control or no. Until you stop, at which point you will probably re-evaluate your progress, and if you then don't feel in control possibly also re-establish earlier levels of stress.

If you don't get started in the first place, you probably don't know what you're doing. And if you know you don't know what you're doing, you get stressed. If you're uncertain, you'll probably leave the task be as long as possible, since starting said task may make it clear how little you know.

But if you have deadlines you have to eventually get started, and when you do get started, then all of this will hopefully fall into place, and you'll come to terms with the terms of the assignment; you'll know if you're stressed and no; in control or no; go with ebb and flow.

It's complex innit? It's not really. But for some reason - whether I feel like I know what I'm doing or no - it's just so hard to start in the first place!

Like today. Early morning. I woke up two hours ago. I could've started almost two hours ago. For almost half an hour I formulated a response to a longer online interaction. Sensitive topic. For another half an hour I started loading up podcasts and starting to get started. But I got sidetracked with email, and realized I have four movie tickets that expire soon. I put two of them on online auction. I plan to use two of them before they expire. I would've normally used all four, but the deadline for this particular game I should be working on right now is creeping up fast, and I'll be gone a week in April, so I currently have no time to spare on spontaneous cinema sessions in the city.

If I watch a movie after work on one of the Mondays I commute to the office before the tickets expire that's OK. Or two movies on two work days. If I do get a spot on the taste-testing session this coming Wednesday I could probably fit in a movie then. If I just take the commuter train into Stockholm to watch a movie or two it feels like I'd be wasting too much time though, so best bet sell away at least a couple, and I can rest yes... okay now I'm just dragging out the inevitable again.

I need to work on the game y'all. The game.

It is going alright. I'm making progress. I'm moving onward. FBF animation takes a lot of time, and I question whether I really need to be as detailed with my drawings as I currently am. I was focused yesterday. Spent maybe ten hours with my tablet. Listened to pods, prodded the pen, got it again.

I woke up later then, but started right away, so the two extra hours I had at my disposal today made no difference after all. I probably woke up earlier today since I didn't make as much noticeable progress yesterday as I hoped - despite the time spent on said task, and stress levels are thus a little heightened. I realize this will take more time than I thought it would. The early morning today means I'll probably also tire quicker, so there's really little benefit to not sleeping until fully rested instead.

I thought I might be catching a cold again yesterday too, which forced me to take it easier overall, but also enforced a sense of urgency, because you're reminded that no day is guaranteed, and that I'd thus best make the most of the days when I'm capable of doing things, but today... no cold after all? Not sure. Best not push it. I have no time for colds. Avoid sugar. Chew some cloves. Take some vitamins. Eat good. Get fresh air in moderation. Grind on. Get better rest tonight.

My nephew first introduced me to this theory of stress-inducing uncertainty during our recent joint design gig in Östersund. That if you know what you're doing: you don't get stressed so easily. And it's true. For a lot of projects I partake in I have no idea what I'm doing - or at least not enough to know if I'm capable of doing them well. How long it'll take. How much I need to learn. The exact steps you'll take to get to the finish. And so stress does build, but kind of like Dustin Piorier said: I don't want less stress, I just want to handle it better.

It's when I stress more that I learn what I'm capable of. And when I can discipline myself. When I'm forced into better routines and habits. When I get up earlier, and to bed earlier, and eat better, and exercise more. When it becomes a necessity to stay focused and in optimal shape not just during a short period of time but for a foreseeable future - when you have a goal you're continually striving towards personal betterment becomes essential.

And though we do spend way too much time on social media these days, just waning away, withering in oblivious self-affirming conversations and insistent, never-ending interactions - like I feel I did this morning - I don't want to spend less time on social media either. I want to spend more, because it's part of the purpose. Part of the cure. Part of the ardor. In part the reward.

Is that denial though? Is that short-term reward receptors winning over the prospect of long-term progress? Or is it just a part of reality in this day and age; a necessary form of interaction if you want fans and followers, and some kind of reach with your work. All the pros do it too. They may outsource; they may have others who manage their interactions for them, when they grow too extensive to handle personally, but they all do social media... and they manage the task at hand.

So there is a possibility to have proper balance. There is potential to control this machine of media and constant content consumerism, and the way you interact with it. Maybe when I learn to control that, then I'll shed a fair share of this task-related stress also...

Or I just really need to simplify my style. Effectivize the way I do things, not just with interactions but with ink and action also. It's all slow.

But practice makes perfect, just call @Fro.

In parting: I'll leave y'all with this inspiring little impromptu rap collab. Harry Mack y'all!

I've been testing my freestyle capabilities too, but to do so in public, together with an idol like that, with the one and only Harry Mack... that requires some serious getting out of your comfort zone confidence. And Vision doesn't even seem phased by it... seems he's in control. No stress just adapt - adept with flow - mic skill in the game, killing it man.

Later. I need to fill some frames.

I Don't Want A Lighter Load...

I don't want a lighter load, I want a stronger back.

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