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Zoombies (2016)

Zoombies (2016)

With the title you'd think this'd be a bit more fun!

Zombies as animals! Maybe drawn? Maybe animated? Maybe a bit like Penguins of Madagascar but... different?

Turns out it's more like Jurassic Park, with a little Resident Evil (the lab) and Parasite Eve influence (the gorilla in moonlight - uncanny resemblance if naught else) mixed in.

But as they say it's NOT Jurassic Park, it's just a regular zoo, and with the special effect budget they had that's pretty clear.

It started out so well, but maybe their budget dwindled as they went, or maybe I just started out overly optimistic.

It doesn't last.

They do some things great. The actors aren't bad, the intro's not bad, the scenes are good, the instructional and bus introduction all held some promise. Everything after that though? Hmm...

Leave review on an open ellipses? Analysis and premise of all just trailing off? Yupp, just like the movie...

 rated 2.5/5: almost not bad

The Greater The Obstacle...

The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.

Yakuza Weapon (2011)

Yakuza Weapon (2011)

After his father is killed, a young yakuza comes back to Japan for revenge - and a machine gun for an arm.

The IMDB excerpt doesn't give it justice though! It's so much more than that, and the aforementioned weapons don't play a role until a fair bit in.

I usually complain about crappy special effects, but when they're intentionally crappy, and in a stylefully violent way, and as crazy and kick-ass as this... I can't complain at all. It's a gang movie on a whole other level. The Japanese one. And it's all about loyalty.

The weaponized lady was something else too (memorable short creative nude battle scene alert), and whomever Ken Isihikawa was he must've been bad-ass. If you don't mind a little out of this world action you're finna love this.

 rated 4.5/5: almost awesome

Max Payne: Days Of Revenge (2009)

Max Payne: Days Of Revenge (2009)

They really did Max justice with this one! Unlike the 2008 one.

So, what's next? Will there be more? I really thought Mark Wahlberg starred in this one too, but apparantely it's a look-alike? Paolo Salvadeo?! I was thinking since it seems Mark was willing to go on with unofficial sequels like this hopefully there might be more, but since it's not him I guess maybe not. Maybe this was a one time one, but a good one this time.

They kept it authentic. The action heavy. The characters pretty much exactly like their in-game counterparts. The filming creative, with a red thread to the finish, albeit often a wobbly one. Just like in the games!

I just miss a bit of the narrative. The verbal poetry that came with the style, and provided welcome pauses in an otherwise ferocious mix.

It felt a little sped up in that regard. You skip from scene to scene. From action to presentation to a little bit of mutual dialog. Never that monologue that was so characteristic of the games, and it doesn't feel as Noir without it. But that's the one thing.

Compared to the Max Payne blockbuster movie I appreciate that they didn't focus so heavily on the slow-mo here too, and the style of filming's different. Equally gritty, but clearer and more authentic.

If you liked the games you'll probably like this. It's impressively close. A homage that stays true to the original whilst still making a movie out of it, and not with as much a straight up first-person game-based perspective as the blockbuster version tried.

Different mediums require different methods, and it feels like this one kept the balance. Stayed true to the game, but stayed true to the format, too.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark (2018)

Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark (2018)

Here's a movie that sounded great in theory, and looked good on cover, but when the Egglord ending extra was the highlight of the movie you know it's a movie without any particular highlights...

It's more theatrics than film. More dialog than acting. Intentionally entertaining in a way that somehow makes it less entertaining... maybe just because it's sub-par entertainment?

The occasional jokes I don't understand, based on names I don't know, make it seem like it might not be aimed at an international reach. Like it's more of an inside joke to those who made this.

The actors are slow and rarely serious either. Nobody stands out. Everybody seems to be intentionally trying to be sub-par, as if they'd match the comedy that way, and unfortunately that does come across.
Bad acting? Bad directing? It's hard to tell.

Props for effort though. Props and all. Props on an awesome cover too (maybe that's where they blew their budget)! But in the end this one just didn't keep me hooked at all.

Was expecting something more like one more spin-off to the Sharknado series. At least that studio managed a cast with characters with character... alas this was not that.

Enjoy the cover, but I wouldn't recommend the full thing.

 rated 1.5/5: almost decent

Spy Intervention (2020)

Spy Intervention (2020)

Mr. & Mrs. Smith-type déjà vu here...

Break out of your boring life and become someone! That's basically what this movie's all about. In a romantic, comedy/action spy movie type of way. Not much action. Mostly romance. A little comedy. Not THAT funny, but entertaining, and Poppy Delevingne does look good...

Not sure what I think about the very apparently staged adventure scenes or the so the very awkward dances though.

It moves between being a movie clearly on a budget, and being a really good one. The characters look like they could've been in a blockbuster, and some scenes, but some of the other ones hmm...

There's a creative flare with the filming, but not so much with the story, and in the end I feel that's where it falls a bit short. It plays decently, and looks good but maybe lacks substance.

I did enjoy it though.

 rated 3.5/5: not bad at all

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