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Larceny (2017)

Larceny (2017)

Ain't that a fancy word for thievery?

It could've been a better movie though. Acceptance. Dignity. It had the right ingredients, and a good enough script, and Dolph Lundgren, but the fighting choreography was terrible, and the acting, and dialog... well it could've been better. They hyped up the assassins so much too, and then kill the vibe entirely, but in the end it was just... half bad.

It's a story about stealing a bunch of money from a Mexican drug lord, with a few surprises, but also quite a few disappointments. Sometimes the filming's great but sometimes not. The gunfire looked good, the dodging looked bad. Some characters seemed strong, others weren't all in it. It started alright, it ended better, and though it had it's moments it's all in all a definite B-movie.

The plot's cliche, but the script's OK, it's the acting and action that disappoints. Though they have all the potential to really build the atmosphere they never really manage.

It's not Lundgren at his best, but worth a watch if you're a fan.

 rated 2/5: decent

626 Evolution (2017)

626 Evolution (2017)

This movie was a bit like the recently reviewed Zombies Have Fallen, though much better! The story similarly focuses on a teenage girl who shares her superhuman abilities, though they add in some parkour, and fighting, and although it's all riddled with a somewhat annoying childish narrative - making fun of characters and events as they go, it had pretty damn good choreography and acting!

You can see it's on a budget, but they manage not just authentic sceneries and characters, but effects too. They're not fantastic, but they work. The story's intriguing. It makes sense. The filming's creative and, albeit unbalanced, sometimes also surprisingly good.

It's a conspiracy movie with a bit of sci-fi and superpowers, and a decent dose of action. This is mostly thanks to Danielle Chuchran - the secondary main character, though she often seems to take over the role entirely. She can fight! She can be serious! With so many female actors who get into bigger movies just because of their looks, she feels ill-fitted in a budget movie like this with her versatility and skill (and looks too).

I hope to see more of her in the future, and I'm glad I stumbled upon this somewhat unknown a gem of sci-fi and action. Good watch.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Zombies Have Fallen (2017)

Zombies Have Fallen (2017)

B-movie. Really. Missing bullet holes. Crappy special effects (why even have special effects if you can't do them right?). Stiff dialog. Decent choreography, but nothing as special as the cover, name or plot description implies... and the episodes of telekinesis were probably the most disappointing parts.

It's about as nonsensical a title as the movie itself too, considering zombies are but a minor part of the plot, and zombies have fallen? What? Are they trying to imply that though zombies have fallen in the past, they won't fall in this movie? Is it a subtle hint, or is it as random as it seems - just an attempt to be fun? Maybe it's an attempt to give people a nonsensical first impression of the movie so they won't mind the nonsensical plot progression? Is there a bigger motive, other than an intention to play on the Olympus and London Has Fallen blockbuster titles to get a bit extra recognition and confused viewers who thought this was one of the aforementioned two, potentially combining this with one other popular monster keyword (Zombie) for maximum popularity?

I hate to break it to you but this is not the right way to appeal to viewers. It's not SEO, it's a movie title. A good movie needs a good title, but, yeah, if the movie was good maybe I wouldn't be complaining about petty things like what it's called... some of the best movies actually have totally nonsensical labels. So maybe that was the idea: give a titillating impression of artistic freedom and greatness even before you start. Unfortunately it didn't work that well.

The script's OK but... it jumps. The acting quality's uneven: even if a select few might have done it right they get dragged down by the surrounding cast, and Heath Hampson is really the only one who plays his role decently, though maybe I get that impression more because he looks like someone else who's been in a bundle of better roles. The psychic main-character Kyra, played by Tansy Parkinson, was alright too, but it feels their potential is just lost in this film.

The surprise crowd of children acting like zombies were a definite low, even if it was a bit charming. They do their best. Even for a low-budget film I feel the adults could've done so much more though. They could have started with the script. And title.

 rated 1/5: shit shit shit

Strip Club Massacre (2017)

Strip Club Massacre (2017)

Here's a crappy exploitation-style B-movie with decent gore effects in the same vain as I Spit on Your Corpse, I Piss on Your Grave and other splatterhouse flicks. It doesn't come close to the classics though, it doesn't have any additional merit in shock value or creative twist, and I wonder why they keep making films like this with the same kind of content.

There's not much more to say. The acting's alright, but the story, motive, surprises... there is/are none. It's the kind of movie you'd see just for the exploitation, but not even that's all that good.

Cheap tricks. Subtle censorship as to make it seem 'real' by simply obscuring the action, and zooming in on fake blood and other peripherals surrounding it. You get to see as little of the girls as you do of the gore. Disregarding unenthusiastic directing and acting: it just doesn't have the edge the old movies did.

 rated 1/5: shit shit shit

Musicalish #198

Just some new music! Yeah.

(more…)

GOG Summer Sale 2017 Finale

GOG Summer Sale 2017 Finale

The final stretch is here! Just saying. 24 hours to go.

Got those freebies. :)

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