Chutney's Christmas Discord
Found out about this way late, but it's somewhat seasonal so hopefully slightly relevant even after all this time. :)
You can see my alternative persona to the upper/middle/lower uttermost left, and the rest of the awesome Chutney gang. Go join the server if you haven't/if you want to/if you're a crazy person in a good kind of way! You'll find the link I'm sure.
Shout out @Phronemophobia!
And Merry Belated Christmas Again!
First post of last year here.
Last year pretty much started the same as this one. In a dark room - a soft backlight as to not take away focus from the occasional outside fireworks - and me by the computer. Writing up last-minute resolutions, hoping to have time to reflect on a New Year and a New Me but not quite taking and/or having the time.
I felt like I wrote little last year, but it seems it'll be even less now.
I talked about a storm then, but the fireworks were so much stronger this time around. Who would have thought? 2020 marked the start of a new decade - an at the time hopeful new phase for humankind, but this years all the more savage a showcase of fire and flame and sparkle seems to show that it's just a number after all. Even if it seemed awesome at the time we didn't really need the new as we do now.
I watched those decorative flares with a stupid grin on my face now. Growing wider and wider as more and more light struck the sky, soon lighting up a thick layer of smoke: the haze of aftermath.
I felt invigorated. All the more hopeful about how 2021 might turn out. All the more confident in my own abilities, and joyous that so many others seem to share the same sentiments. That so many of us really hope that this time it better be better. This time we start the decade that last New Year was supposed to.
I won't say 2020's been all bad - but it's been laden with uncertainty and unwanted tension, all too much stress, a couple breakdowns, the clarity of an ongoing midlife crisis I've been able to somewhat mask behind a veil of distractions during prior years, that this wave of isolation forced me to face. Thus my #1 resolution for the year. I know it'll sound vague to anyone who reads it, but it's vague to me too. I'm not sure how to transform; to get where I need to be. Not sure where to start. Maybe with a little more reflection time I could've drawn out some pointers.
Maybe I will! And it seems this post is growing longer than I expected it to already and possibly uncomfortably introspective considering the air of festivity we should currently be trying to breath in - never mind that fosfor haze!
I guess I started this journey last year, but it's probably safe to say that things got in the way of the change I crave and one day maybe (I mean this year) will hail and brave. Slay my dragon. Let the tail prevail.
It hasn't been all bad! I sure posted more during 2020 than 2019 - albeit still not as much as I hoped to. I made some music I'm proud of. I managed to travel a bit despite all the roadblocks this 'rona thing tried to throw in my way. I've interacted with a bunch of cool people - both new and old acquaintances - mostly online unfortunately/fortunately/would-be-more-fortunately-if-I-was-interacting-a-bit-more-IRL-too, and I've come to all kinds of self-realizations that I am absolutely positive (not corona positive - don't worry - took a drive-through test last week) that a normal year would never have given me as ideal circumstances to find. For good or bad.
Whatever change this year might bring I plan to keep blogging though, keep on writing, and most importantly keep making music.
You can find my subsequent yearly resolutions post here - from the other side of the yearly divide - for anyone who maybe stumbles upon this outside the main stream.
I hope you managed to get some good out of last year too; here's to the new! The one we've all been waiting for. So long. It's done.
So so long 2020! And Happy 2021.
And good night. I'll revise more tomorrow.
Grand hopes and visions for a New Year drawing near yeah!
The minutes to midnight are really ticking down now, and I've barely started on my resolutions post... I've been wishing random NG-based accomplices a Happy New Year a while in advance and getting stuck in all kinds of random conversations in the process... plus just ordered a pair of pant pairs and two shipments of nutritious foods - one batch of which was on a New Year sale that ends at midnight, and one smaller batch of which I had a personal rebate for that was set to expire at midnight.
I haven't fully read up on or registered the ISRC codes I'd planned to finally get to this morning or revised the set of posts here that I'd planned to get through before the New Year came waltzing in - or a bundle of other things - but what does all of that matter now? The New Year is soon here, and my stress has momentarily faded. It's too late anyway. So I type away with the seldom seen speed of New Year exhilaration.
With the hopes that good things are just around the corner. Aware that I'll soon be cheering in the great 2021 with my parents and watching a festivity of fireworks set the gloomy skies outside ablaze, as we turn down all lights inside and toast with fancy sparkling apple cider with a hint of lemon and mint. Herrljunga.
I wish I always typed this fast. I wish I always felt this focused and ready; in the moment. I wish I had both the presence and the calm that this guy seems to have.
But maybe I do - if just for a moment - and it's wishes like these that this post is supposed to be all about after all.
But I wish to keep it simple. There's a segment from last year - and the year before - that I'd like to remind myself of once again. The mantra I wish to mold into myself. The essence - I feel - of the saying that excellence is a habit:
Don't wait, but don't haste. Don't hesitate. Don't stall, don't fall, don't all. Don't say "yes" if you stress. Don't do if you are not supposed to. But mostly, a 'can't do' won't do: think instead of what you could do. Be good too.
If I could only become that then I feel like I'd be where I want to be. That I wouldn't look back. That I'd appreciate the moment. That everything would make sense. That I'd be confident in myself and greet each new day as a challenge and opportunity; strive not just to become better but to always be good and to feel fulfilled.
But maybe that wouldn't even be a challenge then. Maybe I'm confusing things. Maybe I oughta just sit down and reflect on my past resolutions. See what I've accomplished so far and what I've yet to do...
Last year I wanted to:
1. Get in shape.
I kept this simple. No specific walk amounts of exercises. Variation goes a long way I said - I just needed to get better at taking care of myself. No overindulgence, no laziness, and no sacrificing exercise time for other dues when I know I need it. Manifest some proper exercise regimes and routines and stick with them, and stay mobile even when I'm at a standstill.
So how did that go? Not really!
Especially during these bleak winter months that motivation comes and goes. Mostly goes. Proper exercise regimes and routines don't manifest themselves, though I have been taking two daily walks every day for at least the last few months now. I can't remember a day when I didn't.
I also started with a six pack training app, that had I really followed through with the exercises would have maybe actually given me a semblance of some av visibility in a month or two. Three-four months later I've yet to finish that first month set. But I'm almost there, and the exercises I've done have been heavy, so they must've done something.
Of course summer provided plenty of physical labor too, and lately I'm playing frisbee golf a day each week or so, and almost dislocated my right shoulder when I tried that with a weight vest on recently. It's taking some time to feel normal again. Oh: weight vests. Going heavy with those.
I wouldn't say I'm in shape - especially not after this very overindulgent Christmas week - but I do feel like I'm getting somewhere. I definitely haven't been lazy either, just occasionally very tired and stressed, and unfortunately my exercise routines don't carry through when it matters the most. Still room to improve on this.
2. Stop stalling.
I'd gotten better at this the past few years, but planned to improve further on this commitment, first and foremost in regard to writing. When I start writing something - I wrote - I shall aspire to finish it, and if it's in regard to a blog post or similar time-relevant item then I shall get it done right away whenever possible. And revise it before I post it. No leftover dues unless they really are necessary.
So... no. Didn't manage this at all. I've managed to write. I wrote and recorded daily verses for two months straight a while ago, and have been keeping up with a hundred words per day for longer, but I do also currently have a backlog of circa a hundred movie reviews left unposted. and then some. I don't feel I've written neither consistently nor ambitiously for most of this year, and I haven't managed as much as I would've liked to.
Still room to improve on that. But with the stalling thing overall...?
Yeah... I mean yeah as in: no. Still room to improve there too. Maybe I've stalled more this year than i did the last one. Maybe involuntarily, with the pandemic getting in the way of all too many a good plan, on concerts, and trips, and virtually all other outside/real-world activities I'd normally engage in. It's wrecked havoc on my mind too. It's lowered my confidence levels and made me somewhat hesitant and weary.
I wouldn't say I'm but a shell of my former self but: a little too much stalling. Need to re-envision this one for the New Year.
3. Leftover 2016 goals.
I said I'd reveal these when I accomplished them but I am not done yet! I have this year accomplished one of three remaining; somewhat large and ongoing items. Maybe next year this particular set will finally be completed and revealed to all. :)
That's it for those resolutions!
Unlike last year my PM box is empty, and my email too. At least the Inbox. I do have a queue. But I'm not stalling. I do what I do. As the minutes really start counting down now and the fireworks start popping off at an increasing rate outside I feel like I'm out of time in regard to in-depth resolutions, so I'll leave it at this: I shall keep up with the previous three, I shall try to be both consistent and spontaneous with my creative crafts, and over the coarse of the year I hope to do mainly two things:
1. Sort my life out! Meet new people, get to a place I feel happy to be at and spend my time in a way that feels fruitious to me.
2. Keep making music. :) No elaborations necessary here. I have some things planned - and hopefully a lot of things there's no need to plan - I just want to write, record, and vent away whenever I have the opportunity. And steadily get better at this one particular
skillset while I'm at it.
Among so many other things! But those are the main two.
You never truly see yourself.
Only your reflection.
Never by your side.
Do you ever truly see yourself the way other people see you?
And do they see you the same way you assume they would? Considering everyone perceives things with certain ocular difference?
If you take a photo and look at the photo: That's you as the machine sees you.
As best the camera can capture you in current lighting; at whatever resolution's currently available; with whatever technological capacity it currently has to perceive and document the world. No matter how high the resolution; how clear and crisp and colorful the image: it will not be you as you would see you.
There is no way to see yourself the same way you see the world around you.
In a way, as you perceive the world, your own self-image is but a reflection to the world.
That's my mirror theory.
Don't Demand That Things Happen...
Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well.