This felt almost like the GTA of action movies, starring the main man Pap Tate (Craig Fairbrass), along with a dame, and a couple of uneducated but local associates, in a drug and money and Marbella-related farce that deals with both vengeance and a return to the good life in parallel.

If you haven't seen the prequels (I haven't) you might feel that it ends a bit pointlessly, and not relate as much to the man as to the lady, but if you know what he's been through already...? Maybe then things will be different. I can't say. I wouldn't know yet.

I wouldn't mind watching some of the prequels here, to see if this is the kind of franchise that gets better the more you see it, but as it is it's not bad. It looks good. They play good. It goes full circle. It just doesn't have a main character, good or no, you'd ever trust your life with. Or wife with. Or even a dollar. He's tough but (at a movie 4 glance) no role model.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Jumanji, but with mainly girls, bad actors, bad fighters, and bad effects? Why not!

Although it starts with a rain of sharks and dinosaurs and a very cliche beach, it does get better. The characters bond, and as actors it seems they get better and better as well, culminating with an arcade-style fight sequence that actually wasn't bad at all. If only they'd actually been fighters...

I won't watch this again, but as far as sub-par mainstream blockbuster movie clones go it wasn't all too shabby. Fun little ride, arcade vibes and smiles, but still clearly a B-movie, and not one of the iconics.

 rated 2/5: decent

He would conquer the wind, the sea, and the... the dragon.

I thought this would be one of those seventies movies that was on the brink of, but not entirely, porn.

My bad. Turns out it was entirely porn. Just creative seventies such, starring a few girls who suck the energy out of a man they stumble upon, and that man then finds a master to teach him the art of Kung Fu to get that energy back. Pretty much.

Energy as in sexual energy, y'know?

It had some good scenes but... it's definitely northing like My Nights With Susan & Co. It's not that kind of movie. Best not watch this for plot device if you do, more so aesthetics and timeless entertainment.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Seems like the French just never go wrong with an action movie! Or one with car chases for that matter.

They've done it again and again with titles like Banlieue 13, Total Action and Taxi (and everything else Luc Besson's been involved with - I guess he's inspired others - maybe Guillaume Pierret is the next one up?), and here again, with the story of an unfortunate goon who cracks through four concrete walls in an attempted robbery, but the car stalls and he can't get his seatbelt off in time, and thus gets apprehended by the police and becomes part of their drug-deal intercepting squad.

Only things aren't all as they seem to be... and there's a girl. They show love in unconventional ways, and both the car chases and the fights have a combined kind of authenticity and flare that few movies do.

The last time I felt like this with a car chase in particular was during the one with Samuel Jackson and Ryan Reynolds in The Hitman's Bodyguard.

This was great. It keeps surprising. Keeps taking it to the next level. Remains authentic, and serious, and sometimes comical, while at the same time staying grounded and relatable in a way that few blockbusters do.

Also that sax behind the desk - or was it a tuba...? Little things like that. Love them. Love this movie. Can't get enough car/action movies like this - and the French blend is a little bit different than the Fast & Furious ones. Maybe a little more down to Earth. It's refreshing. The sceneries, the farm, the marshlands... there's that too.

France ain't a bad place to drive, or live, or possibly to try a life of crime and violence. Or to get caught in if you do.

 rated 5/5: friggin awesome

I'm getting tired of this.

It's the same thing all over again, only this time there's no John, there's a girl instead. And the Terminator's a girl - only she's no Terminator. And there's an old woman that needs more consolidation than the new girl, even though she's pretty much a Terminator herself.

The special effects aren't perfect. They're better than average, but I get annoyed with how much there is that's fake-looking, even when there doesn't need to be. The special effects haze comes in early with the first chase, and smoke, and fire. But it does get better.

Arnold seems to get better with age too. The effects get better. The characters get stronger. The emotions get stronger. The punchlines improve with Arnold. Eventually I get teary-eyed and everything and yet... it's just the same thing all over again.

The pace is quicker, the Rev 9's all the more merciless, yet it just doesn't get better than the first two movies. They keep trying to replicate that proven recipe but keep missing that secret ingredient. But maybe it's a secret ingredient that can only be used so many times.

Maybe it's youth? Maybe originality?

Part of me really liked this one, but when it's all said and done why not just let the franchise die this time. Or stop trying to do the same thing with it every single time. The terminators keep getting stronger and more ruthless, and more beautiful, but they're still Terminators. The threat's still AI. The method's still time travel. It's more relevant than ever and yet... it feels distant from what it once was too.

I can't come to any good conclusions here, but I don't think I would've rated this higher even if I'd never seen the prequels. It's too rushed. Too predictable. Too PC. Get things right.

 rated 3.5/5: not bad at all

Sylvester Stallone's first real prison movie! And realest yet.

I wonder if he borrowed some inspiration from Jackie's Island Of Fire/Dogs here too. They don't have much in common except for the very premise of prison, but they are both good, and he does one particular stunt here that definitely matched the danger levels in Jackie's. Unless they had a net below him. Bet his shins hurt either way.

Some behind the scenes would be cool for this one.

It's a story of a convict, who goes to prison, and gets set up, and has a hard time getting out of there. Shawshank Redemption meet Boyka - though this one came before both of those.

It's gritty, it's raw, it's realistic with a little flare for the dramatic. And what I really appreciate in movies from this time is also that they had a bit more character. No special effects. Just dialog. A good script. Moments of intensity that make you sit just a bit further out on the edge of your seat even when you're on edge already.

Looking at the recent Escape Plan trilogy I guess Stallone's always had a talent with this particular genre. As far as prison movies go this might be one of the best.

 rated 4.5/5: almost awesome