To those who think, life is a comedy. To those who feel, life is a tragedy.

Seems this one's also attributed to Jean Racine, and both with somewhat different wording... truth though.

Ideally it'll be both. Think and feel. Tragicomedy. Sink and heal.

So my mom caught the covid too apparently. Again. From me. Again.

It's been a couple weeks and a couple days since I probably caught it myself. I've had plenty of time to rest, I've been free of fever for over a week now, yet haven't been making the most of that rest time potential the last few days at least. Staying up late. Sitting by the computer full-time again. Eating less ideally - for the first five or so days at least I was super strict. Mashed bananas and garlic every morning, plenty of imperative supplementation, fluids, cough-reducing tinctures, no milk, minimal sugar - virtually nothing unhealthy at all.

And she was fasting most of that time, which I attributed her not getting sick to later one. A stronger immune system then. Must be. I'd settled in the contentment that she probably wouldn't get it this time.

But no, it just took longer.

Now she has the same relentless cough that I did, probably a fever too, no sense of taste and a sleepless night behind her. Usually she's up early to wash dishes and what-not, but not today, and that routine's a sacred one, in good health or no she always does those dishes... it kind of worries me.

Not that I can't wash dishes. The dishes are handled.

It was a huge pile of dishes yet it took a mere twenty minutes to plow through, and I feel better about my day already than I've done in some time. I understand now why she likes to start the day with those dishes. It gives you a sense of purpose, a sense of satisfaction with the gratifyingly visual dish-related accomplishments and kitchen cleanliness, and at the same time a light kind of warm-up that gets you started proper.

Maybe we should all wash some dishes every morning. It's meditative too. Need to use more dishes.

My worry is not in regard to the dishes though but for the apparently complete depletion of energy that leads her to stay in bed, though awake, rather than head downstairs to complete said task. For the uninitiated reader she's closing in on 80 y/o. Old people are tough but...

If this current case of what I assume to be a newer mutation of the 'rona (or we ought be immune already) is the same as it was for me she'll have a relentless cough for a few days, then a high fever, then get better, then get a slimier cough that lasts at least another week.

I still have mine, though it's gradually dissipating, hopefully it's all gone by the time me and good buddy/cousin David hit the planes and fly off to Poland next week, it's just a few days away now...

My Spring this year really isn't turning out the way I planned it.

I missed the customary half-price ice cream campaign that Pressbyrån traditionally run at the very start of May too cause of covid - which I've been taking full advantage of in recent years as to try whatever new ice cream they have for the summer.

I missed my first trip up North, as I've raved about already.

My work days got cut even further till August - at which time hopefully company finances have recovered - or said work may end entirely.

I fill my days with dues yet feel a little lost and crippled in this vast expanse of opportunities that the world's comprised of. Like I can't just jump into any occupation I'd like to. Taste-testing and mystery shopping may be fun side hustles, but post tax and commuting costs the gigs I get there don't pay much at all. Super weak cost/benefit ratio.

I bought a reseller hosting account the other day though, real cheap, and plan to get properly started with selling that post-summer... need to register a company name and do it properly this time. Could host people unofficially but would rather not get called in for tax evasion if it does turn into a somewhat profitable alternative job. Which I do hope it does.

I have marketing ideas in store here. It's not so much about the hosting as about what services you sell with that hosting. The market's saturated with people trying to act the middle man and make a little extra the reseller way - the easy way - but few probably do when they don't offer anything new...

So I do have a spark. An idea. A vision I shall nourish and test. I have a few potential clients awaiting. I have other jobs I've been berating. I have a webshop soon in the making. Ideas for which time I'll be staking.

But come this summer this house will be vacant, I'll be on vacation, I'm not complaining! Finances aren't great, but while I'm away, I'll focus more on the shape I will make. My form my norm, my swelling main frame. There's no telling how much I'll excel in my game. I'll get into selling, foretelling my fame. Compelling a melon - to eat is my bane.

In vain my vanity I've tried to claim. Feeble attempt, meager in gain. Crawl like a Smeagol right out of this cave. Go like Moana or Merida in Brave! Into the free sea, onto my reign. I rebel cause regular people are slaves. Stay in the system, sit and behave. Listen while vision we'll take it away.

Dreams are for aliens, deviants pale. Green is my face when I see how they play. Games with the world, greedy and vile, final nail in the coffin? They each have a pile. Each with a smile. Each without seeing the heathens beside, thinking just one nail is easy to try. Easy to not see, we villainize Nazi, yet the evilest people look like you and I!

They cheat and they lie, find loopholes to hold, don't speak your mind.
Only good people, still seek comply.

Hope mom gets better anyhow. I'm out. Walk time. Stroll, saunter, get some sun... hopefully all is good in days yet to come.

Oh no I could've made it!

...was the first thing I thought when I woke a few days back. Tuesday. Started writing this then but didn't finish.

I felt okay, I'd slept a full eight hours and apparently didn't need more, I checked my temperature - it was low - to the point almost of being too low - on Sunday it was high to the point of being too high, but I felt alert, like I hadn't in a few days... then I got up and realized I was maybe not fully recovered yet after all.

It seems my temperature rushes a bit when I sit upright. My back sweats profusely in this robe - like a lawn covered in morning dew. If I stay in it too long I get cold, or if stay upright too long, thus I return to bed after a while.

Maybe that's normal. I'm still inexcusably weak. My fever crept up to 39.2°C on Sunday, before it siphoned off and I had the best sleep I've had in maybe... ever. In a long time at least. Totally exhausted.

I still have a sniffle and a raw throat from trying to force up phlegm I know will make it difficult to sleep otherwise, but overall it's not so bad... this is the first day in a few days where I am sitting by the computer with the intent of being somewhat productive. By writing this. By catching up on NG. Maybe I'll have energy for email too.

I'm not working fully, but it seems possible to get a real work day in before the week is over, if the boss obliges (he did). It would've been yesterday if I was okay. I called in sick on Sunday since I thought I may not be coherent enough to do so on Monday. And today I should have been flying up North, for the first trip of the year and summer.

Had big plans for this one, was looking forward to it - alas it seems the bigger plans you make the more probable they falter.

All trips require planning of course, ahead aplenty, especially if you want things as cheap as they can be, but I wish I didn't have to. I wish I could manage my bookings as spontaneously as my sister does. Go when I want to. Know when I'm rested. Never take a day for granted, but make the most of granted days as they come.

Alas that incurs exponentially greater costs, too.

I'm not there yet. In fact I'm still kinda proud of how much I manage to save on my tickets in comparison - though it's not as much as it used to be. I seem to be getting worse at it. Maybe it's the times more so than me. The uncertainty affects supply and demand also. Supply's a bit more hesitant, and demand grows - I'm far from the only one booking things half a year in advance whenst whenever possible now.

Ever since I realized I'd have to cancel this flight I've been entertaining the thought of booking another one. Of just delaying the trip a bit, and getting in a weekend instead of an almost full week, but as it is maybe that wouldn't be so wise. We'll see. How fast I heal. The alternative's open. Flying's fast and free...

It's the second time I've tried for this particular trip though.
They say third time's the charm, but it's also costly. The rental car fortunately doesn't cost a thing to cancel - up till within half an hour of retrieval no less, but the airlines aren't so accommodating.

I book most of my tickets with Norwegian, who fortunately do reimburse taxes and government fees even on low-fare tickets if you need to cancel - which covers quite a bit if you manage to get those tickets cheap. Yet I booked my return trip with RyanAir this time since Norwegian were all too expensive, and they don't reimburse a thing.

Well they do, but they take a 20 EUR service fee for it, and so if the potential repayment is lower it doesn't go through. Their ticket for this trip cost roughly 22 EUR, so that's that.

Compare that to the Norwegian equivalent of maybe 60-70 EUR on this particular return trip... I wonder which one would've paid off most in this case. If I'd have taken this flight of course it would've been better with the cheaper RyanAir alternative. As I didn't, though, I wonder if I could've been reimbursed more than the price difference between said two tickets...

And then I have a hotel booked for one night, which can't be canceled but can fortunately be postponed, so I think I'll try that for October, and I had bought temporary insurance for the deductible on the rental car via ERV, which they fortunately obliged to change the date on when I changed my booking earlier, but won't repay if I cancel entirely... so that's gone.

All small costs you may say, if all I'm dealing with are but remaining bits and pieces of ticket payments and cheap insurance extras, but costs do amount, and my finances are in a precarious state these days.
I've started Mystery Shopping a bit to make up for it.

The company I'm with isn't doing so well, sales decrease still, so for the duration of summer at least I'll be working just one day a week there, after by which time company finances will hopefully have recouped and all goes back to normal. If it doesn't I need to start considering my options...
so all costs matter, and especially now.

Though I've always made it a point - I'd say it's one of my greatest strengths even - to not waste money unnecessarily, it seems I've been getting careless the last couple of years, as I've grown used to having a steady income to back up what I may occasionally squander.

Last summer I think I booked at least four RyanAir flights that I later cancelled - though they were incredibly cheap then. Two were for a similar early Spring flight that just ended up being to stressful to take, even if I could have.

Two of them I ended up replacing with tickets from Norwegian, since the flight times were just unmanageable.

I did catch one, yet had to take in at a hotel the night before the flight in order to be at the airport in time, since public transport from home wasn't available that early in the morning, and taxi would've been expensive. That flight still ended up cheaper than it would've been with Norwegian, hotel included, though it was a hassle to get up that early anyway and the hotel was hot and noisy and I barely managed to sleep at all.

The ticket prices have increased since, though.

Last year I could've booked four of their tickets for the price of one this-year ticket, so basically I just squandered the same amount again.

I paid twice for this one thing I forgot about the expiration date for last year too, and earlier this spring I actually bought an additional train ticket one day just because I had a bad headache and wanted to leave earlier...

Get it together my dude! This isn't you!

On the one hand it does feel freeing when you're able to adjust plans on the go, and not let your freedom be limited by arbitrary expenses.

But on the other I'd rather plan well in advance and not lose a thing.
I'd rather be prepared for everything.

I'd rather be of such impeccable health and reason there's never a need to change these things. So ultimately I could plan and book at leisure, and live life fully and without measure.

No cost is arbitrary either. Nothing is arbitrary. Plan or no plan. There's just less stress and disappointment involved if you have things under control.

Since that Tuesday morning detailed above I planned to take this week day by day anyhow, and if I felt well enough maybe I'd attempt another trip, but not book anything in advance! If flight prices had risen too much for it to be worth it when the weekend came then so be it. That'd be it then.

I don't know if they did - I haven't checked on prices since - but I still have a sniffle and a cough, and I'm tired, so it probably wouldn't have been a good call to go anywhere regardless. This most definitely is no ordinary cold.

I did get a work day in this Friday, I've been finally getting a little sun this weekend, and I'll be hopefully heading in to the office tomorrow too, if I'm feeling no worse than I am today, I'm getting there...

It would've been nice to get a glimpse of the summerplace this early on - it's a late Spring this year and I hear there's plenty of snow left too - but at least I'm saving on those unused car rental costs. Hopefully I'll be driving up with my parents in just a few weeks, and we'll have plenty of time to spare there then, both to work the land and fare well with good buddy A. Fingers crossed all things go according to plan this time!!!

The prospect of moving this aforementioned trip up one week again has been on my mind too, but I feel I'd jinx the trip that comes after if I do.

That's a big one too. A 30th Birthday special with an adopted cousin, to the country where he was born, for a six day tour of all that Poland has to offer - including Wroclaw, which is apparently known as Poland's Venice.

It can't be built on a sunken city too can it? Assume there's just lots of water.

Coincidentally my cousin's apparently currently sick now as well, and his mom had a stroke a few days ago. They're not doing so well.

Hope we're all recouped and strong until the next trip. The real one. The first and foremost for this season. Our immune systems also stronger thanks to this, ready for whatever that venture may throw at us. Finna be early mornings... possibly late nights... and hopefully lots of fun.

This one... maybe it was all just a fever dream after all.

I think I need to go search up some more Rob Shauf. XD

There is no cost to getting things wrong, the cost is not getting them published.

Hey hey! It's that day today! Aim for the stars all. Go far /stall.

-cd-