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Flying Monkeys (2013)

Flying Monkeys (2013)

Teenager, Joan gets more than she bargained for when her workaholic dad buys her a cute pet monkey who grows wings, fangs, and an insatiable thirst for blood come nightfall.

Gargoyles? Nope, it's a different breed entirely. One from the deep, dark parts of the jungle... from which a couple of pretty modern-looking Asian assassins who've been hunting down this special species for centuries appear and it turns out they speak pretty good English.

Maika Monroe is the lead star though, the girl who receives the monkey; up-and-coming actress who's about to star in a movie with Shia Lebouff. Honey Boy. I was just skimming through his filmography looking for American Honey, which this movie reminded me of. I was sure I recognized her too, and apparently it was from It Follows! Favorites all together now. She'll be playing lead role in Stockholm as well, a movie that, of course, a Swede like me is looking forward to seeing. Coincidences huh?

This movie isn't one of those but: she does her part alright. The other girl, btw? Machete! Grindhouse! The cast in this movie, if but a small part of it: off the charts! Or more like: on the charts? Movies considered? They're great.

So they have the cast bit covered, and the rest of the movie could've been good too with it's simple but appreciative plot, small bouts of action, relations and good filming, but unfortunately: the CGI. It was crap.

Take it for what it is though, which is an entertaining B-movie. No more no less. It just could have maybe been more because Maika Monroe! HELL YEAH! I think I might be a fan. Good watch.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Mad Cow (2010)

Mad Cow (2010)

The craziest take on the Mad Cow madness yet? Yupp, this is probably it. It's a low-budget movie about a crazed scientist [who] creates a half-man, half-cow creature which goes on the rampage at an African game lodge.

Tanya van Graan and Greg Viljoen play the main parts, yet I just can't tell if they put on a good act or not. Was the directing bad or was the acting bad? The props and gore are alright. The special effects are crap. The acting... all together it gives the impression it was meant to be bad, and though this B-movie formula sometimes seems to work (The Killer Tomatoes)... this time it doesn't. It just looks bad. The pace is off. The props are off. It had potential to be a cult-like kind of crazy but never got that far.

Props on some interesting ideas (that ear-healing shaving cream was pretty cool), and creative violence, and the cow suit, but overall... just can't go high on this one. It was just too bad to be good.

 rated 1/5: shit shit shit

After Porn Ends (2012)

After Porn Ends (2012)

So it turns I had seen this one before after all! I recognized the interviews right from the start, so I guess they had an impact on me after all. Considering how long ago this first watch probably was.

Watching through this again, with the two sequels fresh in mind, this comes across a bit more jaded than the newer ones. It's not as sugarcoated about the business overall, which is good: less bias, but it's also feels a bit unnecessarily sensationalistic. It seems to make an unappreciative attempt at taking up all sides, balancing good and bad endings but really leaning towards the bad.

Maybe that's why the director, five years later, chose to make a sequel that paints a much more positive image of the biz. Maybe it took some time for him to turn. This one delves into stigmas and relations on a much more somber level, less about the business itself than the people, but it also seems to tell the stories of those who were hurt, not by the industry so much as by personal choice or coincidence, and that's not really what it's about is it? In hindsight it all feels pretty skewed, even if the interviews are done well, and reveal a lot about the personalities of each one interviewed. I enjoyed watched them again.

It does interview a solid set of icons too, most memorably Amber Lynn, Asia Carrera (I read her blog before I knew who she was), Crissy Moran (she's the Christian one in this one), Houston, John Leslie (RIP), Richard Pacheco, Seka, Tiffany Million, Mary Carey, Raylene, Randy West and Nina Hartley, and I do appreciate that! With the cast in mind it does seem to be the most ambitious out of the three so far, and I'm hoping they'll bring in some of the remaining legends in potential sequels too.

Ron Jeremy comes to mind...

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Illicit Desire (2017)

Illicit Desire (2017)

This is pretty much straight up soft-core porn at this point...

It's a TV movie, and a bit like Basic Instinct but a lot more basic. It begins with a steamy scene with a girl and a guy, the girl in a mask, soft dominatrix play that suddenly pans out and: the guy is dead, lying on the bed with a knife protruding from his chest area.

It then moves on to office shenanigans, and relationships that start to spiral out of control... it doesn't look bad per say, but the script's a mystery, and though the initial mask scene makes for a who-is-that-girl intrigue that spans the rest of the movie, there's little else of interest here. The scenes aren't special. The effects aren't there. It has a pretty cool thriller/sci-fi like cover that raises expectations unnecessarily high, when really the only highlights are the sex. And in the end a death, and mystery revealed.

 rated 2/5: decent

RIP Stan Lee

RIP Stan Lee

And that's not even the saddest one. Oh my god... I barely knew the dude, but the feels some of these evoke...

I didn't grow up in the grand universe this great man created, but I've been spending more and more time there these last few years, so I guess I might've become a pretty big Marvel fan after all.

Didn't draw anything but I did write a poem:

(more…)

SMOSH MOSH FUNDED

SMOSH MOSH FUNDED

It's out! Well no, not yet, but it will be. It's happy news so I gotta convey it. Staying tuned.

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