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Promises Redefined

I've been thinking, and I know  I should have finished thinking before the new year arrived, but it seems things work a bit differently now in year two thousand nine. I am a very self-criticizing individual, always striving to achieve perfection. I know I'm never going to reach perfection, and I am happy about this, because if one reaches perfection then there is nothing more to strive for. Yet I aim for and hope that I'll become a better individual this year, as well as reach the goals I have set out for myself, all goals probably improving me as a person too.

I divided my list of promises into three this time, focusing on the three current main factors of my life. Me, Life and Newgrounds. The lower in the list the lesser the priority, but the easier the task. I won't be going through this list one at a time, but I will look back at this post once in a while and try to stay on the right track, and I think that these are really the things I feel and should strive for most. My educational goals go without saying, I am studying full-time the first semester this year, which is of course my top priority, all else turns to shit if I don't get my tributive money, evidential grades and wisdom gained, but other than my studies, what I want to and will do:


  1. Never hesitate
  2. Write one poem each day of the year
  3. Improve my singing skills and vocal voice
  4. Learn to communicate better with other people
  5. Improve enough physically to participate in Marathon
  6. Finish all projects I start, and focus on tasks at hand


  1. Get tattoo
  2. Get drivers license
  3. Double my savings
  4. Get website costs +/- 0
  5. Publish one book
  6. Start company


  1. Reach 20,000 Forum Posts
  2. Reach 10,000 Flash Reviews
  3. Reach 5,000 Music Reviews
  4. Submit two Flashes each day in a month
  5. Submit two Audios  each day in a month
  6. Participate in six important events

Internetional Collectivators

I just realized how absurd my passion for collecting items found on the world wide web is. Not absurd, really, but impossible, a lifelong captivation serving at current no real purpose, taking up as long time as I dedicate to it, and with the future lifespan I give it. Technically it's not even legal. Even the legal media such as pictures, poetry, past phrases and dedicated animations are copyright their owners, distributed only to the websites the creativational creators specify. All media is downloaded when viewed, but outside the Internet cache the legal terms are of an entirely different sort. There are billions of images on the net, dare I say, and probably millions of games, scripts, blog posts, articles and other media - all distributed on large dynamic websites open to the public. Of all these there are a chosen few websites I frequently visit to download specific things, like free audio files from the newgrounds audio portal, or flash games, sometimes articles from one of the gigantic article databases online, a good deal of open source PHP scripts, vector designs, textures, inspirational media files, and much more. On newgrounds only there are over a hundred thousand downloadable music files. Out of those I have over 10% saved to my hard-drive, neatly categorized in authorly order. I have a gallery folder sorted in the same manner with images from deviant art, a PHP script folder sorted in functions. Altogether I without doubt have at least a few hundred thousand files stashed away, all to myself. Some of these will be of great use, but most of them serve no purpose at all, and when I need something - a tune maybe - I still visit the Internet to browse the newer submissions. Thus my collective obsessity lacks usefulness even more. And what's even worse it that my whole archive of gathered information could, at any time, simply disappear due to a hard-drive failure or similar. It would be catastrophic, hundreds of hours of collecting just wasted away.

Not that the real world is any different, there are just as many items here, if not more, but the shocking truth is that the countable objects displayed online will (if they haven't already) far surpass the amount of real items in just a few years. This large informational flow, constantly being added to by millions of people each day, just cannot be handled by a single individual! No matter how much I would like to have the entire newgrounds audio archive stashed away, it's not possible. To do so I would have to dedicate at least one hour every DAY for the rest of my life just downloading music, and that is beyond my limitations, I just cannot waste my time on that, so I will never achieve the perfect collection either. The problem with the net is that it's so easy to collect. Unlike in real life where you will actually have to pay for, trade or create your items, and thus have a limited amount of items you can take care of, you can in the digital realm get ahold of anything with one or a few clicks. This makes it even more tempting to start your own collection. All items, both real and digital, require maintenence, but onscreen it is much easier to take care of your files than in the real world. All you need is a quick backup every month or so incase hell breaks lose, and once every year or so upgrade or buy new hard-drives, whatever you store doesn't gather dust, or risk getting knocked down by a clumsy guest, or anything at all. By all means, keep collecting, there's nothing wrong with having an archive, as long as you NEED it. Do not waste your time saving things you won't ever be using again. Downloading all material you can find from a specific site is like cleaning out trash cans and then sorting the various items you find neatly in cardboard boxes. Blue plastic bags go there, transparent plastic bags go here, black plastic bags possibly filled with dog crap go in that waterproof container in the back. Nono, it's time for me to stop spending hours saving files, and start saving time instead, using the files I have saved for benevolent or helpful purposes. Cheers to the new year, a time of revelation and change!

Close To Dreamland

I stayed awake a night, and today my life is like a dream. No I didn't win 100k on Lotto, it's just that due to lack of sleep the day passes by in a fairly unusual and infrequent state of mind. Here comes my analyses of sleepless nights. During most of the night my head is clear as any normal day, maybe a bit tired, during the early morning hours I get very tired. This is the time when I can fall asleep just by closing my eyes. Lying down, sitting down, kneeling, standing up, balancing on one foot, any stance goes. My eyelids feel like strong magnets pulling together, very strong magnets, you have to be very strong yourself to withstand their relative force. Anyhow, once these early morning hours have passed the tiredness just flies away, I've never been as full of energy and clarity as when the sun slowly starts rising and I sit down by the kitchen table to enjoy my breakfast. The morning walk is a bit staggering, with slushy speech and some clumsy footsteps, but it's alright, the sun gives me some more energy but the cold makes my eyes a bit red and weary. Then I come home, just a little tired, not as alert as I would have been if I had slept a normal eight hours, but still not mentally disarranged or incapable of thinking clearly. Most of the day passes like this, and then comes night.

I suppose I should go to bed at 17 or so when my mind starts giving strange signals and my eyes fluttering around like butterflies. At times I rarely know what I'm doing, what am I doing? Writing? I focus and it comes back to me, but then it once more feels like I'm drifting away, moments I don't notice. I should probably sleep at this time, but I keep going for a few hours more until the regular sleeping hours. Work until then has been just a tiny bit slower than usual, most phrases and typmenets go on reflex, but more mistakes are made, head swiftly bobbing from side to side, ununderstanding, at times pulling itself up to get real. Nothing feels real, it feels like a dream, sometimes I wonder if it is a dream. I type strange, see as good as always but not with the regular focus or position, lots of accidental typos, I could fall asleep right now, just close my eyes and lean back. Not a good idea with this candle burning in front of me though, and here we are, cant really end this, my writings disappear. There is something in the air. All this seems so vivid and unreal, and I forget it as quickly as I type it. Then I get up and go to the bathroom, my head clears, wash my hands, water in my hair, everything is fresh and focused again, but after just ten minutes back by the screens everything starts drifting away. I don't think I'd be able to stay awake more than one extra day, and the record is, what was it now, forty? Impossible...

For the note, this yesterday I wrote, just posting it today. I slept for a good seven hours if you'd like to know, went to bed right after this funky movie at two, woke up ten, I still feel a little tired again, a dormant headache in my skull, but the weather is clear, the day aint so dull, think I'll go to bed a bit earlier today. :)

Four Chans
The Original
The Archive
The Unknown
The Collection

Grand 2009


And then it appeared! Bam! And then it was there! Buff! And now for some mildly poetical stuff and partly party:

The new year appeared
Have a tear in my eye
Hey the new year is here
Let us fly to the sky

Where the fire flowers bloom
And the dust floats around
And it falls until morning
And it falls to the ground

There's a stench in the air
Far away yet so near
I think I like it
And the sky no more clear

It looks just like before
But I know there is more
I know that something is different
The new year is here for

My 19th time! Finally, Happy New Year! In all hopes that it will be the best one yet, one we will most definitely never forget, and treasure for the rest of our leisurable lifes! ;)


I had goals last year, and my visions never decrease. Here's what I believe I can achieve, hope, and want to do. Challenges I've set for me:

  • Stop hesitating
  • Stay in good shape
  • Write one poem for each day of the year
  • Reach 20,000 Posts/Reviews at NG
  • Earn at least twice as much money on my websites as I spend on them
  • Save up 100K SEK

May they all come true like good dreams do, a second salute rises here!


Time to invision my visions for the years, for all to view and hear, at least all those whom are here. ;) I think the new year will be: normal, different, disappointing, regretful, routined, opportunistic, warmer in summer, colder in winter, freer, poorer in resources, richer in knowledge, more organized and with a balanced generally slower but totally much more efficient working flow. All hopes to the new year, a third salute!


I didn't get my exiting zombie novel published in time for Christmas, but who cares, there's always a next year! And for those who DO want to buy my stuff, I have, for this grand occasion, opened up my very own web shop, featuring clothing, handmade originalities & of course, lots o literate masterpieces (all that will be up, sometime, this January)! As you know, I haven't published any books yet, but there are currently two that you can already pre-order as I type them onto my PC and fix the amazingly large amount of unfactual data, garbage grammar and typographical typos. Go go go, shopping!! Or at least take a look at what I'm selling, pretty please? And to everyone, Happy new year, for the 4th time!


Last year I posted weekly summarizations of my life, this year I'll try something different, monthly projects, each with a specific theme. I start out with JukeBox January, a month in which I will be submitting at one jukebox, in flash, featuring artists from the New Grounds AP to the New Grounds FP, every day! I was planning to call this month Jackshit January, since this whole event might be just as useless as an empty box of cookies, but since there are two more months starting with J I decided to save the word. Who knows, I might need it. :) I have ideas for all eleven remaining months too, but I'll hold on to them for a while, some may not make it, and my plans will definitely change with change. You can keep an eye on the flashes that arrive on my NG page, or on the newly opened up JB (stands of JukeBox) section on CDB! Happy new year, for the 5th time!


I don't always wake up with visions, or inspiration flowing fresh in rivers as I dress, but I did decide that despite this B side, I would write one poem for each day of this new year! Poetry without specified length or genre, all to be put inside a book when 2009 is over. You can pre-order it already, if you like, and the poems will be posted daily to this new public blog opened up exclusively for "Project 2009". Some poems will be better than others, some days as well, but regardless of how much of a masterpiece (or not) this work turns out to be in the end, it will be different challenge to work on. :) Happy new year, for the 6th time!

Anime Reason

Anime Reason Banner

Do you watch anime? If so, why do you watch anime? If not, why don't you watch anime? If so, why don't you do watch anime? If not, why do you don't do watch anime? If so, why don't you do do don't watch anime you? I made a website to find this out, will be posting it to a few forums here and there in January, and I hope a fair amount of people navigate their way there to post their insights in the animatter too! You can find the website right here. Did a diddy deal of planning before uploading, so it's fully workable and I don't have any future features planned. If you do though, I don't mind getting a few ideas by mail. Let me know if I spelled something wrong or left a secret easter egg somewhere *hint hint* or something. ;)

UPD: Site is down, link directs to a mirror now.

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Keeping the world since 2004.