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Three Reviews, Old New Exclusive Unposted Edition! X2

What are the odds. I was just thinking about posting a few reviews for a couple of movies I watched yesterday when I stumbled upon a bunch of reviews I wrote about a year back but never posted. I know I never posted them because I searched the whole site with a quick SnR, so this is all completely new material. Completely old, I mean. :P The missing typos are new though, anyhow, enjoy.

Croc (2007)

Is it comedy? Is it drama? Is it horror? I really have no idea, but it would have been a great movie if it wasn't for the extremely crappily made digital effects. The plot features a wise old croc, filled with rage, migrated to some tropical paradise due to global warming, bent on killing as many innocent humans as possible (well, not all of them innocents, but humans nevertheless). And we all know that when animals (other than humans) mess with humans, they get shot, stabbed, or in one way or another killed. As is probably the case here, or is it? I'm not telling you, wouldn't want to spoil the story for you already. A very realistic plot line indeed though.

Anyhow, the actors are decent, the sounds are good, the scenery is varied, the filming is neatly done. All and all it's a good movie, not above average, nor is it below.

 rated 3/5: not bad

The Untouchables (1987)

Al Capone runs the city, all of it. Chicago is a changed place. He has the police on his payroll, the politicians, the lawyers, everyone. He's untouchable. Then one day a small and unlikely group of people gather together to stop him once and for all. Al Capone isn't too frightened, he knows his power, and he has no doubts that they wont win against him. One by one the team gets killed, but they manage to get their mission accomplished regardless. It's a beautiful film, nicely put together, with great concept and character. Though I would have liked seeing Al Paccino play the villain instead of Robert De Niro. He would have given the role so much more emotion. Anyhow, if you haven't seen this movie yet, and you like action/gangster/action, watch it.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Jumper (2008)

Turns out there have been two classes battling each other even since the days of medieval. They're called Jumpers, and they're called Paladins, and the battle still hasn't ended today. Jumpers have the power to teleport. Paladins don't like that power, they try to erase it. This is the story about a young boy who discovers his powers, learns to use them, and kills his foes. It's really much more than that, but I'll keep it short. The actors do their job, the filmography is stylish and the soundtrack blends in so smoothly you barely hear it. I've heard a lot of critique against this movie, but it's not at all as bad as they say it is. I recommend it.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle


Movies That Moved Me

I had almost forgotten how good movies can be, how deep into your soul they can reach in, how swiftly they can move you to completely new and unknown territories. I felt much more for the movies I watched way back when I first started watching and appreciating movies, not in the same great amount as I do nowadays, and with this as cause I no longer appreciate movies to the same extent as I did before I had as many classics past me to bring back and compare newly watched stuffing to. I watched The Big Hit (1998) yesterday, and Leon (1994) today, and I don't know if it was my temporary ample agony or the fact that they just made better movies during the nineties than they will ever manage to make again, but I really enjoyed them.

Unlike most cinematical flicks I've seen these past years these wouldn't let me skip through not even a minute Despite every scene not being entirely filled with action or wits, everything flowed together in a way modern movies don't seem to achieve, there was no need for effects, no flashy soundtrack, no array of gigantic explosions (well, obviously there were a couple big ones, at least) and they still formed bigger pictures than the skippy way too fast paced movies released nowadays, too few good ones. These ones I really recommend.

Blood, Guts, Carnage

Heads rolling, limbs flying and blood sprouting like water fountains. I've been running a marathon through the gross last weekend and the start of this week, shockumentaries and horror films humanity has been doomed to forget. I thought I had already seen all the bloodsplatter this mad world had to offer, but now I see how wrong I was! Reviews and Titles for the vast array of terrorous movies follow below, watched this Sunday Tuesday Monday for blood sprayed fun yay. I wonder why humanity holds such a fascination in the bizarre and dreadful, but I suppose it goes back, to the good, old, times. I shall not forget to mention this thread for brining me back into this hybrid genre of death and destruction. ;)



I broke a personal record yesterday.

I managed to watch a whooping twelve movies within the short timespan of 12 hours and still manage to do my daily magazine handouts and go on a long informative walk with my mother. I'm feeling a bit worn down today, eyes not as wide open as they usually tend to be, brain running a bit slower, maybe due to informational overload from the previous day. If you wonder how I manage to squeeze 12 movies over 2 hours long each into such a small gap of possibility, here's the answer. I kept two movies running simultaneously, trying to focus on both of them, and the intertwined speech that flowed from my speakers.

Sometimes it was tricky figuring out from which movie the music was streaming, but since the movies all had different settings and themes I grew accustomed to it. To shorten off the process even further I skipped all unnecessary intros and ending credits, and some longer parts in between. If I'd managed to squeeze yet another movie into the list it'd have been thirteen. Anyhow, the movies I watched were:


Three Reviews 14

Mmm, felt like watching movies, then I felt like reviewing. What a coincidence huh?! Here you go.

Tetsuo - The Iron Man (1988)

Despite it's title, this movie has nothing to do with the more modern American box office hit with the same name. As you can probably tell by the title this is an Asian movie, more specifically from Japan, a twisted masterpiece featuring an ordinary man apparently gone crazy, with illusions of metal parts appearing from within his body. He is not alone about this, the wires intertwine, the blood flies in fountains of hideous design and the story gets more and more confusing the further it goes. That he goes crazy is just my interpretation though, maybe it's meant to portray reality, through a twisted metamorphosis of metaphors, or maybe it's all just an outtake from some bad dream the producer once had. Regardless, it's a great movie, worth watching. Did I mention it's black and white as well? Don't let that affect you though.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

The Iron Man (2008)

20 years later this movie comes out, the Iron Man, a story based on yet another one of Marvels marvelous comics featuring a superhero more heroic than any other with less magic and more machinery and great punchlines. Great plot, great action, great filmography and digital input. I loved watching it, and if you liked Batman, Daredevil, Hellrider, etcetc, you'll love this. Is the twenty year gap pure coincidence? Did the above inspire this? In some twisted way they are related, the moral of the story is the same, the synthetic view on society. The only thing new here is the color and justice. Oh, and the superhero, the above just contained a massive amount of broken pipes and cables, but if you look behind the scenes you will see some similarities.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Suicide Club (2002)

We all know that Asians don't have the same unmoral view on Suicide as we do, and when a cute teenage pop band starts playing a happy song this big suicide streak starts with over fifty schoolgirls jumping in front of a train at the same time. It gets worse and worse, bloodier and bloodier, and eventually the police find rolls with pieces of patched skin on the scene. Not a scary movie, but disturbing and deep. If you don't mind large amounts of sometimes a bit exaggerated but still pulse boosting blood puddles, it's definitely a recommended watch. Unless you speak Japanese, be sure to get the version with English subtitles.

 rated 4/5: fo shizzle

Three Reviews 13

Return To House On Haunted Hill (2007)

The house is back to capture and kill everyone who inhabits it. This time the people visiting the house are on a hunt for hidden treasure, driven by money, just like before. More monsters, and flashbacks into the all their deaths. The main character is the daughter of one of the survivors in the prequel. The movie isn't as scary as the previous one, not at all.

The scenes are more gory, the events all take place quickly after one another and the house seems less insane than it did previously, now it's just haunted, and with a good will. The ghosts aren't ghosts, they're walking corpses, solid figures. Through the story all the events are explained, the people on the treasure hunt try to give reasons as to why things happened as they did, and the crazy doctor himself doesn't seem as mad as he did before.

Everything is nicely filmed, and sure, it has some horrifying moments in it, but basically it's just the first part once more, with everything different. The creators have been careful to switch all previous styles of murder, methods of escapes and means of intrusion to something new, and it just makes everything so predictable, all except the ending. The characters have shallow personalities, the storyline is a simple one and it just doesn't have the same amount of suspense as the prequel.

In this one it's just all blood, guts and murder. Feels like they made a sequel based simply on popular demand, the new one is just here to sell and generate cash, not to terrify or inspire. No creativity in this one. The atmosphere isn't the same as in the first, it's much brighter, much clearer, and the special effects seem even crappier than they did in the last one. Even the music has a more adventurous style to it, not one of despair and darkness. If you've seen the prequel, don't expect much of this. If you haven't seen the first one however, this will probably give a you a great deal of entertainment. It's a good movie, just not a good sequel. Sequels are supposed to be better.

At the very least, they're supposed to be as good as the original.

 rated 3/5: not bad

Sicko (2007)

The American world of medicine and health-care sure is a troublesome one. This is a great insight in social services, personal economy and the gigantic medicine companies that control everything. You'll learn a lot from this, especially if you live outside America. It's amazing how big a business this really is, and how much of the government they control and how different medical care is in different countries. Everything is nicely filmed, the narrator tells us everything smoothly, everything is easy to understand.

 rated 3/5: not bad

You Kill Me (2007)

The comical story of an icecold killer with a drinking problem and a lack of friends.

Due to a job messed up he has to take a trip to New York, where he starts working as a dressup artist for dead people. He meets people. Things happen to him. And guess what happens? Well I won't tell you, don't want to spoil the fun now, so you better watch it yourself. It's not an insanely funny movie, it's more one of those normal movies, with unordinary events, but nothing exaggerated, nothing unreal. There wont be any parts where you laugh at loud, but it's one of those movies you can watch through with a smile on your face the whole time, almost.

 rated 3/5: not bad

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