I just got interviewed! :) It's a two part deep dive into my crude art over at Newgrounds, read them here.

Dun dun dun... no April Fools over here! Find me over at NG if you need me. Each first day of April is like one huge party over there.

Happy Easter btw!

They really switched it up this year!

Hmm, suddenly I'm overwhelmed by the savage urge to buy something at the NG shop! I wonder why? :P

Why haven't I checked this before? Interesting...


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I'm speaking about this site.

Somehow it seems like I lost interest. NG is a great community, and though the years have passed and my motivation to stay there has all through time swayed I've still stayed loyal. I've collected EXP, BP & various other stats all through winter. I've blogged, posted at the forms, submitted, risen and fallen in the rankings, at times been at the very top, at times slowly singled down to just below the sight of other newgrounders.

My name is known, my name was legend, my name is .... the Cyberdevil.

In time it's lost it's mystique, the name, the Cyberdevil. From being one of the mighty gods of newgrounds, those who stood above all others, those who everyone looked up to and wanted to be like, I've become just one in a large mass. I'm special, but I'm not special, I'm just one of many other members and the giganormous amount of reviews I've written doesn't mean a thing anymore. When people see my stats they no longer think "OMG, wish I had that much" ... they think "OMG, does this guy have a life?" ... or maybe they're just subliminally jealous. ;) Either way, NG is no longer the stat-whoring community it once was, the people who are known now are the people behind the submissions, the people who make great things and the people who organize events or contribute to the community in a different way ... like arranging a meet with NG members in the UK.

I don't know where the switch took place. Earlier the artists on the website played a secondhand roll, sure they made great things, and many people watched their submissions, but most of those people were outside the community. What the community revolved around was stats. It was stats, stats and then some ... stats. Not everything was stats, but there was a large amount of people dedicated simply to rising in the rankings, and the people at the top of these rankings were gods in the eyes of all others. You could get points for voting on a submission, you could gain EXP, you could count the amount of reviews you had written, or the submissions you had sent in, basically everything had a value and I was in the middle of everything. NG was young and twisted, it brought with it a strange taste of entertainment, a form of media called flash, and it managed to collect a unique gathering of statwhores with an undying dedication to both numbers and the website. NG was a game.

Maybe the change came with the new slogan "Everything, by Everyone" (it used to be "The problems of tomorrow, today"), I think it was earlier, but somewhere the big change did come and suddenly everything didn't revolve around stats anymore (though they're still a big part of it).

When I first came to NG I must admit I really didn't have a life. I spent most of my free time at either NG, my own site, or in comics and video games. It was a crazy three years in an overally not very positive way and I wasn't very happy with life but not ever really depressed either thanks to my quick rise in the world online. Before this time I hadn't spent much time by a computer at all, games were played on rare locations and I didn't know jack shit about design or programming or any of the many things I know now, most of the things I know I picked up during these three years, and since then the computer has been a big (but much smaller than it was then) part of life.

I spent way too much time by the computer. I watched too many movies. I watched Lord of the Rings 21 times ... or is that just something I've started saying that is more myth than it is truth? I cant remember... but I know it's a movie I've watched far more than any other movie I know, and it's not even my favorite. It was just my first VHS tape, and I wasted much free time with it. VHS wasn't new at this time, but I was new to anything digital, it was a rebirth in a not-so-great way.

I got stuck in the world online and though at times I felt very at home the days and weeks did pass when I felt like the progress I made online wasn't worth anything. It doesn't exist. Really, it doesn't. Especially after long summers when I returned from a few months of sunshine and hard work and wildlife (and no computers) it felt very meaningless. At times I had a hard time picking back the habit of collecting EXP and browsing through the forums amongst other things, but eventually it all came back and I could spend hours and days doing virtually nothing. Sure I contributed, I made the community bigger, I helped other members, I gave feedback, and it felt great. I don't feel like I was just a tile in a wall, that my work there wasn't worth anything, but overtime I no longer visited New Grounds because it entertained me or captivated me as it did in the beginning, with fascinating members, creative, bloody and sometimes pretty sick submissions.

Overtime it became more like a obligation, I had to get better, I had to reach that number one spot, I had to collect more EXP! In the beginning when I was as active as I could possibly be and spent literally my whole life reviewing and voting and posting stuff I was thrilled by the progress, I rose quickly due to the masses of time I spent at NG and if I had the same amount of time today I might still have been in the same position, maybe. Now that I'm 21 and can't (and don't want to) spend the rest of my life at home in front of the computer I no longer have the time or (and thus) the motivation needed to keep going. When it comes to stat-whoring, you need to be quick, or you won't be getting anywhere, and no matter how fast some people seem to be the only thing you really need is time. Of course other factors play in as well, like your typing speed for example, if you write reviews, but the longer you keep at it the better you get and the higher you rise, and eventually when it can't get any better, it starts going downhill in one way or another. Nothing lasts forever.

In this case I'm happy it didn't last forever, I'm happy my motivation faded away because I'd hate to see myself waste the rest of my like on NG. Of course there's no real definition of using your time wisely, as long as you benefit from the use of time in one way or another (think: entertainment, education, interaction, etcetc) the time is well spent. Even if I'd gain from staying active at NG the benefits are outweighed by the side effects. Too much time spent by the computer has already made my eyesight much worse than I'd like it to be, which is causing me more trouble than it needs to. When I was at the peak of NG activity I was also bothered by isolation (in the real world) and not too good health. I don't mean I was sick or anything, I just didn't feel great, I wasn't out enough, I was pretty tense, I got fat. Things like that are destined to arise with the overuse of any online community out there, and I know there are many people who have experienced the same thing.

While I've been on NG a lot of people have been jumping off the train saying things like "I'm too old for this" or "I'm not interested anymore" or "I got a life", and though I've always known why they left and part of me envied them for being able to do so, I've still been proud in sticking to NG myself, it's become a part of me. It's like a house I don't want to sell that I need to paint and keep heated so it doesn't rot and wither away. What it all boils down to is that I've spent way too much time mowing the lawn and keeping the house in shape when I can just let the house be as it, because a house online doesn't wither. It either lives forever or disappears in a natural disaster, and no amount of activity can hinder that.

Newgrounds has meant a lot to me over the years, but now it feels like I'm losing interest.

I don't want to say that I'm moving on in life, that I've grown up or suddenly become wise, cause I haven't. NG is still a great place, I just don't feel like part of the community anymore.

I feel like the community changed and I didn't like the change so I didn't flow with it, but maybe I'm the one who changed and no longer fit into the community. I'm proud of all the stats I've gathered, but I don't feel like spending hours each day writing reviews, even if they are appriciated, nor do I feel like doing anything else there. It feels like there are other things I'd rather do instead.

This isn't a farewell. Of course I'll still check back at NG every once in a while and see how things are progressing, maybe watch a few flash submissions when time allows, and deposit some EXP when I feel like it. Actually, I'll probably still deposit everyday, but that's about all for now.

This is just a realization, this is where I am right now, and NG is no longer a path I'll walk. Instead of a home it'll be a newspaper on the table. So see you later NG, maybe, sometime, in some time...