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Time For Change

All progress depends on the unreasonable, but if those who are against new technologies; against an indiscriminately dangerous realm of high-frequency radiation are seen as the unreasonable party... then maybe 'progress' would actually be a technological regression at this point? Have we gone too far? How far can we go? How much can we consume? People. Always pushing it. For better and for worse.

Some national economists might argue that though resources aren't finite, and as such neither is the economy, the extent to which we can refine our resources is the extent of our earning. And that this is only limited by the human creativity and inventiveness - which has been shown time and time again to have no limits.

But what they miss to bring into their equation is that for each new product we create there is also a side product. For each technological advance there is an environmental sacrifice. For all progress, since the dawn of this industrial age, we have sacrificed a wealth of natural luxury that, to me, just isn't worth the advance that it's brought us.

Are we really happier today than we were a hundred years ago? And if we are: isn't this more because of the social gamificiation system we've surrounded us by, that gives us a dopamine kick each time we accomplish the most trivial task, than because we have 'progressed'?

Just like the advocates for Augmented Reality might be exhilarated at the fact that one day the AR world might integrate seamlessly with our own, and the benefits of this fictional realm be made an integral, and all the more rewarding a part of every day life, I'd like to argue that each step we take to superficialize the reward is also a step backwards in our strife to find 'true' happiness. It's a delusion of happiness. It's not real. It's a devaluation of our collective, potential; real-world bliss.

Maybe that doesn't matter to those without a spiritual connection, who'd see the potential to make this one life as rewarding as possible to be our right and our great advantage in this new time and age, because you only live once right - or at least you don't know if there is something after this life or not. Better make the most of what you have. So why does this matter to me? As the agnostic I am.

I'd like to think my gut feeling that it's WRONG would stand for something, but there's no science in gut feeling. Unless you're on laxatives or probiotics.

So how about commercial interest? If the world around us is preconditioned for us by the companies that control it, you can see how that could be abused, right? We're already bombarded by constant advertising campaigns, a brim with behavioral psychology tricks. A whole new realm of directed marketing could open up with AR. A whole new business model for such companies, sure... where all this seems to be leading me is that I am severely anti-business.

You've heard the saying that money's the root of all evil, and I hold that true on so many levels. It could be a means to accomplish something not evil, too, but why create a system that relies on monetary incentive in the first place, if the intention wasn't originally evil? If it wasn't based on greed then we would have no need for such a system.

Share and share alike is a much better mantra to me. Sharing is caring. Take and give. Trade, create, and build a society based on a creative, and caring foundation, rather than an enslaving one, where gamification becomes the indemnification against a world that is slowly falling out from our lifeless, heavily radiated, hand. I'll keep putting in that radiation bit all over because that's what this post is really all about. Bear with me.

The biggest technological advancement right now, the one I'm so heavily against, by unreasonable but hopefully a reachable popular opinion - is 5G.

The scary thing about radiation isn't that it harms us. It's that we don't realize how much.

The scary thing is that we unintentionally harm ourselves, voluntarily, for the sake of progress, as those who wish for such progress would like to make you think that is (but it's not - as per my point above).

We're already subjected to way higher doses of EMF radiation than would've been considered prudent back in the day when there was time to 'test' new technology as to be sure it was safe... if there ever was such a day. Uranium. Radiobiology. Nuclear gardening. Amalgam. Asbestos. Teflon. PFOA and PFOS. Micro plastics.

Our history's riddled with our technological mistakes, and they just keep coming, no matter how much we'd like to think we've learned from our cancerous past. We haven't learned anything. The ideas of today are as dangerous as ever, but with an ever-increased potential for their spread, and even though we know of the dangers there are people who keep lobbying for them, and denying the dangers, and even more disturbingly: those who just don't care. Or want to care. Blissful ignorance.

It seems decades of bad ideas and decisions have led to a social apathy, where we just ignore the dangers and keep on going. Maybe the notion that everything now involves the entire world makes us feel small and helpless, incapable of any important change anyway. So we do nothing instead. We become so fatalist in the face of relentless change that we lack the means or the motivation to control not our own destiny; nor that of the world as a whole.

And when we walk around like zombies, getting by on our routine dopamine kicks, siphoning our life blood via the digits in our rote-in-spleen chips, either slaves to the machines - or machines to those who take our bidding and don't want us quick, our immune system so slow we feel choked by it's grip, we just cope and that's it... then we won't even have the energy to realize, that real life: wasn't supposed to be this.

I urge you: Be unreasonable. Listen to your gut. Do what's right. Look at Greta Thunberg and realize that we do have the power to make a difference. It's never too late to make a change for the better, and right now that change is more important than ever.

On the topic of change: we gotta keep our coins too. Our currency. Material money. The only ones that benefit off of an entirely digitalized national currency are corporations and governments; all those who control. There's no way to live with personal integrity intact, to at least the level it is today, if your money is tied to you with every transactions you ever make, yet that's what most people seem to be opted for.

Don't get tricked by credit card perks and initial payment simplicity. It won't be to your benefit when that's the only option you have, and there won't be a need for perks when there's no alternative. If something's on offer, then someone benefits off of it, and that someone's probably not you. Keep paying in cash when you can, and be unreasonable there too.

Iodine Poisoning, Malaga, Turku & A Mormon

How long has it been since my last summative post here now... over a month again huh. Or does this count? Or this?

I've been writing some shorter posts lately, but there's really so much more I want to be posting. I have things to tell y'all that these puny little occasional glimpses just can't convey, and it feels like a longer one's required. Longer gone from a weekly, to a monthly, to a little bit more than monthly now. Maybe seasonal summaries are finna be the future? Hopefully not. Monthly seems doable.

It's been a pretty crazy month though, in relative terms, for an individual who typically doesn't lead such a crazy life. Last week I had my bike stolen (insurance came through, but is less than half of the original price so it seems the next one's bound to be cheaper), and just the other day I had some mild iodine poisoning.

I say mild because I didn't throw up, or have to get to the hospital ASAP, but I did toss and turn in fevers and chills the entire night, and stayed home from work the next day to recoup. Drank copious amounts of liquids, lemon balm, motherwort, and no iodine. No salt at all actually. Even if the amount of iodine you might get from salt is probably less than a mere per mille of what I had. IOW: of little risk.

It happened like this: Thursday night, I felt like I might be coming down with a cold or something, so I decided to boost my immune system a bit with a little iodine and zinc. Standard procedure. One tablet of zinc, and a drop of iodine in a glass of water, that you then whirl around a bit and consume just two teaspoons of - because it's highly concentrated.

The pipette for this particular liquid is however not the easiest to use, and so instead of one single drop in the glass I managed to spill in at least a few.

Alright. Maybe I'll just take on teaspoon instead of two. But what harm could that do? A little extra iodine is probably just an even better a boost, right? I took those teaspoons and everything was alright. No problem.

I sat by the computer for a while more, maybe an hour or two, and I started feeling a bit strange. A bit cold. Soon I was shivering uncontrollably, wondering if it could have something to do with those extra iodine drops.

I turned off the computer and grabbed a glass of water, and then another one (not because I was thirsty - because this helps flush out potential toxins), and went to bed hoping it'd calm down.

But it wouldn't calm down. The shivers got worse and worse, and I knew I should probably do something, but was so cold I didn't want to lift the blankets and get out of my bed. I rushed to my desk and grabbed my cellphone, dove back under the covers, and fumbled with the phone a while, looking for symptoms of Iodine poisoning.

No results for chills. Fevers, though. Respiratory issues. Suddenly my throat started feeling kind of strange as well... and my face was burning. Yupp, that was a symptom. Not a serious symptom, though. If you've been seriously poisoned you're supposed to vomit right away, so overuse of iodine is never a serious threat. At least that's what The Internet says.

So I stumbled downstairs, fetched another couple glasses of water, woke up my parents, spoke to my sister (she's a nutritionist) on the phone, and waited while she read up a bit more on Google... all the while the chills and convulsions finally started to calm down, and so I calmed down.

Wonder what would've happened if I didn't drink anything though.

I went to bed, took some lavender, the chills turned to a regular fever instead, and I sweated out the night in fits of fever, and sleep, and frequent bathroom breaks, and come Friday I thought it best to stay at home. Though I was feeling a lot better. Just tired. Really tired.

The fever finally dissipated entirely sometime during the afternoon.

And today it's Saturday and I'm OK! So, that's what happens if you happen to not heed the dosage instructions on an iodine bottle, and maybe take the dosage you're supposed to take if you're subjected to radioactive exposure instead (seriously, if you're ever involved in a nuclear incident then iodine is the first thing you need to get into your system - in controlled dosage).

The unpleasantness of the night before last is starting to fade (last night I slept like a stone), but it really was a pretty scary experience.

I've never been particularly careful about the natural supplements I take, because most of them are so diluted you could basically take half a jar without getting anything worse than a bout of diarrhea, but there are definitely exceptions! I know now. Be wary.

For a week after this I'll probably be a bit more restrictive with iodine in my diet, avoiding eggs, dairy products, and sea salt in larger quantities than I have to consume (salt's in everything these days - but not always sea salt), but other than that I think I'll be OK. Might still be wise to do a check-up though. I called the local health center and they offered me an appointment in June. So maybe not. Though maybe I can get checked at some other place instead.

If you happen to live outside Sweden and think that our healthcare system over here is great and awesome: it's not. Waiting times are insane. Unless you're seriously ill there's not a chance you'll get in anywhere except in the rich, reputable or private clinics, and even if you do there's no guarantee you'll get a doctor who should actually be qualified to be one.

It's a bit depressing knowing that if your life ever happens to be in real danger, than the people you might rely on to save it might not have the necessary merits to do so. You hear horror stories. They're great at fixing broken bones and taking care of regular cuts and bruises, but for anything more complex you wonder what they're teaching the docs these days. I don't have a lot of faith these days.

Hopefully that situation is better in your part of the world.

But anyway, apart from nearly poisoning myself with iodine and getting my bike stolen there have been some good things going on in my life too. I've been going to a Chropractor - four visits in at this point - and that seems to be going well. He says I really need to take care of my ergonomics, and to take a computer break at least once every 40 minutes... how long have I been writing this right now? One moment. Taking a break... Alright. Down the stairs and back again. All good. Benefits of living in a two-story home.

My next visit's in just about a month now, and before then I've vowed to get in better shape. I'm making an effort to take walks more often than I usually do - have been keeping a nightly walking routine for over a week at this point, with an exception for the one after the poisoning, yesterday, but of course that doesn't really cut it. And I do need to think more about my posture. And breaks. I'm working on it. The sun is coming up again and hopefully it'll get easier to stay motivated.

The new mic I ordered arrived last week, and I just need to get started with some recordings now. There's a few collaborations on route there just waiting on my desktop. Also waiting for motivation, time, and practice. A little more exercise and that latter part should be easier too.

I had a little creative venting burst earlier on, but otherwise I'm not writing as much as I'd want to. It's more personal messages and emails than anything constructive. I'm changing that too. I'm writing this. I just posted a dose of twelve leftover reviews as well. Maybe all you need is a little iodine poisoning to lend you a little perspective and get you going again?

As you know I've been in a DOOM Phase too. But this ain't a DOOM Phase 2 (or a DOOM 2 Phase): it's a Due Phase. Woo. Where I do my dues. And those who knew me before say who's that dude? He's so smooth and cool!

I haven't animated a thing since my last dabble a month ago, but that doesn't really matter. Writing's where it's at. That's what I want to do. I did watch a pitch from that guy who ignited that collab I was working on that part for (collab still on route btw), and it went pretty well! They also popped up his Patreon page on the live stream and I saw one of my comments on the main page. :D So hey, I've been on the Adult Swim Live Pitch stream!

Sort of.

It was a cool little event nevertheless, and I'm stoked to see what ChutneyGlaze might manage in the future. If he gets a spot on Adult Swim or not. He's got potential. He could go places. I feel like being there from the start almost makes me part of the process, but at this point I'm just a fan. Keep at it man. Great stuff. The collab was more than a month due though, apparently.

I caught that plane to Malaga too, and we had a great time there. Super awesome place! The day lasted way longer than you'd think. Our flight came in an hour late so we were checked in around 1 AM, and I didn't sleep at all the first night since people kept passing my room in the corridor - very central location, but we had a blast during the day, and the next night they probably couldn't have woken me up with anything. Woke up in time for the airport transfer though, a sturdy breakfast and a quick walk through the villa streets around the hotel. Everyone has a pool there. Got some sunburn too. In just a day. In March. They don't call it the Paradise Coast for nothing!

A week later me and my sister went to Häringe Slott (Castle) for a late Christmas present brunch, my nephew came to visit for a few days during the weekend - I bought him a three meal Birthday thing at renowned Villa Godhem too, and all three of us toured museums; had a good time, and on the same day he left I left for Tallinn. Same time too.

Spent four nights there, at three different hotels of which the final one happened to be right beside a highly trafficked street with sounds just bouncing right up through the window - they had ear plugs in the closet at least, and roamed the Old City wondering what I'd really planned this trip for... I wrote a bit, though. Hope to upload a little series of songs from that too. Soon. I know I should just record the songs and upload them right now and then post them here instead of saying that, but there's a chance this won't get posted at all if I do so for now: soon!

That place wasn't half as exotic, so no pictures, but it was fun. Good food. Good weather. Sunshine every day. Just ten degrees below what we had in Sweden during that same time.

Then last week I took a two day trip to Åbo (Turku). Cruise ship. Good ride. Spent most the time in my cabin, listening to the party people roaming the corridors, hesitant to partake in a kind of life I've just never really been introduced to, but I did get out a bit, listened to the music, watched the darkness slide by in the ocean outside, and slept like a log.

I'm learning to sleep in strange places! Progress. Didn't manage the first night in that final Tallinn hotel very well, but the second went OK!

I've also tried a couple lunches, most memorably at Dolce Italiano and Almoc Coffee Box (recommended!), went to a clothes swapping day one day and managed to get a brand new Hugo Boss tux in pure wool, am back to the movies again as of last week, and spoke to a Mormon on the train one day on the way to work. A missionary, with 16th century roots here, who had been in Sweden for two years, moving from Boden to Borlänge spreading the faith.

He spoke Swedish surprisingly well, and at the end of our session gave me a Mormon bible, in Swedish! Jesus Kristi Kyrka.

I didn't know we had that here.

I've seen him once before on the same train, at least once, when we has talking to what appeared to be a homeless person, or an alcoholic. Not sure if he saw in me a similarly pitiful state of being, but it was an intriguing talk anyway.

It's not common that Swedish people talk to other Swedish people on trains - at least not to people they don't know - but being American you can start speaking to anyone here and everyone knows that's OK. Because you're American. Take that as you will.

Felt like it was a pretty impressive commitment speaking to a stranger on each trip back and to work though, if that was what he was doing. Every day. All the time. I get the impression he did have that commitment, and it's just something you don't usually see over here. Commitment. In any kind of shape or form, but especially religious commitment.

I'm not about to turn religious just yet, but it was just inspiring to see.

I had the bible with me on the boat too (same day), but haven't started reading it yet. Read some NANA and played some Castlevania instead - until the save file corrupted. Again! More Shoujo reviews and an in-depth analysis on NDS save file corruption coming up too.

I was also hoping to write a bit about Spring, about how I've been out with shorts a few days while everyone else still cowered in their jackets, how my alarm clock played a joke on me the first of April by running out of batteries just when it was supposed to go off, about the time when there was a fire on the Odenplan escalators, my first four ice creams of the year (new reviews coming up there too), about the little wine cellar I just started in a closet under our boots or about how levain is like a special kind of sourdough, only it has to be made from pure wheat, but maybe we can leave some of those topics for some other weeks.

Spring tiredness, also... is it really a thing? Or is it a time change thing? Earlier this week I dreamt that I had massive sleep dust (just Googled that; I really like this version of it) in my eyes. Woke up so tired, and snoozed long enough that I almost fell asleep again and had to rush to the train. By foot.

I seem to get this every year though. Also just so happens that this same time last year, when I was feeling like I might be a getting a cold: I actually got a cold.

Some things sync so well it's almost like they could become routine. My yearly cold. My yearly chiropractor visits. My yearly trip to Östersund. They all started the same exact day this year as last year (though last year the chiropractor was an osteopath), and I really didn't plan any of them with that in mind. Cool, huh?

Otherwise one of my main goals this year is to not keep things going according to routine. I'm finna change things up a bit. I'm finna buy a new bike and ride a bit. I'm finna record some stuff too. Not living in the moment. You know it. Own it. Post it notes postpone shit.

Oh and that bursitis thing I went to the chiropractor to fix? Apparently my pelvis was way out of alignment, and the hip rotator cuff had been straining to make up for it, not being able to move forward on one side, or backward on the other, and hopefully we're getting that fixed now.

The instant pain disappeared after the first visit. The I-can-move-any-which-way-I-want-to-and-I-don't-feel-a-thing is going slower, but I'm almost there. Just can't sit crosslegged quite yet. Can't rotate right. Mic check.

Speaking of games: I haven't played much more GTA VC since that last post, but I've been on some Dawn Of Sorrow and RE: Revelations instead. Finna finish those up soon too, just like Plutonia.

Oh I don't think I mentioned I had a massage in Tallinn too! Hotel credit. And I've booked another trip North for the summer. Main one. Waiting on cheaper tickets again for the finale... or more if they really cheapen them up. Our plane taxes are dropping in June. Maybe then.

Until then I'm pretty much done with my bouts of quick trips for the season. I thought about getting one more just to get free baggage for a year onward (it's the Norwegian Reward for 18 flights/year), but on second thought it's not really worth it if I don't actually feel like taking the trip, and when the sunlight's found its way back here... I'm not sure I do.

The concerts take over next month too. I'm aiming for... a few of those. And old recaps. Soon.

For now though, this is plenty. Easter's coming up, and I'm looking forward to not just catching up a bit but just doing nothing.

I realize I haven't even written about work btw. We got new T-shirts there. I'm still highly appreciative of my flexible schedule, even if they'd like that I work all Fridays too when I can. So I've been doing that when I can. Of course I'd booked certain trips where Friday just happened to be one of the included days before this announcement was made so that's typical.

But they're still optional. Just feeling-the-obligation-al.

Work's going alright overall, even if I'm starting to feel a bit busy there too. Like I could make it a full-time thing after all, though I don't really want to. Don't want to burn out. Don't want to loose my hobbies. Like this. Like writing.

But was this a crazy month or what, huh? Or am I just crazy? Or have I not written enough about how crazy it was?

It's been pretty crazy from my perspective anyway, and I feel like the crazier it gets the more I evolve. The more involving the more I'm evolving. Problem solving and cognitive revolving while the cogs within us collect gall and solve them.

Until next week. Month? Whenever there's time. Peace and mind.

Don'tsmothermenow

Hey I just want to write!

Can't you see that? I yell at the impostor. I yell at the world. I yell at the poster. I yell at myself. I yell in my room. I yell on the train. I yell in the line at the supermarket with a cart full of watermelon. I yell in my mind.

The world can't hear me.

But it's not strange if I don't speak up. It's not strange they don't hear my music if I don't put it up on Spotify, Strange Music TM.

Or like Dax take it to YouTube. It's dax.

I don't know if I'm ready but I don't think I'll ever know either, though at least I have a job that lets me hone my creative skillsets while I do other things. I mean literally. I mean literal skillsets. I mean.

No I'm pretty nice tbh.

And that's another thing that bugs me. Acronyms. In LOWERCASE.

I just want to let it all out here. I want to let y'all know. I want to be like Nietz sometimes and just let all flow. I know I live a protective life in a projective world, but I vent, even if I can't extend my arm to the slimy underbelly I know through my penthome door. Just want to vent some more. Give me air. Need to breath. Psychological asthma. Haaaaaa. Nhhhhh. Phhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Phhhhhones.

They should leave the wires.

Coppers.

Stop getting musicians off the street.

Music.

Is what we need to live.

Notes.

Don't take them.

Freestyle.

...

It all goes so much better when I write it like this. Like it's meant to be: written. Like spoken word... just ain't my thing. I'll relapse to this like that ellipses.

Bang.

And if I record I can keep the beat.

The Vernal Holi (day)

It's the first day of spring today! AKA The Vernal Equinox.

A co-worker reminded me. It doesn't really look like it but it does feel different. It's getting brighter. The sun is up on the slow train from work - I'm reading a book about how to make a tree. The streets are free from winter gravel on the way home - hastily swept up by clumsy machines. Humans will do the second sweep. Robots aren't all this awesome. Yet.

Over in the Hindi hemisphere it's currently Holi(day)! The air's dusty with color, and celebrations sound all over town. Thanks for the well-wishes DIWAKAR! May the day by golly be holly. Hey.

I ordered a new microphone a couple of days ago, and it's arrived. It's waiting in a probably dark compartment in a recently closed shop.

It's a Shure SM58. A legend. A considerable upgrade from my previous no-name dynamic DM-2. A new pop filter should be in the same box, so I can finally discard the nylon sock on a wire, and a portable mic stand too so I can try the other condenser without holding it, which probably drastically reduced the effects of the vibration shield last time I tried it. But wait... I couldn't even get it working last time. Missing drivers? I shall try again.

If that doesn't work though I'm pretty confident that dynamic's the way to go. It can take a beating. It can take some noise. It's good for hiphopping. For heaving a voice. It's the evening of choice! Things be popping. Steady improvements. The barren wasteland's about to bloom: room about to turn into a studio: studio about to go boom.

Hope to pick up the Shure tomorrow anyway, and I'm heading off on my last quick trip (last before summer... maybe) this weekend. And after that: I'm overdue to make some tunes.

Spring does feel pretty soon.

Procrastination Bastion 2019

So I relapsed.

Earlier this week. I was looking for something to watch and I stumbled upon Black Lightning, a TV show about a black hero who fights gang crime to keep his two daughters safe. Relevant, right? Principal by day, vigilante by night.

The effects were cool, and the relations intriguing - you want to see how they evolve, but the we-made-this-to-last-as-long-as-viewers-and-budget-let-us faux pas shines through, and thus I don't want to waste my time on it. I watched the first episode and that was that.

Then I opened up DOOM and played through almost all of the fourth episode. Classic Doom. With GZ. And Brutal.

I played the rest the next day, and (I assume almost most of) TNT after that, and the rest of that the next day. Plutonia up next?

It's been a while since last time. Even though I consider myself a pretty hardcore Doomer at this point I keep running into new secrets, and committing level routes to memory. For the first time I think I didn't spend hours trying to find the exit in Wormhole - I went into the dungeons by choice, to as Metallica say: Kill 'em All. And I'm remembering that TNT was not my favorite one of the two unofficial extra episodes. It was the one with mazes and enclosed spaces and puzzles I never really figured out.

I'm still having fun with the game, but I'm also disappointed because I'm almost purposefully staying up late again, and eating snacks, and browsing through BBS BS, and posting one of these by effort redeeming posts about it again.

Despite my best intentions it seems that whenever life is going well I turn to time waste to distract myself. Maybe because I'm nervous. Maybe because I'm stressed. Maybe because I'm scared of progress. Maybe because I'm slightly depressed. Maybe because I'm just tired.

Who knows.

I'm taking extra walks, I exercise, I try to be efficient and then I play DOOM for two hours and eat a bar of chocolate. What the hell man.

I swear good things are coming fast though! I've just got to catch some cash flow. Plans supplement out that stomach: I'm gonna defrag and fraction. Life's a kneecap on traction. And like they say about Boyka: good knee, bad knee, no knee - he's still going Oni.

Oh me? Maybe I'll go play the Bungie phony and get a slow meal.

Today Is...

Dentist’s Day.

Alright. I think the partial party trilogy might have to be put on pause with this one... it's a bit too teethy for my tastes, this one. I have a phobia for parties like this. Don't bite what you can't chew. Or shoo, away with you; onto beaches, sand, and sunshine. We'll finish this party... some time.

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