Haven't forgotten about that Fire Week! I've been down with a cold so not high on sleep. I'd like to record but I still sound like *bleep* - I know you're impatient - don't take it out on me.
I've been compound grinding on, look out through the blinds at three! Short sleeping sessions don't bring out to the shout in me. But it's alright, I won't take another route and flee. I'll be a proud emcee. You can look down and see.
It's been a while, but I've polishing up my rhymes on leave. So now when I open my mouth out comes the sound with ease. Or maybe not. Maybe I forgot/no time was free. But I'll catch up, I'll get a round, then go ground my beef.
Live without regret. Live without woes or malice. Have no foes, just balance. Stop counting crows and ballots. When life's a mess; it all just seems a hopeless haggis. Just take a breath, look around - get in your focus status.
I've been around. I've been coasting slow on hopeless habits, but I cope with madness, and find a flow that's savage. And with time a peace. If just a piece I'll manage. It's time to grease my elbows, and speak some Spanish! So thin the veil, I think I'll sail, don't sink my tail. It's been a whale.
I'm back, btw. Catching up. But we really need to do something about this plastic.
I guess it was the peak of the wave with the fall behind it after all.
I totally fell off the track again after this. It's been a hectic week, and then some, but not a bad one. And then some. Maybe I wrote one of those way-too-long posts again. Took me like two weeks to get through it all.
Since last Sunday (started writing this a couple days ago) I've managed those six reviews though, and more, and hhere's that promised blog. Plus a bunch of new reviews on old movies like this one. Which are giving me a new dilemma: should I base the movie ratings on the main list on the original review score, or the latest one?
This one differs - as do some others.
Anyway: since the last longer blog I've done some things. My nephew stopped by this past weekend, and we toured the city - initially by Voi. It's one of a select few electric scooter brands that are taking over over here, and let me tell you they are fun! I understand why they're spreading.
But they're also hella dangerous, way too easy to accelerate, and brake, and since you pay per minute it seems a lot of people just go as fast as they can with them and don't stop for anything.
Plus they're not just parked by walls or corners, but often in the middle of the sidewalk, which is a bit troublesome for blind people. And other people. They seem to be spreading so fast that public safety regulations can't keep up.
Supposedly they say it might be good to wear a helmet too, but I think I've yet to see anyone wield one. We certainly didn't.
At least they only run at 20 km/h, right beside and often in the middle of and sometimes straight over highly trafficked inner city roads. Hmm.
But it was fun. We managed to stop by Bergianska trädgården as well, Nationalmuseet, Millegården - including the cafe - amazing place if you're ever in Stockholm, Restaurang Tang, Blueberry; stayed up till three each night and cooked up a delicious brunch each morning. Both of them.
Twas a quick visit, but probably sounds way more tiring than it was. I actually felt more energetic than I have both the week before and the week after - better bedtime habits or no. My bedtime habits are hella crap right now actually. I'm trying to fix that. Check the post time to see if I managed.
I celebrated midsummer with some relatives the weekend before this great city tour, on two days, and attained some short-lived revelations then too on how hanging out with people you like to hang out with actually feels way more important than chipping away at the site, and hanging around at home alone.
But also how sitting by the site, late night, after hanging out with said buddies seems even better. So conclusively I just really need to find a balance; live in the best of both worlds. Both the intro and extro.
So midsummer was great too, and on the second day this happened.
I closed the vents and wrote a song, and hoped I'd have it recorded before summer but since then time has just blazed by. It makes you realize how fleeting everything is though; that al of this might disappear just like that. This site. The house. Everything. You never know. Better make the most of your life while you're living it, and don't get fixated on things that won't be of any benefit to you in the long run.
Especially if they're not even of benefit in the short one.
About that 5G thing? I'm still keeping myself informed. Watched this interview just now (it's in Swedish), and borrowed an EMF meter a couple weeks back to measure the house. Ca 0.100 - 0.200 mW on the lower floor, going towards 0,400 by the wall to our neighbor (assuming WiFi). Upstairs that jumped to around 0,400 mW in the hallway, and the walls towards the train tracks, with closer to 0,600 towards our neighbors, again. Going around the rooms the signal jumped occasionally, spiking at over 1,500, and sometimes around 0.700 or 0.800 mW. My bed was alright - less than 0.200, and ground level was pretty low too.
Close to the shungite stones I've imported the measurements dropped to 0.200 or less - even by the strongest sources. They work!
Also that Sting concert I spoke about earlier was CRAZY. It was so packed that even at the very back people tried to push themselves further in, but just couldn't get anywhere. I stood in a line for fish n' chips for over an hour and didn't even get halfway - and then the show started - so I gave up, managed to make my way to a safer spot at the edge of the crazy crowd and enjoyed the music. Spoke to and brushed up against so many more people than I usually do at these events too. Humans are herd animals after all.
Just can't not think about the massive doses of electromagnetic radiation going on in those enclosed spaces too... actually, for this particular concert maybe I did forget about that. It was special. I've been to a few other albeit not nearly as packed ones before and after, and the movies too. I'm a gold member for another year now (let's see if anyone catches that reference).
Sting managed to time the show in the middle of a heatwave too btw.
That definitely contributed to the peepwave.
In other news CDB has moved servers. I didn't get any warning prior to the move, but they overlapped server connections during the DNS propagation, so for all of y'all it should have been seamless. I just had to copy over some content I'd edited right before the move since they didn't notify me - hope you didn't lose any comments @S3C! They redirected everything on the back-end right away so I couldn't check.
I've cut my hair too. By myself! First time ever. Was trying to precision cut the back of my head after I'd successfully fixed up the rest of it - and I just couldn't do it! Started trimming a bit and... whoops, a bit too far. Evened out the line a bit more and then... whoops, bad angle on the side. Just have to even out that line a bit more and... this is hella hard to do when you're holding your hand behind your head, and holding in a mirror behind your head for guidance; looking at that mirror in the mirror in front of you.
Fortunately I gave up before I totally messed up the back of my head, took the bike into town an hour before I had to leave for the midsummer party, the barber was fortunately free, and open for business, and he fixed it free of charge! Phew. Real thankful. I'll get a full haircut there someday. Promise. And I shall master cutting my own hair properly too, however that might be done. Maybe the barber might advice... even if it clearly goes against his financial interests.
If the past three weeks were summed up with three words it'd be: work, backups, and tiredness. Stress. A brewing birthday anxiety. I really can't wait for vacation right now, and just leaving all of this behind me. Peace of mind. Too much has been picking up all too quickly, though I also just received an honorable podcast invite and a new collaboration thing that I am a bit reluctant to leave. Unfortunate timing, but hopefully they can wait. When I get back: I'm getting on track.
Moral of this post though: don't write 36 movie reviews in a week. Not unless you actually have one or two free days to go through them. If you don't it just takes so much longer.
But that's all good now. Stress levels are high but I feel I've managed the most important things at this point, just need to revise some of these recent rambles, post posting... if time runs out maybe I'll postpone that until I'm back, and maybe I'll post again before I leave.
If not: Have an amazing summer! Rest up. Relax. Do what you need to, and want to, but don't forget to breath too.
The season's short and fleeting, but peace be with you! Greetings.
All progress depends on the unreasonable, but if those who are against new technologies; against an indiscriminately dangerous realm of high-frequency radiation, are seen as the unreasonable party... then maybe 'progress' would actually be a technological regression at this point?
Have we gone too far? How far can we go? How much can we consume? People. Always pushing it. For better and for worse.
Some national economists might argue that though resources aren't finite, and as such neither is the economy, the extent to which we can refine our resources is the extent of our earning. And that this is only limited by the human creativity and inventiveness - which has been shown time and time again to have no limits. Thus there is no limit to our potential growth.
But what they miss to bring into their equation is that for each new product we create there is also a side product. For each technological advance there is an environmental sacrifice. For all progress, since the dawn of this industrial age, we have sacrificed a wealth of natural luxury that, to me, just isn't worth the advance that it's brought us.
Are we really happier today than we were a hundred years ago? And if we are: isn't this more because of the social gamificiation system we've surrounded us by, that gives us a dopamine kick each time we accomplish the most trivial task, than because we have 'progressed'?
Just like the advocates for Augmented Reality might be exhilarated at the fact that one day the AR world might integrate seamlessly with our own, and the benefits of this fictional realm be made an integral, and all the more rewarding a part of every day life, I'd like to argue that each step we take to superficialize the reward is also a step backwards in our strife to find 'true' happiness. It's a delusion of happiness. It's not real.
It's a devaluation of our collective, potential; real-world bliss.
Maybe that doesn't matter to those without a spiritual connection, who'd see the potential to make this one life as rewarding as possible to be our right and our great advantage in this new time and age, because you only live once, right? Or at least you don't know if there is something after this life or not. Better make the most of what you have.
So why does this matter to me? As the agnostic I am.
I'd like to think my gut feeling that it's WRONG would stand for something, but there's no science in gut feeling. Unless you're on laxatives or probiotics (which I am, but that's a different story).
So how about commercial interest? If the world around us is preconditioned for us by the companies that control it, you can see how that could be abused, right? We're already bombarded by constant advertising campaigns, abrim with behavioral psychology tricks.
A whole new realm of directed marketing could open up with AR. A whole new business model for such companies. Sure...
Where all this seems to be leading me is that I am severely anti-business.
You've probably heard the saying that money's the root of all evil, and I hold that true on so many levels.
It could be a means to accomplish something not evil, too, but why create a system that relies on monetary incentive in the first place, if the intention wasn't inherently evil? If it wasn't based on greed then we would have no need for such a system, and what's greed if not evil? It's definitely not good.
Share and share alike is a much better mantra to me.
Sharing is caring.
Take and give.
Trade, create, and build a society based on a creative, and caring foundation, rather than an enslaving one, where gamification becomes the indemnification against a world that is slowly falling out from our lifeless, heavily radiated, hand.
I'll keep putting in that radiation bit all over because that's what this post is really all about. Bear with me.
The biggest technological advancement right now, the one I'm so heavily against - by unreasonable but hopefully a reachable popular opinion - is 5G.
The scary thing about radiation isn't that it harms us. It's that we can't see how much.
The effects are gradual, and the radiation invisible. In dangerously high doses you might perceive it as heat. In lower doses as tiredness, nausea, a ringing in your ears, headaches; a myriad of common symptoms that could also be due to stress, sleeplessness or simpler and less harmful, temporary states of being.
The scary thing is also that we unintentionally harm ourselves, voluntarily, for the sake of progress, as those who wish for such progress would like to make you think that is (but it's not - as per my point above).
We're already subjected to way higher doses of EMF radiation than would've been considered prudent back in the day when there was time to 'test' new technology as to be sure it was safe... if there ever was such a day. Uranium. Radiobiology. Nuclear gardening. Amalgam. Asbestos. Teflon. PFOA and PFOS. Micro plastics...
Maybe there never was.
Our history's riddled with our technological mistakes, and they just keep coming, no matter how much we'd like to think we've learned from our cancerous past.
We haven't learned anything. The ideas of today are as dangerous as ever, but with an ever-increased potential for their spread, and even though we know of the dangers there are people who keep lobbying for them, and denying the dangers, and even more disturbingly: those who just don't care.
Or don't want to care. Those who live their lives in blissful ignorance.
It seems that decades of bad ideas and decisions have led to a social apathy, where we just ignore the dangers and keep on going.
Maybe the notion that everything now involves the entire world makes us feel small and helpless - incapable of any important change.
So we do nothing. We become so fatalist in the face of relentless change that we lack the means or the motivation to control not our own destiny; nor that of the world as a whole.
And when we walk around like zombies, getting by on our routine dopamine kicks, siphoning our life blood via the digits in our rote-in-spleen chips, either slaves to the machines - or machines to those who take our bidding and don't want us quick, our immune system so slow we feel choked by it's grip, we just cope and that's it... then we won't even have the energy to realize, that real life: wasn't supposed to be this.
I urge you: Be unreasonable. Listen to your gut. Do what's right. Look at Greta Thunberg and realize that we do have the power to make a difference. It's never too late to make a change for the better, and right now that change is more important than ever.
On the topic of change: we gotta keep our coins too. Our currency. Material money. The only ones that benefit off of an entirely digitalized national currency are corporations and governments; all those who control.
There's no way to live with personal integrity intact, to at least the level it is today, if your money is tied to you with every transaction you ever make, yet that's what most people seem to be opting for.
Don't get tricked by credit card perks and initial payment simplicity.
It won't be to your benefit when that's the only option you have, and there won't be a need for perks when there's no alternative.
If something's on offer, then someone benefits off of it, and that someone's probably not you. So keep paying in cash when you can - no matter how people look at you - or how many don't want you to.
It's time for change. And it always was.
The unreasonable way.
I've been writing some shorter posts lately, but there's really so much more I want to be posting. I have things to tell y'all that these puny little occasional glimpses just can't convey, and it feels like a longer one's required. Longer gone from a weekly, to a monthly, to a little bit more than monthly now. Maybe seasonal summaries are finna be the future? Hopefully not. Monthly seems doable.
It's been a pretty crazy month though, in relative terms, for an individual who typically doesn't lead such a crazy life. Last week I had my bike stolen (insurance came through, but is less than half of the original price so it seems the next one's bound to be cheaper), and just the other day I had some mild iodine poisoning.
I say mild because I didn't throw up, or have to get to the hospital ASAP, but I did toss and turn in fevers and chills the entire night, and stayed home from work the next day to recoup. Drank copious amounts of liquids, lemon balm, motherwort, and no iodine. No salt at all actually. Even if the amount of iodine you might get from salt is probably less than a mere per mille of what I had. IOW: of little risk.
It happened like this: Thursday night, I felt like I might be coming down with a cold or something, so I decided to boost my immune system a bit with a little iodine and zinc. Standard procedure. One tablet of zinc, and a drop of iodine in a glass of water, that you then whirl around a bit and consume just two teaspoons of - because it's highly concentrated.
The pipette for this particular liquid is however not the easiest to use, and so instead of one single drop in the glass I managed to spill in at least a few.
Alright. Maybe I'll just take on teaspoon instead of two. But what harm could that do? A little extra iodine is probably just an even better a boost, right? I took those teaspoons and everything was alright. No problem.
I sat by the computer for a while more, maybe an hour or two, and I started feeling a bit strange. A bit cold. Soon I was shivering uncontrollably, wondering if it could have something to do with those extra iodine drops.
I turned off the computer and grabbed a glass of water, and then another one (not because I was thirsty - because this helps flush out potential toxins), and went to bed hoping it'd calm down.
But it wouldn't calm down. The shivers got worse and worse, and I knew I should probably do something, but was so cold I didn't want to lift the blankets and get out of my bed. I rushed to my desk and grabbed my cellphone, dove back under the covers, and fumbled with the phone a while, looking for symptoms of Iodine poisoning.
No results for chills. Fevers, though. Respiratory issues. Suddenly my throat started feeling kind of strange as well... and my face was burning. Yupp, that was a symptom. Not a serious symptom, though. If you've been seriously poisoned you're supposed to vomit right away, so overuse of iodine is never a serious threat. At least that's what The Internet says.
So I stumbled downstairs, fetched another couple glasses of water, woke up my parents, spoke to my sister (she's a nutritionist) on the phone, and waited while she read up a bit more on Google... all the while the chills and convulsions finally started to calm down, and so I calmed down.
Wonder what would've happened if I didn't drink anything though.
I went to bed, took some lavender, the chills turned to a regular fever instead, and I sweated out the night in fits of fever, and sleep, and frequent bathroom breaks, and come Friday I thought it best to stay at home. Though I was feeling a lot better. Just tired. Really tired.
The fever finally dissipated entirely sometime during the afternoon.
And today it's Saturday and I'm OK! So, that's what happens if you happen to not heed the dosage instructions on an iodine bottle, and maybe take the dosage you're supposed to take if you're subjected to radioactive exposure instead (seriously, if you're ever involved in a nuclear incident then iodine is the first thing you need to get into your system - in controlled dosage).
The unpleasantness of the night before last is starting to fade (last night I slept like a stone), but it really was a pretty scary experience.
I've never been particularly careful about the natural supplements I take, because most of them are so diluted you could basically take half a jar without getting anything worse than a bout of diarrhea, but there are definitely exceptions! I know now. Be wary.
For a week after this I'll probably be a bit more restrictive with iodine in my diet, avoiding eggs, dairy products, and sea salt in larger quantities than I have to consume (salt's in everything these days - but not always sea salt), but other than that I think I'll be OK. Might still be wise to do a check-up though. I called the local health center and they offered me an appointment in June. So maybe not. Though maybe I can get checked at some other place instead.
If you happen to live outside Sweden and think that our healthcare system over here is great and awesome: it's not. Waiting times are insane. Unless you're seriously ill there's not a chance you'll get in anywhere except in the rich, reputable or private clinics, and even if you do there's no guarantee you'll get a doctor who should actually be qualified to be one.
It's a bit depressing knowing that if your life ever happens to be in real danger, than the people you might rely on to save it might not have the necessary merits to do so. You hear horror stories. They're great at fixing broken bones and taking care of regular cuts and bruises, but for anything more complex you wonder what they're teaching the docs these days. I don't have a lot of faith these days.
Hopefully that situation is better in your part of the world.
But anyway, apart from nearly poisoning myself with iodine and getting my bike stolen there have been some good things going on in my life too. I've been going to a Chropractor - four visits in at this point - and that seems to be going well. He says I really need to take care of my ergonomics, and to take a computer break at least once every 40 minutes... how long have I been writing this right now? One moment. Taking a break... Alright. Down the stairs and back again. All good. Benefits of living in a two-story home.
My next visit's in just about a month now, and before then I've vowed to get in better shape. I'm making an effort to take walks more often than I usually do - have been keeping a nightly walking routine for over a week at this point, with an exception for the one after the poisoning, yesterday, but of course that doesn't really cut it. And I do need to think more about my posture. And breaks. I'm working on it. The sun is coming up again and hopefully it'll get easier to stay motivated.
The new mic I ordered arrived last week, and I just need to get started with some recordings now. There's a few collaborations on route there just waiting on my desktop. Also waiting for motivation, time, and practice. A little more exercise and that latter part should be easier too.
I had a little creative venting burst earlier on, but otherwise I'm not writing as much as I'd want to. It's more personal messages and emails than anything constructive. I'm changing that too. I'm writing this. I just posted a dose of twelve leftover reviews as well. Maybe all you need is a little iodine poisoning to lend you a little perspective and get you going again?
As you know I've been in a DOOM Phase too. But this ain't a DOOM Phase 2 (or a DOOM 2 Phase): it's a Due Phase. Woo. Where I do my dues. And those who knew me before say who's that dude? He's so smooth and cool!
I haven't animated a thing since my last dabble a month ago, but that doesn't really matter. Writing's where it's at. That's what I want to do. I did watch a pitch from that guy who ignited that collab I was working on that part for (collab still on route btw), and it went pretty well! They also popped up his Patreon page on the live stream and I saw one of my comments on the main page. :D So hey, I've been on the Adult Swim Live Pitch stream!
It was a cool little event nevertheless, and I'm stoked to see what ChutneyGlaze might manage in the future. If he gets a spot on Adult Swim or not. He's got potential. He could go places. I feel like being there from the start almost makes me part of the process, but at this point I'm just a fan. Keep at it man. Great stuff. The collab was more than a month due though, apparently.
I caught that plane to Malaga too, and we had a great time there. Super awesome place! The day lasted way longer than you'd think. Our flight came in an hour late so we were checked in around 1 AM, and I didn't sleep at all the first night since people kept passing my room in the corridor - very central location, but we had a blast during the day, and the next night they probably couldn't have woken me up with anything. Woke up in time for the airport transfer though, a sturdy breakfast and a quick walk through the villa streets around the hotel. Everyone has a pool there. Got some sunburn too. In just a day. In March. They don't call it the Paradise Coast for nothing!
A week later me and my sister went to Häringe Slott (Castle) for a late Christmas present brunch, my nephew came to visit for a few days during the weekend - I bought him a three meal Birthday thing at renowned Villa Godhem too, and all three of us toured museums; had a good time, and on the same day he left I left for Tallinn. Same time too.
Spent four nights there, at three different hotels of which the final one happened to be right beside a highly trafficked street with sounds just bouncing right up through the window - they had ear plugs in the closet at least, and roamed the Old City wondering what I'd really planned this trip for... I wrote a bit, though. Hope to upload a little series of songs from that too. Soon. I know I should just record the songs and upload them right now and then post them here instead of saying that, but there's a chance this won't get posted at all if I do so for now: soon!
That place wasn't half as exotic, so no pictures, but it was fun. Good food. Good weather. Sunshine every day. Just ten degrees below what we had in Sweden during that same time.
Then last week I took a two day trip to Åbo (Turku). Cruise ship. Good ride. Spent most the time in my cabin, listening to the party people roaming the corridors, hesitant to partake in a kind of life I've just never really been introduced to, but I did get out a bit, listened to the music, watched the darkness slide by in the ocean outside, and slept like a log.
I'm learning to sleep in strange places! Progress. Didn't manage the first night in that final Tallinn hotel very well, but the second went OK!
I've also tried a couple lunches, most memorably at Dolce Italiano and Almoc Coffee Box (recommended!), went to a clothes swapping day one day and managed to get a brand new Hugo Boss tux in pure wool, am back to the movies again as of last week, and spoke to a Mormon on the train one day on the way to work. A missionary, with 16th century roots here, who had been in Sweden for two years, moving from Boden to Borlänge spreading the faith.
He spoke Swedish surprisingly well, and at the end of our session gave me a Mormon bible, in Swedish! Jesus Kristi Kyrka.
I didn't know we had that here.
I've seen him once before on the same train, at least once, when we has talking to what appeared to be a homeless person, or an alcoholic. Not sure if he saw in me a similarly pitiful state of being, but it was an intriguing talk anyway.
It's not common that Swedish people talk to other Swedish people on trains - at least not to people they don't know - but being American you can start speaking to anyone here and everyone knows that's OK. Because you're American. Take that as you will.
Felt like it was a pretty impressive commitment speaking to a stranger on each trip back and to work though, if that was what he was doing. Every day. All the time. I get the impression he did have that commitment, and it's just something you don't usually see over here. Commitment. In any kind of shape or form, but especially religious commitment.
I'm not about to turn religious just yet, but it was just inspiring to see.
I had the bible with me on the boat too (same day), but haven't started reading it yet. Read some NANA and played some Castlevania instead - until the save file corrupted. Again! More Shoujo reviews and an in-depth analysis on NDS save file corruption coming up too.
I was also hoping to write a bit about Spring, about how I've been out with shorts a few days while everyone else still cowered in their jackets, how my alarm clock played a joke on me the first of April by running out of batteries just when it was supposed to go off, about the time when there was a fire on the Odenplan escalators, my first four ice creams of the year (new reviews coming up there too), about the little wine cellar I just started in a closet under our boots or about how levain is like a special kind of sourdough, only it has to be made from pure wheat, but maybe we can leave some of those topics for some other weeks.
Spring tiredness, also... is it really a thing? Or is it a time change thing? Earlier this week I dreamt that I had massive sleep dust (just Googled that; I really like this version of it) in my eyes. Woke up so tired, and snoozed long enough that I almost fell asleep again and had to rush to the train. By foot.
I seem to get this every year though. Also just so happens that this same time last year, when I was feeling like I might be a getting a cold: I actually got a cold.
Some things sync so well it's almost like they could become routine. My yearly cold. My yearly chiropractor visits. My yearly trip to Östersund. They all started the same exact day this year as last year (though last year the chiropractor was an osteopath), and I really didn't plan any of them with that in mind. Cool, huh?
Otherwise one of my main goals this year is to not keep things going according to routine. I'm finna change things up a bit. I'm finna buy a new bike and ride a bit. I'm finna record some stuff too. Not living in the moment. You know it. Own it. Post it notes postpone shit.
Oh and that bursitis thing I went to the chiropractor to fix? Apparently my pelvis was way out of alignment, and the hip rotator cuff had been straining to make up for it, not being able to move forward on one side, or backward on the other, and hopefully we're getting that fixed now.
The instant pain disappeared after the first visit. The I-can-move-any-which-way-I-want-to-and-I-don't-feel-a-thing is going slower, but I'm almost there. Just can't sit crosslegged quite yet. Can't rotate right. Mic check.
Speaking of games: I haven't played much more GTA VC since that last post, but I've been on some Dawn Of Sorrow and RE: Revelations instead. Finna finish those up soon too, just like Plutonia.
Oh I don't think I mentioned I had a massage in Tallinn too! Hotel credit. And I've booked another trip North for the summer. Main one. Waiting on cheaper tickets again for the finale... or more if they really cheapen them up. Our plane taxes are dropping in June. Maybe then.
Until then I'm pretty much done with my bouts of quick trips for the season. I thought about getting one more just to get free baggage for a year onward (it's the Norwegian Reward for 18 flights/year), but on second thought it's not really worth it if I don't actually feel like taking the trip, and when the sunlight's found its way back here... I'm not sure I do.
The concerts take over next month too. I'm aiming for... a few of those. And old recaps. Soon.
For now though, this is plenty. Easter's coming up, and I'm looking forward to not just catching up a bit but just doing nothing.
I realize I haven't even written about work btw. We got new T-shirts there. I'm still highly appreciative of my flexible schedule, even if they'd like that I work all Fridays too when I can. So I've been doing that when I can. Of course I'd booked certain trips where Friday just happened to be one of the included days before this announcement was made so that's typical.
But they're still optional. Just feeling-the-obligation-al.
Work's going alright overall, even if I'm starting to feel a bit busy there too. Like I could make it a full-time thing after all, though I don't really want to. Don't want to burn out. Don't want to loose my hobbies. Like this. Like writing.
But was this a crazy month or what, huh? Or am I just crazy? Or have I not written enough about how crazy it was?
It's been pretty crazy from my perspective anyway, and I feel like the crazier it gets the more I evolve. The more involving the more I'm evolving. Problem solving and cognitive revolving while the cogs within us collect gall and solve them.
Until next week. Month? Whenever there's time. Peace and mind.
Hey I just want to write!
Can't you see that? I yell at the impostor. I yell at the world. I yell at the poster. I yell at myself. I yell in my room. I yell on the train. I yell in the line at the supermarket with a cart full of watermelon. I yell in my mind.
The world can't hear me.
But it's not strange if I don't speak up. It's not strange they don't hear my music if I don't put it up on Spotify, Strange Music TM.
Or like Dax take it to YouTube. It's dax.
I don't know if I'm ready but I don't think I'll ever know either, though at least I have a job that lets me hone my creative skillsets while I do other things. I mean literally. I mean literal skillsets. I mean.
No I'm pretty nice tbh.
And that's another thing that bugs me. Acronyms. In LOWERCASE.
I just want to let it all out here. I want to let y'all know. I want to be like Nietz sometimes and just let all flow. I know I live a protective life in a projective world, but I vent, even if I can't extend my arm to the slimy underbelly I know through my penthome door. Just want to vent some more. Give me air. Need to breath. Psychological asthma. Haaaaaa. Nhhhhh. Phhhhhhhhhhhhh.
They should leave the wires.
Stop getting musicians off the street.
Is what we need to live.
Don't take them.
It all goes so much better when I write it like this. Like it's meant to be: written. Like spoken word... just ain't my thing. I'll relapse to this like that ellipses.
And if I record I can keep the beat.