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The Morbid Joe Rogan Jackass Dream

I had the most gruesome Jackass experience last night.

It started with Joe Rogan though. Somehow I was in his JRE podcast room - though it was mobile, with large panorama windows - moving through what I assumed was his recently purchased Texas estate.

I took some photos when he wasn't looking; captured scenes from these lands most people wouldn't ever get a peek of. It felt a bit like traveling through the fields of Jurassic Park. Only no dinosaurs.

At first we swept past a long barnyard, painted red and white like they are in Sweden, something that caught me by surprise since this was not Sweden even in my dream.

The grass was universally green though, the hills and fields billowing, and what at first appeared to be a farm-related field soon stretched out like a Savannah into the distance, and we followed along down a small slope, nearing a lake and surrounding grass-covered marshland.

The initial impression faded and I'm not sure what came right after that, but it really was a beautiful place...

Next thing I know we're at a Jackass-related event. Or theme park. Or HQ. Not sure.

Warning: It gets a bit graphic after this.

There's a small cobblestone/concrete courtyard entrance where some of the crew are gathered, as well as some members I don't think really are members but apparently were in this particular dream.

There's an art-like section of the wall where cross-hatched blue wood climbs up in rectangle-like beams, and kids are crawling all over them.

It looks dangerous, and Knoxville comes up to me and asks if I can keep an eye on those kids.

Sure thing.

I'm already just waiting for one of them to fall down, and this one kid at the very top of the beam finally does.

I manage to run in and catch him at the last moment.

It feels like the entire wall is just covered with soon-to-be Jackass wannabees - the parents standing below just watching, but they seem to assess the seriousness of the situation after this, and call down their kids. Some of them, at least.

Meanwhile there's a Jackass member smashing a glass bottle over his forehead nearby.

I don't recognize him, but he looks a bit like Steve-O and Jim Carrey as Eggman in the recent Sonic movie combined.

Moments later he's pulling his upper front teeth out of his mouth, and the blood is gushing.

It's grotesque, and even more so because he's smiling all the time. It's just a stunt, but I wonder how much blood you can really spit out before it becomes dangerous. Gets me thinking of Fight Club.

Is this really in that same somewhat harmless vein of Jackass entertainment as I'm used to? What has this become?

Soon he's getting nailed to a wall - the wall only as high as his lower back, in a way where it almost feels like his upper and lower body could get detached at any moment. He's smiling all the way though, and the crowd's cheering him on. It's the last and most grotesque stunt I remember before I wake up in a cold sweat, wondering how and why my mind would ever drift to such a dark place in the first place...

Recollections of ECW documentaries I've seen where the wrestlers intentionally prick themselves with razors come to mind, and shed so much blood during a match that sometimes they'd wipe the blood off their forehead and just a second later it'd be covered in blood again, as described by a referee in one bizarre recollection of matches that almost went too far, all for the enjoyment of their devoted fans.

There was also that one guy (was it Sabu?) who accidentally blew up his hand and walked around the dressing room squirting blood so intensely the other wrestlers just thought it was a prank. Fortunately an ambulance picked him up; he made it out of that alive.

Not to mention the table jump gone wrong where New Jack lost a part of his brain, and sight on one eye.

Don't know why these memories are all flooding back right now. I watched them a long while ago, and haven't seen anything remotely morbid in a long time... but that's the dream. Not a dream dream. Maybe it's these dystopian times that call forth the darkest memories.

I stayed in bed very deliberately daydreaming better things a few hours after this; got up way too late today. Headache blasting.

If you for any reason are now thinking about getting into that ECW documentary mentioned above I'd highly recommend you go watch some uplifting comedy instead.

Good day...


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