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Week 35, 2017


It's the last week of my summer stretch and...
Honestly I feel a lil' bit stressed, so what
What should I do? Should I give it a rest?
Or should I go full steam, till my engine's a wreck?
Can I go faster? Like my engine's a jet?
I want to do so many things, but something's a mess.
And I'm the one doing everything, worth doing - respect,
But then again I'd get more done as a record exec.
I feel it's all on me, like I'm the one in the press.
But I want to believe, that I want this for me.
Summer's my want and need, when I'm done with the tech,
When instead of a screen, I look out and regret...
All the time by the screen! I have my run then subject.
But is this fun time, when I'm the only one with my rep?
I wish my family was like me! And no one would forget:
That summer's a fleeing dream, so don't shun and neglect!
Get more done, more done! And have fun while you press
Your body further and further, till the sun is a set!
And look at what you've accomplished! Look and feel vexed,
That you had time for so much, and a lunch and some chess.
And yes it's true... I want to calm down too...
But at the end of every summer I'd be darned if I do.
So many days at my disposal, always striving to make the most of.
But where the hell do they go? Is it over before I've closure?

Did I really do all that I could with this time?
If I rewind, would it just play back like a tape?
I wish I'd done more, but still I think I've done great.
It's been divine, but still I'm feeling like I need to keep tryin'! Remind.
...and for some reason I feel it's week 38, but hey,
It's week 35! Still a few days of summer vibe,
Of trials, and tries, and a strife to get in shape!
I feel alive. I'm feeling (a little stressed but) great.

...

Great... I guess it's time to settle for...
The truth. Not settle scores...
My youth... it was, it is? Forever more?
No use. I make excuses. Life if ruthless.
Life's a tunnel. I'll get through this.
I used to see the sky! Used to feel so high!!
I'm feeling low now. So down. Zoned out.
Maybe because it's night but... more so because my time's up.
Like that line? (Cut!)
And I've been distracted. I still can't pin a backflip.
7 weeks before I finally bought a bucket of paint.
My fault? Yes, though I tell myself it ain't.
I asked my dad to. Way back. This past June.
He didn't. Paint's no priority for him because we're different.
So yes... who am I kidding, I could've moved faster.
I still hesitate with the big things, then: leap into action.
Now: a few days to paint too many walls to paint 'em all!
I say: next spring! Last time I said it was last fall.
So yes: I'm shamed. I'm still not all I claim.
I don't go hard 24/7. I read a bit, and strain.
But at least I've played no games! No DS. No GBA.
And I haven't been kept in my rain, at least not all the...
Days it rained... but still days just rain away.

I'm getting there. I still live in my petty sphere.
But shed no tears - don't feel sorry for myself.
I've less regret and fear - though I'm sorry,
And I worry sometimes... but I let it rest.
Next year might be better, but each year I'm my best.
No matter what it feels like, each year is a test,
And each year I feel blessed, being here, but leaving here...
Melancholy. Wishing I'd done things different,
Each year same old story. But really, what's left?
No need to be bitter! Appreciate and accept, this brittle time we get.
We live and climb the steps to... who can tell.

Hope that all is well.

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