First post of last year here.
Last year pretty much started the same as this one. In a dark room - a soft backlight as to not take away focus from the occasional outside fireworks - and me by the computer. Writing up last-minute resolutions, hoping to have time to reflect on a New Year and a New Me but not quite taking and/or having the time.
I felt like I wrote little last year, but it seems it'll be even less now.
I talked about a storm then, but the fireworks were so much stronger this time around. Who would have thought? 2020 marked the start of a new decade - an at the time hopeful new phase for humankind, but this years all the more savage a showcase of fire and flame and sparkle seems to show that it's just a number after all. Even if it seemed awesome at the time we didn't really need the new as we do now.
I watched those decorative flares with a stupid grin on my face now. Growing wider and wider as more and more light struck the sky, soon lighting up a thick layer of smoke: the haze of aftermath.
I felt invigorated. All the more hopeful about how 2021 might turn out. All the more confident in my own abilities, and joyous that so many others seem to share the same sentiments. That so many of us really hope that this time it better be better. This time we start the decade that last New Year was supposed to.
I won't say 2020's been all bad - but it's been laden with uncertainty and unwanted tension, all too much stress, a couple breakdowns, the clarity of an ongoing midlife crisis I've been able to somewhat mask behind a veil of distractions during prior years, that this wave of isolation forced me to face. Thus my #1 resolution for the year. I know it'll sound vague to anyone who reads it, but it's vague to me too. I'm not sure how to transform; to get where I need to be. Not sure where to start. Maybe with a little more reflection time I could've drawn out some pointers.
Maybe I will! And it seems this post is growing longer than I expected it to already and possibly uncomfortably introspective considering the air of festivity we should currently be trying to breath in - never mind that fosfor haze!
I guess I started this journey last year, but it's probably safe to say that things got in the way of the change I crave and one day maybe (I mean this year) will hail and brave. Slay my dragon. Let the tail prevail.
It hasn't been all bad! I sure posted more during 2020 than 2019 - albeit still not as much as I hoped to. I made some music I'm proud of. I managed to travel a bit despite all the roadblocks this 'rona thing tried to throw in my way. I've interacted with a bunch of cool people - both new and old acquaintances - mostly online unfortunately/fortunately/would-be-more-fortunately-if-I-was-interacting-a-bit-more-IRL-too, and I've come to all kinds of self-realizations that I am absolutely positive (not corona positive - don't worry - took a drive-through test last week) that a normal year would never have given me as ideal circumstances to find. For good or bad.
Whatever change this year might bring I plan to keep blogging though, keep on writing, and most importantly keep making music.
You can find my subsequent yearly resolutions post here - from the other side of the yearly divide - for anyone who maybe stumbles upon this outside the main stream.
I hope you managed to get some good out of last year too; here's to the new! The one we've all been waiting for. So long. It's done.
So so long 2020! And Happy 2021.
And good night. I'll revise more tomorrow.